Unromantic

I read "romance" and immediately thought "cheesy stuff."

Right now I'm undecided though. Is it? Is it not? My heart has mushified.

When I first began reading, I wondered why you begin the story with two quote. Then I realized you began the story with dialogue. In general I would advise against such procedures. It makes for a confusing start. Romance generally, I would advise, start with something...dull. No loving. No roses. No normal invitations. I'm all for a weird creative and heart wrenching invitation though. Make it a card invite rather than a personal invite. My two cents.

"For the hundredth time, Drew! I. Will. Not. Go. Out. With. You!"

And the rest of the double period continued in a similar fashion until the substitute teacher – a man in his forties who wore a faded orange tie with smileys on it – barged in and told us to take our Calculus textbooks out.

I preferred to dream. Izzy preferred to talk about her dreams instead.

bravo pompadour! i really enjoyed this! even if it was one in the morning i think it was well written and not really cheesy like other stories! i enjoyed it more than expected! although i should have expected more considering you are THE pompadour!! i cant wait for a chapter two!!

I thought the grammar was fine here, myself. At any rate I didn't get urges to tear my eyes out, or -- even worse -- stop reading mid-way. The prose is light and lithe, getting to the point without tarrying much before and after the fact; the descriptions are well-spaced and not intrusive. One description I would make a remark about, however, is the description of Drew's hair as "golden lock" -- "golden" has a very positive connotation, and for a short while, I wondered whether I'm supposed to think Em hates him or secretly passionately loves him. If you are planning to set the two up later, I think it would be a better-kept surprise if you chose a less flashy way to describe blonde hair. Such as "blonde", for example.

My main problem with the story is not the way it's written, but what is written in it. I read the whole thing because it was mildly amusing and I liked the style of the prose -- however, there is not a single hook in that whole story. If this is Chapter 1, it should make me want to read Chapter 2. It does not accomplish this. There is no intrigue here, no plot, no "! But what's going to happen next?!" from me. Romance stories are rarely purely romance -- usually there's some sub-plot which wraps the romance inside itself, making for an interesting story with romantic development between the characters in the background.

Speaking of characters, the greatest emotional connection I've formed is with Drew. I can appreciate a harmless clown persistently trying to woo a girl and getting mercilessly rebuffed, without losing hope. But why is this story being written from Em's point of view? She is a completely flat, uninteresting character. There are no problems she has to solve, there are no challenges for her to overcome. Even Izzy is given more character development, in this line: "I've listened to you complaining about the wretch the whole darn day." I liked this because it sets her up as a bit of a hypocrite, considering she's usually the chatty one. A hypocrite character is still better than a flat character.

So yes, in the end, my main criticism here is that the story is about nothing. It is a well-written, easy-to-read, fairly-amusing lot of nothing. It fleshes out some characters but it does not actually contain any plot threads or other sort of reasons to keep me interested for Chapter 2. Maybe throw something in about an upcoming big project? School competition? Prom dance? /Something/ to look forward to, to see how the characters will deal with it. The sooner you hook the reader, the more readers you'll have baiting their breath for Chapter 2.

Your mud-puddle,
cC

I really enjoyed your piece, but my main goal here is to remedy your grammar. That's my new mission here on YWS: to improve the grammar of all of the site members.
To start, we have the sentence "If it hadn't been for fear of going bald, I would have pulled out all my hair and turned to ash there and then." This error is less grammatical and more logical. What does turning to ash have to do with pulling out hair? There should also be a comma between "ash" and "there".
"As it was, I just sat there at my desk, seething." I believe that it should be, "As it were". I would also omit "just" and "there". It seems to decrease the intensity of the sentence.
"Drew pouted at me from underneath his golden fringe- ..." I would save "from underneath his golden fringe" for a sentence that has to do with his eyes. Otherwise, this sort of implies that he has a thick, blond mustache as a pout is more centered on the mouth.
The "dash" in the sentence aforementioned needs to become a "double-dash". Double-dashes normal signal a change of thought. This is needed.
" "Why not?" he asked finally..." The word "finally" is not needed. Unless you mean to tell the reader that a long time has passed from the MC rejecting his cheesy poem and Drew's come-back.

Remember to read through your work. There is never a piece that can't stand any more editing. There's always something to be done.
Thank you for the wonderful piece and keep writing!