Hello, everyone on the blue team! I wrote this poem just with you in mind on our YWS review day this Saturday! Please like and review it! Enjoy! ;)
Saturday has finally arrived
As the blue team, we cannot divide.
Critique and comment on all the rest
So we can prove that we own the test.
We'll read the poetry and shorts too
Best of luck I wish to you and you.
Whether we are cobalt or cyan
Keep up the pace and keep on tryin'.
The time has come for all blue to review.
Today's the day to get the message through,
That blue is the best out of all the rest
We are the ones who will rule YWS.
Applause will ring throughout the crowd,
Shouting blue and team ever so loud.
Like the ocean, we shall create a great wave,
So let us get started, we have time to save.
It's really the journey that we've got to do
To be the best and always review.
No matter what tries to push us away,
We must stand up, to say what we say.
We can't back down after we've come this far,
So let's beat the reds and raise up the bar.
We will get the badge and earn our reward
After reviewing; adding points we have scored.
So let us all cheer, for we shall all win,
Start now 'cause review day will soon begin!
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Yep, I realize this is the wrong review day, but GO BLUE!
That said, I will now review your poem.
The key to this poem's success is, methinks, down to a subject matter which at least a third of YWS agree with, and also to a rhythm/rhyming pattern that, although not perfect, contains no particularly obvious flaws.
Now for the bit I recommend an improvement.
I think that this could be improved by replacing the "'ccause" with the word "for", and putting a comma behind it. Less slangy.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks!
Flame here, as promised!
!
I enjoyed this, and your spirit is admirable, but as a member of Paint the Roses Red, I'm obligated to disagree with you. You be going down
To view this as a poem, though, it was well-written. Very well-written. It's quite a feat to squeeze twenty-six four-to-ten-word lines out of "the time has come for all blue to review!" Everything flowed steadily, and I love your rhyme scheme. Just a few minor details (feel free to ignore them)...
I'd suggest adding some parenthetical expression or interjection to make things flow a little better. Or maybe "best of luck to all of you."
In-line rhyming! Loving it! I'd just recommend reducing the first line to "Today's the day to get through."
Applause will shout? Maybe as an alternative for the second line "As we shout 'Blue Team' loud and proud"? Sorry, not the best poet.
The other way around? "We don't have time to save?"
Overall, fabulous job. Hope I wasn't too harsh. Understand that I truly enjoyed this. Keep up the good work!
Hold on, I forgot to mention my favorite lines!
It would be better replacing the word "reds" with "blues," but...nah, this is your poem
Keep up the good work!
Thanks GoldFlame! I would like to follow your suggestions, but I am a bit lazy right now. Until then, and thank you. Anything I can review for you?
No problem! Oh, I looked at the rankings, and you're almost at the top! Some reviewing machine
! Now I've gone crazy with exclamation points. It must be contagious. And no, nothing especially...
Hey Magenta, Strange here and I have a review for you!
I really like this poem. It flowed fluently, so that worked. I usually see poems like this edged out on Review Day. Can I agree with you? No. I'm a Red reviewer, so some Red reviewers might not like this. I loved this. I recently saw a poem and I said that was the best. I may have spoken a little bit early. Great job, Blue.
Overall, great job
Strange gives you...
8.9/10
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend *Hair flips*
Paint the roses red, my dear
Hi, Magenta! I would say I did like this poem but I can't say I agree with you. Your rhyming and flow was very good. I also liked the arranging of the stanzas- it seems to have worked out well. My favourite stanza would be:
"It's really the journey that we've got to do
To be the best and always review.
No matter what tries to push us away,
We must stand up, to say what we say.
We can't back down after we've come this far,
So let's beat the reds and raise up the bar.
We will get the badge and earn our reward
After reviewing; adding points we have scored.
So let us all cheer, for we shall all win,
Start now 'cause review day will soon begin! "
I am kinda jealous of the red team- they have an amazing inspirational poem writer. I liked it.
- Anshira
I'm on the blue team... Thanks for reviewing!
My pleasure!
Hey Magenta!
I know I'm on red and all but you did put this on our forum
First off, I LURRVE the rhyming pattern in this, it provides a steady flow to the poem that is hard to come by! I also like how you incorporated review day into it while still making it a poem and having a good structure. Much Kudos!
My favourite stanza has to be:
I just love how you stuff in all the rhymes and such.
Just one problem, it is all false, us reds will win
Great poem good luck on your reviewing!
I'd look at the scores before I would go saying things like that...
D:<
Hey there Teammate! Great piece of "spirit booster" you have here. You taking time to write this just for our team is very praiseworthy. I know that you must have written this rather hastily and there was not a lot you could do with the content- even though this makes for a sweet, simple and enjoyable poetry.
However since this is a review, I need to be a little critical. The flow is good; but I kind-of stumbled at few places. Especially this line felt out of place.
Thank you for the boost. Keep writing. Keep reviewing.
Hey Magenta! Sis here to review for you! This is a really cool "spirit song"! However, I think it might be a bit long...Some of the stuff could have been taken out, and some of it could have flowed a bit better. I see Messenger mentioned a couple of those below, so I won't go ninja on you, lol. My favorite part of this was:
We will get the badge and earn our reward
After reviewing; adding points we have scored.
So let us all cheer, for we shall all win,
Start now 'cause review day will soon begin!
However, even though I like these lines so much, I think they might flow a bit better if you said:
We will get the badge and earn our reward
After reviewing; adding points we have scored.
So let us all cheer, and strive for the win,
Start now 'cause review day's about to begin!
Just a suggestion! I'm not sure if you like that or not, but the last line seems so perfect...by itself. When I compare it to the line it rhymes with, it just doesn't seem to rhyme right. Ya know? See ya in the reviews! Keep writing!
-Sis
Thanks Sis!
Keep up the good reviewing...
Great poem! I hear that the review day is today and I guess this some serious spirit! XD
Thank you very much Wave!
Hey, I liked it Magenta. Few lines that seems too long though:
Just write you once and remove the "and". It just makes the line extended and makes everything less smooth by breaking up flow.
I would perhaps remove the "on" right before tryin'. Once again, it seems to disrupt flow by extending the line for too long.
Those are the two nitpicks I have. Now, this poem is definitely not as smooth as could be but it isn't necessarily a really easy subject to rhyme on without being repetitive. I thought you did a good job of mixing team spirit and "do quality reviews" all in one with this song. Other than that I don't have many thoughts. I liked it for our team!
Thank you very much! Hope to see you reviewing in approximately 8.37 hours!.
~ Magenta