Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure

12+ Violence

Devil Touch Prologue (New)

by SushiSashimi333


Are people born as monsters, or do they have to actually become one? It's a question commonly asked, but never truly answered. If everyone thought you were a monster, then would you eventually believe it yourself?

When someone says to love yourself, it's not an easy thing to do. No matter how desperately you struggle, no matter how amazing you are, it's really all just a matter of self esteem. If others hate you and you let it get to your head, then there's really no getting it out.

Cerys was born with a similar problem. Some called it an epidemic with no cure, others called it a curse that needed to be purged. Everyone called it Devil Touch, for it was just like a blessing from the devil, but devils can't give blessings, devils give curses.

Of course, there wasn't just Devil Touch. Those that had been Touched by God had God Touch. It was similar in every way to Devil Touch except that it had been given by God making it a blessing. Angel Touch came next in the line of holiness, a blessing just like God Touch but far less brilliant. Demon Touch, well, they didn't quite know where that fell in the scheme of things. It was loads better than Devil Touch, but it was still an agent of Hell. In the end it was just deemed as Touch.

And because Cerys had the misfortune of being Touched by the Devil, she was labeled a monster from birth. Whether she really was a monster or not, would never be seen, for people refused to even look at her. She might taint their Touches with her "vile" ways if they did. No one wanted that.

Of course, they weren't making random judgments based off silly little rituals that were questionable at best, no, they had physical evidence of the monstrosity she was. Her mismatched eyes, her silent heart, her glossy black hair, it was hard not to notice how different she was. Even Cerys knew from the very start that she was different, she just didn't quite know why.

There was never anything she'd done to make everyone despise her, nothing that she could remember anyways. Her parents had always been sticklers for manners, if ever she was out of line she was chastised. Just the lecture they had given her when she hadn't said "please" gave her goosebumps.

When Cerys reached the tender age of ten, she came to a sudden realization: if no one cared for her, then why should she care for them? It wasn't her job to play the heroine of the town, especially not since she was seen as the villain. A villain trying to play a hero? That was laughable, but if she just went with the flow, then they might not hate her as much, right?

Soon after she took to the streets, stealing food from local vendors and taking the toys of neighborhood children. She laughed at the misfortune of others and danced on the graves of loved ones. The townspeople hated her, and for once, Cerys felt she finally had a place in this world of prejudice and hypocrisy.

However, it wasn't long before fate reared its ugly head. The day of her thirteenth birthday, everything changed.

After a long afternoon nap in the hills just beyond the village's bounds, Cerys decided it was time to return home. Despite her now rough personality, she took care not to tax her parents too much. They were honest and hardworking, and she knew they cared about her. She didn't want to repay them with even more chaos. For them she was willing to go above an beyond, no matter what the consequences.

Upon reaching her little stone house on top of its little lonesome hill, she noticed something strange. Smoke floated from the chimney, and laundry hung from the line, but neither of her parents were present despite the day having been so nice. Panic starting to set it, Cerys ran into the house, looking around frantically.

She couldn't find them, but she did manage to find something. Almost completely out of sight, a little golden prayer bead glinted from the evening sun. What's this? Cerys wondered. Neither of her parents were religious, so what on Orbis was a prayer bead doing there? The realization hit her all too late.

Slowly, she turned her head to meet the eyes of a shadowy figure. Golden eyes, just like the bead.

"You're-" She was out before she hit the floor.

ooo

When Cerys came to she couldn't focus on anything but the strange tingling in her hands. It felt as if acid coursed through her veins, but at the same time she was numb. Reluctantly, she turned her head to see a black, thorn-like object sticking out of the palm of her hand. Her expression remained detached, what was that doing there? She didn't remembered putting it there.

It took her a few minutes to realize what was happening, and when she did, panic flooded her mind. The Burning. They were going to burn her alive, she'd finally crossed the line. She would never see the light of day again, or feel the rush of adrenaline while running from angry street vendors. It was truly over.

"Cerys! Are you okay?" The cry burst through Cerys's thoughts. Are you okay?! What kind of question was that? She had giant nails embedded in both of her hands and someone had the audacity to ask if she was okay. Yes, she was fine, just peachy! Nailing her hands to giant wooden stakes was just what she wanted since she was little.

"Just what makes you think I-" She stopped mid-sentence as her eyes laid upon the owner of the voice. The woman was small, delicate and pale. Blood blossomed from her small calloused hands, creating little red flowers as it fell to the earth below. "Mom" Her lips formed the words, but something had rendered her unable to speak.

"I'm so sorry honey. I'm so so-" The words caught in her mother's throat as tears slid down her porcelain cheeks.

What was she doing here? Why was she nailed to a stake? She hadn't done anything wrong.

Yes. Yes she had. She had done everything. She had brought Cerys into this world.

Cerys's eyes widened. If her mother was there then so was her father.

"Dad! Where's Dad?" At this, her mother's eyes clouded over, a sad smile crossed her face. "No." That couldn't be right. He'd been alive just a while ago, but the waves of heat on her back said otherwise. She hadn't noticed them before, but now that she was paying attention she noticed it all too much.

They could kill her, torture her all they wanted, but killing her father and her mother right along with her, they didn't deserve this. They deserved a long life of properity. They deserved happiness. They deserved peace, but not this kind of peace.

"Enough talk monster, light her up."

Below her, a man with golden eyes stood upon a makeshift pedestal. He was short and wiry, but that didn't matter. He had done this to her. To them.

"It was you! You're the one that knocked me out!" Her outburst seemed to catch him by surprise, but he quickly regained his stature. A slow smirk spread across his mousy face.

"And I regret every moment, having to make physical contact with vermin like you makes my skin crawl."

What had she been thinking? Was she really going to be defeated by this little man? No, she was going to get free. Somehow. She was going to kill him. Somehow. She was going to save her mother. Somehow. She was going to bring her father back. Somehow.

But how?

A shrill scream shattered her thoughts, ringing in her ears like a thousand silver bells. Flames licked her mother's feet, slowly creeping up the wooden stake, blackening the wood. The smell of charred meat filled the air as her mother's skin began to burn. Blistering, bursting, shriveling, burning. Fire snaked up her body, painfully slow. Each inch gained was a nail in Cerys's heart. This was not happening.

Despair filled her heart, cloaked her body, blackened her mind. What could she do. Her mother was in pain and there was nothing she could do. She was helpless, utterly helpless. If only this hadn't happened, if only that man hadn't happened, if only that man hadn't existed. She could change that.

Now, rage wracked her body, sending shivers throughout. With a jerk, she ripped her hands free of the bloodied nails before falling to the ground. Black blood dripped from the wide puncture in her hands, evaporating into steam when it hit the ground with a hiss.

Before her sat the gold eyed man, he looked smaller up close. She might not have been able to move her hands, but she didn't need them to take down this pathetic excuse of a man. His smirk had faded, replaced by a look of pure terror. Spittle trickled from his mouth, his hands shook despite holding no burden, tears leaked from his wide, golden, eyes.

"I guess I am a monster after all."


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
133 Reviews


Points: 2296
Reviews: 133

Donate
Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:21 am
View Likes
PiesAreSquared wrote a review...



Sushiwooshi!! Alright here as requested! (I do use alright too often!)

As promised, a full review. Firstly I'll talk a little about it overall.

The tone of this piece is very informal and...matter-of-fact. I like that. It's a refreshing change.

One downside of this is that it becomes preachy and not story-telly.

Whenever I hear something preachy I become like this ( I know I shouldn't use gifs so much!)

Image

I will talk about other specific "overalls" later. Good vs. evil and that kind of thing.


Are people born as monsters, or do they have to actually become one? It's a question commonly asked, but never truly answered. If everyone thought you were a monster, then would you eventually believe it yourself?

I quoted this to highlight the matter of fact tone, which I really like. Another downside, which is more clearly seen by quoting, is that it gives rise to long ramblings. Try to cut out extraneous words. Make this seem more like many short sentences banded together, it gives an illusion of thoughtful reading.

When someone says to love yourself, it's not an easy thing to do. No matter how desperately you struggle, no matter how amazing you are, it's really all just a matter of self esteem. If others hate you and you let it get to your head, then there's really no getting it out.

Sermon on the sushi.

Cerys was born with a similar problem. Some called it an epidemic with no cure, others called it a curse that needed to be purged.

I would prefer if this was started with a preposition. It is more natural. Give an explanation of things, followed by where an object (in this case your character) is placed.

Everyone called it Devil Touch, for it was just like a blessing from the devil, but devils can't give blessings, devils give curses.

See? Preachy!
Also there is a problem. Just "like" a blessing from the devil? Do you mean that devils can bless? No, this interpretation is not allowed by the statement directly following, so the two statements are at odds with each other!
How should we reconcile them?

Image

I will leave it to you to edit this one.

Of course, there wasn't just Devil Touch. Those that had been Touched by God had God Touch. It was similar in every way to Devil Touch except that it had been given by God making it a blessing. Angel Touch came next in the line of holiness, a blessing just like God Touch but far less brilliant. Demon Touch, well, they didn't quite know where that fell in the scheme of things. It was loads better than Devil Touch, but it was still an agent of Hell. In the end it was just deemed as Touch.

Theological dispute point. Whoa! Hold it there! Info dump!
Image

I was thinking, demon's touch is better than devil's touch? Does that mean demons are not as bad or worse than devils? If the former, then alright, we have the following situation.

"So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound?"

I spent an hour searching for the right meme, couldn't find one.

If the latter is right, hey, evil is stronger than good!

And because Cerys had the misfortune of being Touched by the Devil, she was labeled a monster from birth.

Be concise, just use touched.

Whether she really was a monster or not, would never be seen, for people refused to even look at her. She might taint their Touches with her "vile" ways if they did. No one wanted that.


It seems that people refuse to see rather than that she is a monster or not will ever be seen, so use something to that effect.

Instead of "would never be seen" use "those who knew of her existence refused to discover" or something like that.

Of course, they weren't making random judgments based off silly little rituals that were questionable at best, no, they had physical evidence of the monstrosity she was.


I can see why you are such close buddies with Tenyo. You just stole a Tenyo TM.

Her mismatched eyes, her silent heart, her glossy black hair, it was hard not to notice how different she was.


Her-her-her very funny! Remove all but the first her-her-her!!


When Cerys reached the tender age of ten, she came to a sudden realization: if no one cared for her, then why should she care for them? It wasn't her job to play the heroine of the town, especially not since she was seen as the villain. A villain trying to play a hero? That was laughable, but if she just went with the flow, then they might not hate her as much, right?


Mix up your Tenyos a little. Use some other Tenyo for the starting sentence and a middle sentence. It makes for a more interesting read. "A sudden realization hit her" goes better with the rest of the story than text. The sentence in the middle, about the heroine, start it with "was" and keep it a question.

Soon after she took to the streets, stealing food from local vendors and taking the toys of neighborhood children.

Mix up word order. Put "soon after" at the back of that clause. Use a more jumpy form for the main clause: "stealing food and toys from the vendors and children near her home." I wouldn't think she would steal toys just from children?

However, it wasn't long before fate reared its ugly head. The day of her thirteenth birthday, everything changed.

Use a more subtle change. However sort of tips off the reader, and it wasn't long is just plain lame. Can you think of a more subtle way? "She trotted on on this path of devilry. On her thirteenth birthday..." Don't tell that something changed. Show that it did.

After a long afternoon nap in the hills just beyond the village's bounds, Cerys decided it was time to return home.

What happened before? Why did she go to the hill in the first place? Wouldn't that be like a break in her routine? Tell of her birthday a little more.

For them she was willing to go above an beyond, no matter what the consequences.

An I said, oh, that you could use a spellchecker.

Upon reaching her little stone house on top of its little lonesome hill, she noticed something strange.

Add mystery. Don't lamely bash out that she noticed strange happenings. Tell of her emotions. Something ticked her off. Connect more with the main character. She isn't just a puppet, meant to move to keep the story going, is she? She has emotions, stuff, and like stuff.

Smoke floated from the chimney, and laundry hung from the line, but neither of her parents were present despite the day having been so nice.


Lame! Lame! Expand! Expand! How was the day nice? Some like it cold, some like it hot, some like it in the rain nine days long.

Panic starting to set it, Cerys ran into the house, looking around frantically.


Ing ing ing! Inging all the way to too many Ings. Mix it up!

She couldn't find them, but she did manage to find something.


You tell us straight away what this something is, so this something is a little,
Image

Slowly, she turned her head to meet the eyes of a shadowy figure. Golden eyes, just like the bead.


Split this up into more sentences.


"You're-" She was out before she hit the floor.


You could say she flew out the door.

ooo


Sudden shock? When splitting use multiple hyphens. It's easier.

When Cerys came to she couldn't focus on anything but the strange tingling in her hands.


Oh, so I found a strange tingling in my hands and because I can't focus on anything else i focus on...tingling?

It felt as if acid coursed through her veins, but at the same time she was numb.

Use the word "yet" instead of but. But is so... Lousy.


Reluctantly, she turned her head to see a black, thorn-like object sticking out of the palm of her hand.


I thought she couldn't focus. Use her ability to focus on feeling, touch, to convey this scene.

Her expression remained detached, what was that doing there? She didn't remembered putting it there.


She could take her face off? I don't want to be told what happened! Show it! Use "it" instead of that.

It took her a few minutes to realize what was happening, and when she did, panic flooded her mind.

Use "some time" instead of a few minutes.

The Burning. They were going to burn her alive, she'd finally crossed the line.


The proximity of the latter clauses indicate a close relation, but you need to expand quite a bit on that before saying she crossed the line. What line? I don't see any line.


She would never see the light of day again, or feel the rush of adrenaline while running from angry street vendors. It was truly over.


Us she accepting her fate or roiling in despair? Or happy about it?

She had giant nails embedded in both of her hands and someone had the audacity to ask if she was okay.

I thought you said they were thorns? How does her mind rename them as nails?

Yes, she was fine, just peachy! Nailing her hands to giant wooden stakes was just what she wanted since she was little.


Alright, she's happy then.

She stopped mid-sentence as her eyes laid upon the owner of the voice.

Awkward sentence. I won't give a suggestion. But, but. I will. Don't use the word "laid."

The woman was small, delicate and pale. Blood blossomed from her small calloused hands, creating little red flowers as it fell to the earth below. "Mom" Her lips formed the words, but something had rendered her unable to speak.


She just spoke a second ago.


She had done everything.


Supermoms!

Cerys's eyes widened. If her mother was there then so was her father.

Missing comma.

"Dad! Where's Dad?" At this, her mother's eyes clouded over, a sad smile crossed her face. "No." That couldn't be right.


Make more lines. Separate the different dialogue lines.

He'd been alive just a while ago, but the waves of heat on her back said otherwise.

So where do these heat wave come from? Her dad's body? Eww. Is she like nailed to her dad?

She hadn't noticed them before, but now that she was paying attention she noticed it all too much.


Them and it don't mix when referring to the same object.

They deserved a long life of properity.

Well, propriety sounds better? Properity is so lame a coined word.


"Enough talk monster, light her up."

Missing comma.

Below her, a man with golden eyes stood upon a makeshift pedestal.

Makeshifted of what?

He was short and wiry, but that didn't matter. He had done this to her. To them.

Oh so you mean that if he was short and wiry but hadn't done anything to her(family) she wouldn't do...stuff to him?

Image

but he quickly regained his stature.

He quickly regained his stature? So did jack.
Image


"And I regret every moment, having to make physical contact with vermin like you makes my skin crawl."


Make this two sentences please.

Fire snaked up her body, painfully slow.


Is it her or her mother or her mother an her both or her feeling through her mother?

Now, rage wracked her body, sending shivers throughout.


A wonder rage hadn't gotten. To her at the sight of the fire.

evaporating into steam when it hit the ground with a hiss.

As. Use the word as. Instead of when.

She's evwil. Me likes that! I tend to review better when I'm on the second or third parts, so this review....was not my best.

Keep writing!






Hey! Thanks for the review!! There were some things here I saw you didn't like that I kinda did on purpose though. (Not the an part, but seeing as that is a word spellchecker wouldn't work even if I had Word on my ipad) Like the descriptions, I wanted to make part of it pretty lackluster so that when I did the actual burning part it would seem a lot more gruesome. There were a lot of technical things that I guess I could fix. Also the rambling, glad you picked that up XD I actually can't write anything unless I first start to ramble then go back and edit. Now I know I gotta trim it some more :p There had been a part explaining that since the Devil is what it is the "blessing" would be a curse, but I had to cut it out for rambling sake... Or at least I think I cut that out??
I also noticed that you said Cerys was evil? I just wanted to say that Devil Touch was actually made to challenge what that meant. So I wouldn't say she's evil, you have to know her first.
Since the entire thing is a backstory I had to keep it short and a little on the simple side. When I get more into chapter one Cerys will definitely be more connected to the story itself.
As for laid, yeah, I get what you mean XD I just never know what word to use DX
Thanks again for the review though!



User avatar
620 Reviews


Points: 12075
Reviews: 620

Donate
Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:36 am
View Likes
Messenger wrote a review...



Messenger is finalllllly here so sorry. Life and sickness and all that gooey stuff has been clogging up the roads to this work, but alas I have finally arrived as promised. A Messenger never forgets a promise) So to the review! *charges into the fray*

a blessing just like Got Touch, but far less brilliant, far less pure than God Touch.

Got Touch? Like Got Milk? Lolol just a typo but it is really funny to me right now.

Of course, they weren't making random judgments based off silly little rituals that were questionable at best,

Umm you need to change the last comma into a period. Meaning you need to capitalize "no" which is the next word.

The townspeople hated her, and for once, Cerys felt she finally had a place in this world of prejudice and hypocrisy.

That's so sad that they made her like that :(

Upon reaching her little stone house on top of its little lonesome hill, she noticed something strange. . . . Panic starting to set it, Cerys ran into the house, looking around frantically.

You say it's her house. Maybe her family's house would sound better.
And I don't know that she would be panicking just because she didn't seem them outside. They could just be taking a drink break inside.


So I have a few problems with your last scene here. I think you need to explain the setting a little better. Where in the world are they being burned? Where are the townspeople? I have no setting whatsoever to envision.
But I did like the quickness of it. A lot of people say that action scenes can go too fast, but I think it really works in this situation. Cerys wouldn't be seeing every little detail or be caring about it either. That's about all I have too say. Cerys is a poor being. She has been twisted and made wicked by the stupid townsfolk so it really isn't her fault.

~Messenger






Thank you so much!!! Sorry I had to pesture you though XD I'll see what I can do to help develop the setting a little more here and in the upcoming chapter. I swear I change the got milk thing, but I have no idea. Copy and paste on this thing is so hard now I never know what's happening DX Thanks for the opinions!!!!!



User avatar
1416 Reviews


Points: 3633
Reviews: 1416

Donate
Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:47 pm
View Likes
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle here to review as requested! :)

I'm pretty sure I read a few chapters of this novel the first time you posted this. But no matter, this is the new version of that story so I can't wait to see what it's like!

Are people born as monsters, or do they have to actually become one? It's a question commonly asked, but never truly answered.

I'm not a big fan of this opening. Maybe it's just my personal opinion, but starting out with a question doesn't really do much. Sure it gets the reader thinking, but it feels too personal; like the narrator is speaking directly to the reader. And usually the narrator is just telling the story, not talking to anyone in particular. My suggestion is to rewrite it like this: "There is a timeless question that has yet to be truly answered: are people born as monsters of do they become monsters?"

Also with this sentence, there doesn't need to be a comma before the word 'or'. There usually isn't a comma here because 'or' is a conjunction. Much like the word 'and', it connects two parts with the same subject. Because both the parts are about being monsters, there doesn't need to be a comma.

I like how you describe all of the different types of "touches". There's the Devil Touch, Angel Touch, and God Touch. It's always nice to get these kind of descriptions out of the way first thing so the readers will understand when it's brought up later on in the novel. I for one are very interested in these different touches. I want to see them in action later on.

With her mismatched eyes, her silent heart, andher glossy black hair, it was hard not to notice how different she was.

Just a few small nitpicks here.

Soon after she took to the streets, she would steal food from local vendors and taking the toys of neighborhood children.

This sentence sounded awkward. You seemed to have left out a connector from the the first half of the sentence to the other.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. There was a lot of intensity in this chapter and I think you did a great job describing all of it. I really got the feeling that something bad was going on. Especially at the end of the prologue. You wrote the scene of the burning really well. The only thing I'd really have to say about it though is that I thought her father would be burned along with them, not killed earlier.

I'm usually not a fan of long prologues, but the length or yours is good. You need that length in order to get in all the information that you want to get in. There is a lot of introduction and background information in this which is nice. You set up the readers very well as to what the story is going to be about. You've also given us some great insight into Cerys life. That'll definitely help us all relate to her later on in the story.

If you let me know when chapter 1 is up I will gladly read it :)

Keep writing!
**Noelle**






Hey! Thanks so much for the fast review! I'll consider your input on the beginning, I was actually just rambling there because it works easiest, I'll try to see what other peoples' opinions are, but you do make a point. I'll fix those typos while I'm on it XD I'll notify you when chapter one is up, I just hope it's good >< and yeah, they actually burn them all separately so it was her mothers turn next, that's why Cerys hadn't yet been burned. Thanks again for the review!



User avatar
212 Reviews


Points: 3486
Reviews: 212

Donate
Sun Apr 13, 2014 2:25 pm
View Likes
TheCrimsonLady wrote a review...



Hello, love!

Aurora here for a review!

Technicalities first, luv.
Everyone called it Devil Touch, for it was just like a blessing from the devil, but devils can't give blessings, devils give curses.
That's very repetitive...
Angel Touch followed, a blessing just like Got Touch, but far less brilliant, far less pure than God Touch.
Angel Touch followed, a blessing just like God Touch, but far less brilliant, far less pure.

When Cerys reached the tender age of ten, she came to a sudden realization: if no one cared for her, then why should she care for them.
When Cerys reached the tender age of ten, she came to a sudden realization; if no one cared for her, then why should she care for them?


That's all the technicalities.

Just a suggestion; if you rip your arms from a stake that you're nailed to , you'd rip all your nerve endings and never be able to move you hands/arms again.

The pacing was good, and Cerys is a very three dimensional character. Note: Capitalize 'devil'

Keep persisting, it was a good read!

Evilly,
Aurora






Oh yeah! I actually already fixed the technicalities... just didn't put it up yet... >.> <.< xD And yeah, I figured that she wouldn't be able to move her arms when she killed that priest but I didn't really want to say how she killed him... Do you think I should leave it that way? I kind of wanted the reader to bring out their own gruesome imagination. I don't know if I should clarify more or not :/



User avatar
73 Reviews


Points: 1442
Reviews: 73

Donate
Tue Apr 08, 2014 12:51 pm
View Likes
Zontafer wrote a review...



Hello, Zontafer here to give you a review!

At the very beginning, you tell us about all the 'Touches''. When I read this text, it felt a little bit too slow to read. Maybe you could cut it down a little bit?

Your end was the part I really liked.
First I thought Cerys had some powers, but when I read more it looked like she was normal like everyone else, despite the fact that she had the Devil Touch and how she looked.
So I got a little bit suprised at the end when she did that thing he did to the man.

I do wonder where Cerys' father is, and if he is truly dead or not. You have awaken my curiousity about both him and Cerys.

A couple of nitpicks(some is just really what I think):

I think you meant to write 'God' instead of 'Got'.

Angel Touch followed, a blessing just like Got Touch, but far less brilliant, far less pure than God Touch.


I believe you need a questionmark at the end of this sentence.

...if no one cared for her, then why should she care for them.


I'm not sure if you should have it, but I think italics would fit on 'okay' in this sentence. Also, you could have a comma after 'hands', I'm really unsure with this sentence.

She had a giant nail embedded in both of her hands and someone had the audacity to ask if she was okay .


When I read this sentence aloud, it feels a little wierd. I suggest you to remove 'and would do' from this sentence(Or perhaps adding a comma? I don't know, it just feels weird to me xD):

For them, she would do absolutely anything, and behaving was the least she could and would do.


Overall, I think your prologue is nicely written, and you're on a great way.
I hope this review helped anything at all, and I'll probably keep on reading your chapters, if you decide to write further on it.
Good luck!

- Zontafer






Thank you so much for the review! All those typos DX I feel so ashamed. I'm so glad you caught them though :D I'm wondering, how did you like the imagery? Was it too much? (Just need to think more for chapter one) I definitely agree with all your points, and I'll do what I can to cut down certain parts and extend on others. Do you want me to notify you when chapter one comes out???



Zontafer says...


You're welcome! It was really many typos, and it happens to everyone, so it's nothing to worry about! The imagery was very clear, I could definitely picture the little house on the hill, the man, Cerys and her mother helpless.
Yeah, just send me a PM when you put it out! ;)

- Zontafer



Zontafer says...


It wasn't really many typos* hehe xD





I just realized something, it would seem I did have that italicized in the original, it just didn't come through here XD Thanks for pointing that out though, that means my other italics didn't come through either.




Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.
— J.K. Rowling