Mirage

This was brilliant, so lets see if I can write it a review while it is still review day!
The rhythm/stanza breaks were great, and the helped to emphasize every line's meaning, and made it a little choppyer (in a good way). You don't want something with such a dark subject matter to have a silky smooth rhythm now.
The word choices and imagery were exceedingly good, as they made me think in a slightly feverish way, rather like the book Pincher Martin by William Golding.
A slight nitpick, I would consider changing the last line, as it doesn't really deliver much of a punch.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hi Magenta! I like the premise of the poem, the uncertain tone of the narrator - I began to feel a bit distressed myself (in a good way!).

The part with the room going ablaze nearly made me jump!

Nitpicks

It is choppy in some places. My suggestions (I quoted with my changes in them):

My body grew quite rigid - slowly, it began to freeze.

I thought this horrid sight'd soon end and I wouldn’t have to see,

But then realized I was troubled, which was all I'd ever be.

It was only a mirage, I said, but that did nothing for me.

I had to face the facts - that what I saw was what I’d see.

These illusions and delusions and misunderstandings were

Entirely a piece of fiction that would constantly occur.

Inside I knew I had a serious illness, mentally diseased,

But I couldn’t accept it even though the rest agreed.

Hello Magenta! It's been a while since I've written or reviewed, so my apologies if this is a bit less helpful than usual.

Well, as someone with a minor case of schizophrenia, I have to say that I find it interesting the way it crescendos into this hallucination - because, more often than not, if it lasts a long time, it does steadily become more detailed (for me, at least). And yes, admitting that I had a mental illness, to myself or others, was and is nearly impossible to do, so I found it interesting that you touch on the subject of acceptance as well. I think it would have been nice to see you phrase things a little less directly; for example, you say, "Inside I knew I had a serious illness, I was mentally diseased." If you could find a way to allude to this, without stating it outright, you will often end up with a more poetic affect.

You do a pretty decent job of maintaining your rhyme scheme, but there are times when the rhythm could definitely be better. Be sure to read it out loud and watch for any places where you might hesitate or acknowledge an extra syllable or two that throw it out of whack; it can be difficult to fix these things and maintain the rhyme scheme, but that's also a part of the challenge!

Either way, I thought that this was a good poem that I will stubbornly insist could be even better with some tweaking here and there. Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

Hello there, Magenta! Clarity here to review Mirage.

I like the poem. It's a good description of what a mirage entails, but you make it sound like more of a hallucination. Whether this was intended or not, it's a good concept!

I notice how you're format is a little messed up, but it's easily fixed, as fortis said on your comment.

I normally comment on SPaG (Spelling, Punctuation and Grammar) but I don't have enough time to go through that in detail. But what I will say, is that all of your SPaG is fine, if I was to comment on any of it, it would only be a suggestion on alternative methods. My only issue is with the capitals at the start of every line. Remember, you only need to use a capital letter at the start of a sentence. You can also use them to put emphasis on a word.

Your rhyme scheme actually works really well, I'm impressed because I have trouble using a successful rhyme scheme, and most of the time I see rhyme scheme that didn't turn out very well. So, congrats for that!

A lot of the things I would have said, have already been said, so there is no point in me repeating any of it!

Good luck with writing, and Happy review day!

-Clary

Hello Mirage. This poem is good. It has got good start. Forgive me if I am being rude but I think that the word "mirage" you choose was a mistake because mirage occurs in high temperature places such as desert ,not in the room. The character in this poem is experiencing hallucination due to some mental illness. I hope I am not offending you.

So, I'm here to blow up your poem XP

Things burning for days would be black charcoal by now... So that imagery isn't too effective
"As if it'd just been in my head" sounds too long and weird. Do we really need the "as if"? XP
Weren't real and fake are like the same things... Awkward repetition.
The last line and that ellipsis... It makes the ending feel weak and uncertain. *throws TNT at ellipsis*

^ specific flaws

But overall, the rhythm kinda fails. You see, the lines feel far too long... I think you could totally divide them in two, having two lines that don't rhyme and two that do ^.^ But... The rhythm still kinda fails. Its a little inconsistent and just feels awkward? I can't read it pleasantly, relying on it to propel me through the poem. I have to just pretend it isnt there and just read it monotonously, or it sounds wrong. Which isn't good XP Like, I think tis called the pentameter or something. And the rhyme itself... Is inconsistent Like, some lines randomly don't rhyme. Das not good at all ^^

The technical imperfections aside, however, and I require no explosives. None would do, for the content itself is rather awesome. The story is interesting and has an agreeable structure ^.^ Its a quite interesting depiction of someone experiencing hallucinations. So yeah. The story is amazing

*huggles* sorry if I was rather harsh… again, the only thing I didn't like was the rhythm itself, mostly ^.^ You might want to try saying what you write aloud... Or maybe singing it o.o If it can't be sung, in one form of another, I often find that something isnt right XD Oh well... Have fun writing *gives lollipop*

Hey there! I'm here to review your poem =)

I have to say, I really like your writing style. I'd suggest changing the format if you can. Right now it looks a bit clunky and that might deter some readers. So break them up into stanzas if possible.

This poem is a rhyming one, yes? I think you did an awesome job with that. There was one line that seems out of place to me. The line that goes "These illusions and delusions and misunderstandings were," This line. What does "were" rhyme with? Unless you did this intentionally I'd try and change this =P

It's quite troubling what this person is experiencing. Disappearing flames, wow. I guess I can assume this person is mentally ill? Or perhaps they're taking hallucinogens or something that induces these illusions. Delusions and hallucinations can really wreck someone's head. I can really see that with this speaker.

I really liked this. Gives me some insight. Nice job =)!

Hello Mirage, happy Review Day! Cheetah here to review your poem.

I really liked the flow of this. As fortis mentioned stanzas would be nice, but that aside, this was great! The rhyming you used didn't seem forced at all, something which is hard to accomplish.

A shadow cast upon my sill an umbrage of a bird,

Yet it came without a flutter; it came without a word.

But my mind was not quite thinking right and filled was I with fear.

I tried to back away and crawled further on the bed,

My body grew quite rigid and it slowly began to freeze.

But then I realized that I was troubled, and that it’s all I’ll ever be.

Hello Fellow Reader,

I wrote this quite hastily so be sure to write me a good review. By the way, I wasn't sure how to put the spacing differently so the stanzas that I thought were spaced are not actually separated. Please read this and be sure to leave a comment or review so I can improve on my writing of poetry. Thank you...