Uncertainty

Okay so what was your favorite childhood memory?

I dunno...Do you ever stop asking questions?

I didn't say it was your turn, Mister!

A smile spread across my lips as I sent the text out to him.

"Mari, what are you smiling about?" My sister asked, looking at me suspiciously. I quickly locked my phone and turned to her.

"Nothing. Just a funny text." I said, trying to hide my expression.

My sister raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Is it from Jakob again?"

I looked away, ignoring her question. There was a new text on my screen. I had met Jakob through some friends when I had entered my new school. He was really a cool guy. We had similar interest (do you know how rare it is to find a guy who likes anime?) and he was intelligent and had a comforting steadiness to him. We had been texting, non-stop, since the beginning of the school year. We met during break and shared lunch with our friends. We had become best friends in the shortest amount of time.

"Why not just go out with him?" My sister asked, taking my silence as a yes. I looked at her, unable to control the heat rising towards my cheeks.

"We are going out tonight."

"I mean as more than friends, stupid." She teased.

I just shook my head. It was a valid possibility, but what if it didn't work out? I liked him but did he like me?

Jakob picked me up that night in his shabby, out of shape, but endearing truck. We called her Betsy. I tried hard to look normal, but the thought of dating had crept into my head, making me flustered over how I looked. I lifted myself into the vehicle (it was pretty tall) and gave my usual hello to Jakob.

"Hey, Mister. How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. You?" He replied, looking at me directly.

"Spiffy."

"Neat." He smiled slightly and we drove off. Jakob didn't speak freely very often. He chose his words carefully, replying to everything steadily. He laughed appropriately. I laughed unnecessarily. He always had an important thing to say. This is what I liked most about him.

Tonight, it went the same as usual. We looked through piles of manga (Japanese comic books), I asked him questions, he replied in the most interesting way, then we grabbed a drink, reading our new books. I felt my heart pick up as I looked at him. I kind of liked the way his black hair flopped down in front of his face and how he looked so concentrated in what he was doing.

I shook my head. No, Mari. I mulled it over in my mind and decided to see what kind of possibilities were there.

"Uhm, Jakob?" I said, trying to sound aloof.

"Hm?" He looked up from his book.

"What do you look for in a girl?" I said. Darn me and my inability to be stealthy.

"Huh? Where did this come from?" He raised an eye brow. "Let's just say I'm pretty picky. Look at my past crushes for reference..."

He had liked three girls before. Each were short, cute, with long black hair and almond shaped eyes. Each of them had artistic capabilities. Each were very sweet and nice.

"Ah..." was all I could say. I didn't look like those girls. I was average in height, not as perky and anime-like, and my hair was full of black curls. This disheartened me a bit. After reading the rest of our books, we were walking back to the car and sat there for a few moments. I couldn't conjure up any conversation that could fill the silence.

"Uhm, so...why did you asked me what kind of girl I liked?" He asked suddenly.

"I...I just wanted to know so maybe I could...I could help you out." I said quietly. That's a lie, I thought to myself.

"Help me...get a girl?" He said, smiling a bit as if it was silly.

"Yea. I know you want a girlfriend." He had told me this awhile ago, considering he never had one before. He never liked taking chances without knowing a certain outcome.

"Okay, so what do you suggest?" Jakob said, brushing the strands of hair that always found a way to cover his forehead.

"I think...You should be more confident..." I said. "I mean...You're pretty charming and nice and sweet...girls probably would go for you."

"What if they count me out and I make a fool of myself?" He asked.

"Well, sometimes you have to take that chance." I said, looking directly at him. We locked eyes. It happens a lot, though now it made my heart beat kick up a few paces. He had a thoughtful look about him and his lips formed into a small smile.

"Maybe you're right...I think...I'll try and take a chance..." He said. My face grew hot. Was he going to ask me out?

Then I realized he took out his phone and our eye contact broke. He started typing and I took the time to compose myself. In the dark car, I don't think my red face was noticeable.

"So what should I say to her?" He asked suddenly. I swore my heart fell down to my stomach.

"Who?" I asked, trying to sound normal.

"Taylor." He said. Taylor was a girl who he had developed a crush for a year earlier, but she had gotten a boyfriend a few months later and he gave up.

"Just...start by talking about homework or something...." I took a deep breathe and sighed out, "Then maybe something will happen from there..."

He nodded and I heard his phone clicking as he texted her, then started up the car. Silly Mari, how could you ever have think that he could...?, I thought quietly, keeping my eyes out the window.

We arrived back at my house at 10 pm.

"Thanks, Mari, for the advice. I really think you helped me today..." He said as I got out of the car. I looked at Jakob's face once more, locking eyes with him again.

"No problem!" I said, trying to sound cheerful. I closed the door and started to walk back to my house, but I turned suddenly.

"Jakob, I-" I started but the engine revved and he was off. I watched the car turn the corner and vanish from my sight. I finished my sentence quietly to myself. "I think...I love you..."