PROLOGUE
There was an “in-between” time once. A time when everybody swore the world was perfect, or as perfect as it could get. But even then, the world was swathed in lies.
The problem with the world, the Regulators said, was that people possessed the ability to think. And it was thinking that started all the trouble. Thinking led to selfish instincts, to jealousy, a desire to scavenge for one’s self and watch others suffer. It led to hatred, they said.
Negativity sprouts from the ability to stretch the contents of your mind onto a clean sheet of paper, marking your thoughts down, observing them, and striving to achieve ourselves.
This is what the adults repeat to us children at least fifty times a day; it’s what they repeat to themselves. It’s what the Regulators have told us. And what the Regulators tell us is ‘always right.’
But was it thinking that led to the war over the world’s scant resources? Fighting over food and water? It may have been.
I was born after the Third World War. From the mere information I gathered from nighttime ventures into the Closed Library (the name says it all) and “borrowed” a couple of books, let me just say that the Third Great War was the ugliest war this world has ever seen. You honestly don’t want to know how ugly. It wasn’t until the X-bomb was dropped by Cerulea on Actum that the war ended.
If you ever asked me what it would take to end a ten-year long war, my answer would be this:
Fifty billion lives.
That’s how many lives the X-bomb swept from the Earth. It’s a weapon of mass destruction. And when I say mass destruction, I mean it. Because it destroyed every single thing.
There wasn’t any rubble from destroyed buildings, no rocks or boulders, or fallen trees. There was just a fine powder, just ash. The impact generated as much heat as if a meteor had struck the area. It was the worst disaster in history.
Just thinking about it makes me feel like I’m drowning.
After the First War, regret overcame all other emotions. The League of Nations was born. People plastered fake smiles on their hard faces, gave out flowers and candy, handed out the detentions, and decided to make up and shake hands like good little children. ‘Hey, let’s stop another war from happening, alright?’ they said.
They failed miserably.
The Second War was worse than the last. After the bombing at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the world opened its bleary little eyes. The people who managed to survive the Atomic Bomb suffered from radiation. They didn’t live long either. The United Nations took over the League and “tried their best to put a broken world together again.” But then again, the “best” always leads to the worst. There was a sort of peace then, just as the Regulators say there is now. But “peace” has a false meaning. “Peace” is actually a veil over the real horrors that we close our eyes to- and pretend that everything’s alright. Peace is a code-word for looming war. Peace is a non-existent hope to achieve the unachieved. “To live in harmony” is the supposed meaning of the word.
What. A. Lie.
Peace is nothing but a memory.
When the Third Great War broke out, the world was in a state worse than chaos. Ever wonder why it was called the Third Great War? It was the bloodiest, the longest, and the most divided. The world was divided into three sides. Those three sides fought against each other, fought to the very bone.
They were Cerulea, Actum and Tempus.
Cerulea was once known as “the Americas.” Actum was once “Africa.” Oceania joined forces with Actum, and Tempus was called “Eurasia.” Simply put, the effects of this war were disastrous. The entire patch of “Upper” Actum was wiped out. Unlike the events of Hiroshima and Nagasaki a century ago, there were no survivors.
NONE.
There was just bitterness and… a lingering feeling of what I would describe as remorse, probably. It was remorse so strong that people began to ask themselves why. Why do people fight? Is it worth fighting for anything if it causes this much pain? Apparently, the government was hit by a tidal wave of remorse too. The countries all agreed on Pax. They formed a group called the Memini. I think it’s Latin for “remember.” Why the heck anyone would want to remember all the tragedies this world has seen in the past two centuries is beyond me. Maybe it’s to remind us never to make the same mistakes again?
Rubbish.
Humanity insists on making the same mistakes over and over again. It’s strange, really; reminding ourselves to learn from the past is useless. We’re so caught up in analysing our Yesterdays that we forget not to make the same mistake when the time comes. We’re so caught up in “reminding” ourselves that we don’t notice our mistakes until the damage is done. It’s stupid.
The Memini agreed that the sole problem was humanity itself. It’s traits of selfishness; cruelty and desire were constantly warring against itself. To stop war, they decided, we needed to stop thinking.
Enter technology. Enter the blasted world of lab-rats and chemicals, of micro-processors and computer chips.
Enter Animus Refuto, the serum injected into children at birth. It turns them into living robots. They can smile, they can eat, and they can laugh their hard cardboard laughs. They have responsibilities and obligations, but they can’t feel anything. They’re emotionless shells. My parents were injected with that serum. They’re “happy” with the world. They’re happy with living the same life as everybody else in Tempus. They’re happy with leading a colourless life, without ambitions or dreams. They don’t question what we do. They don’t wonder what life is like in other countries besides ours. Here, in Tempus, everything - and everyone- is run by the Regulators. Here, nothing goes wrong. Everyone is “happy.” And being “happy” is a good thing, right?
Wrong.
I know there are times, better times, out of our reach. I know. I’m sure of it.
I can think for myself.
The serum never affected me.
They say I’m schizophrenic.
But oh, I am so much more.
~WILL - 2097
End of chapter
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Hey there Pompadour!!! It's MysteryMe, here for a quick review!!!
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Wow, let me just start off by saying that. This honestly felt like a real, published novel I might find next to something like 'The Hunger Games' or the 'Unwind' series (you may have never heard of it, but it's another awesome novel about fighting the government). You're seriously a great writer.
First off, I really admired how you managed to balance the voice of your character (I really felt like some teenager was narrating this) with your own personal voice as the writer. That's something that's hard to do, but you did it wonderfully.
The concept of this seems really fascinating, and I'll definitely be reading more. The way you ended it was a real cliff-hanger, and you wrote a lot of really nice, powerful sentences that stuck-out to me as the reader.
The only critique I have is that you did do a bit of an information-dump on the reader (don't worry, I do it to)! You may want to try spreading out some of that information in several chapters, so as that it feels more natural, and its easier to absorb.
Anyway, sorry this review is so short! I don't have a lot of time, but I just wanted to tell you that i really liked this. Nice job
Thanks for the review!
But I'm actually not writing this any more. The idea died out almost as soon as it was born. *plops down on the ground*
LOL, I see. Don't worry, it's happened to me before XD
I was going to say that 50 billion people could be a bit extreme, however...
/[i][i]
-Joel E. Cohen, Nov 1, 1992, Discover Magazine
Now, that being said, I can't refute how accurate Discover magazines statistics are because that's all I read of the article....
[i]Enter technology. Enter the blasted world of lab-rats and chemicals, of micro-processors and computer chips.[i]
Something you might want to look into, it's called the quantum computer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_computer
They exist as of now, but I think the highest computation they can achieve is 3x5... not overwhelmingly impressive. However, this is years in the future, when we have technology that wipes out nations.
Just a word of advice: Try not to use science fiction as a tool to justify doing whatever you want with your story. I'm not saying you are, so far it is fairly plausible. That being said, the goal of science fiction should be to make use look ahead and ask, 'When is this going to happen?'
Look at all the best science fiction out there. Star Trek had those palm things that aren't half as good as a smart phone. Another Star Trek example, Uhara's ear piece is Bluetooth. And geez, video communication like we see in spy movies from... what, early 2000? Just Skype. It's on my laptop, and probably every other living beings. Obi Wan Kanobi isn't the only hologram, Tupac can do that too.
That being said, we've ran into problems as well.
We can now make small objects invisible, but it presents problems, no light inside the invisible area, thus, whoever is invisible is also totally blind. The reason we don't have hover cars on the market: no friction. It's hard to come up with a decent breaking mechanism.
So as you write this story, keep in mind what is possible, not what is impossible. All of the best sci-fi is truly, actually possible.
Very interesting beginning. Just a few punctuation things you might want to check, like once you used a semi-colon instead of a comma. But minor things.
Now, reading through this, I love negative utopi*coughs* dystopias, and this felt right at home. It's so true! Humanity insists on stupidity over and over again, but one of the issues of studying Yesterday that you didn't point out here was that in analyzing Yesterday so much, there are those that insist that the mistakes of Yesterday weren't mistakes [not on every topic, but definitely a lot of them]. So our focus on the past, compounded with our bickering over whether or not the past was beneficial or a boatload of junk, is what acts like a catalyst in the cycle. And it is true that humans are the problem: we are too selfish; it's in human nature (called 'sin', people).
I don't know if you've read any of Ted Dekker's books, but this reminded me a lot of his newest series, coauthored with Tosca, The Books of Mortals. Now, the whole 'suppressing emotions to achieve perfection' isn't a new idea, but if you can do it well, go for it!
The only thing I'd mention is that with your fragmented punctuation (Using. This. To. Drive. It. HOME.) can get a little...old...after a while. So that's the only thing that I'd recommend changing. I realize you only used the periods thing twice(ish), but just be careful how close you place your highly emphasized points. Too much emphasis in one place leads to no overall emphasis. Let the words speak for themselves.
Hope this helps!
Yeah, when I wrote this, I thought it was kinda weird of me to. Do. This. I'll definitely be removing the periods then. Also, I wasn't completely intending on merely suppressing emotions. I also intended... *SPOILER ALERT*
Oops sorry. Can't say.
I haven't read Ted Dekker... yet. But I'm off to the local bookstore!
Thanks a ton!
~Pompadour
Oh, please do write more! I'm hooked. This is brilliantly well done! My heart was pounding a little by the end. This idea of emotionless empty people littering the world to keep everything peaceful is awful yet intriguing, especially when you toss in someone who's seemingly immune. I loved the way you unfolded the history of two familiar wars, and then told about the last one. I would love to know how small the leftover population is, because the Third Great War sounded incredibly apocalyptic. I'm caught in a way I haven't been for several years! This is extremely well done.
I am definitely looking forward to reading this. Like holy shit this sounds good. There are plenty of after apocalypse stories written, but I have not seen one that had an original idea like this. Not only is the idea of a tri-war interesting, but the tyranny of power from the government makes the point of remaking humans into robots to loose all emotions ironic. True tyranny. This is something I will look out for for sure. The detail of your writing style is adequate, and from what I see you have flawless grammar and spelling.
Oh, my gosh. That is by far the best prologue I have ever read. The world you created is beyond cool. It is just wow. The story is original and unique. It has it's own thing, it doesn't sound or read like the other futuristic stories it has an obvious twist that makes it addicting. I would love to read more of this, it is really good.
I absolutely am in love with this! The detail is exquisite. The story flowed nicely and I could feel the emotion very intensely. I definitely want to read more in to this. The idea is quite original and not like anything other. You really incorporated a lot of nice aspects. It had a good amount of action, but the chapter was to fragile to read. Every word was like an explosion of "KEEP READING" for me. Overall the read was easy. I really enjoyed the creativity. Also a nice touch with the dramatic affects!