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GemsWorld Quest Chapter 7: The jewel

by TinkerTwaggy


"Don't you dare scare me like that ever again!"

Crystial's voice was filled with a mix of anger and fear. Her arms were wrapped around me in a tight hug, and I didn't think even my Mom would be able to top that amount of desperate strenght. DG really went too far...

"Well you are definitely scaring me with the strenght you're putting in this hug", I answered. "Please let me breath!"

Reluctantly, she released me from her embrace. She still looked very panicked.

"I thought I was going to die! It was not funny at all you know!"

After I barely regained control of my body, I realized that Cyfer had already struck the ground. However DG wasn't entirely focused when it happened, and thankfully the mace missed Crystial's head.

By a tiny bit.

Crystial was almost crying in place back then, but I reassured everyone saying that it was another stupid joke of mine – plausible explanation apparently, since everyone laughed. Only Crystial remained in shock, probably because she felt something different. She felt that I wasn't myself when attacking. But that didn't stop me for claiming my Golden Oryktia Crafting Certificate, which would finally open the gates to the Main Academy, where I could continue my studies and learn more about the Mineral of Hope.

Thrilling perspectives ahead!

I deciced to go on the hill with Crystial by my side – she needed some fresh air after what happened. As for my Dopplegänger, he hadn't manifested himself for a while now. Couldn't blame him: I would be angry too if a scheme I've been planning for years had completly failed.

"Well, that was the point", I finally said to Crystial. "Wouldn't have been so funny without you thinking you were actually going to die."

A triumphant smile appeared on my face as I added:

"On your first defeat."

She sighed.

"It didn't felt like a joke at all. This mace was going to destroy my head like a mere rock."

"Your pretty face would have never forgiven me with such a hit."

"Thank you."

My smile grew larger. She still had one explanation to give me, and I was not going to let her get away that easily.

"Besides", I suddenly continued, "you should consider this joke as a nice revenge for what you did to me the past months."

She froze.

"What... What do you...?"

"Oh you perfectly know what I mean", I interrupted. "You've been spyining on me, haven't you? Every single time. I love trainning in that small forest near Rockenbor, and usually nobody goes there. But a few weeks ago I saw you sneaking around, suspiciously close to my usual trainning spot."

"No! I... I was just..."

"Furthermore," I continued without letting her the time to speak, "I perfectly noticed how easily you could anticipate some of my Summoned Skills, as if you already knew what to do in order to counter them. I know you Crystial. I know you too well, and some of your reflexes were unatural against Skills that you weren't suppose to experience yet. I don't know if I would still win without your little advantage, but I guess we'll never figure out."

This time, she remained silent. She was trembling.

"Much better. Now explain yourself. Why did you spy on me? Do you cherish victory that much? Please don't bother denying any longer: just give me your reasons."

She was trying to avoid my gaze, still silent. During a couple of minutes I thought she would not answer me, but finally she looked at me and a tiny smile appeared on her face.

"It's not about victory", she started. "I...I just like to see you trainning. Because when you do, you are yourself. When you're trainning, you don't do it to please others or entertain them. You are focused on your task. You smile when you succeed and sigh when you don't. You try to surpass your limitations and master the new weapons you create. That is the Dyrow I like to see."

Was this some kind of silly confession? I really didn't like where this was going. I was never interested in pathetic love stories, those represented the part that annoyed me the most about drama.

"But I... I didn't expect to perfectly remember what you were trainning on", she continued, almost whispering. "I just wanted to watch the real you in action. Not a shell of yourself that you create to cover your true persona."

"That shell, Crystial, is a part of myself." I replied. "I created it, that's true, but that doesn't excuse you at all."

"I know! I know it doesn't! But... You're the only person I know who goes over my social status. You don't look at me for what I possess, you look at me for what I am."

She let out a deep sigh and looked away.

"Even my parents treat me as if I was some kind of pleaseant doll that they can manipulate."

So that was the problem. My gaze was honest towards her, and it wasn't the case for the others. As a result, she felt lonely, different, just like me a few years ago. But she didn't have a mind shard to absorb her pain. I was the only one she could count on that could repel it.

"A pleasant doll, huh?" I repeated, thoughtfully. "You should at least be glad they don't want to buy a new one. It shows that you can't easily be replaced."

She chuckled.

"That's another side of you I like to see, Dyrow. You seem to ignore pain as if it was inexistant. You can make a joke out of everything. It makes me feel better sometimes"".

Her smile was tender now. But I really wasn't in the mood for any kind of sentimental matter.

"Do you have any idea what those defeats meant to me?" I calmly answered. "With your egoistic wish, you prevented me five times to earn my Golden Crafting Certificate. We both know that things would've been different without the advantage you had."

"I know and I'm sorry. I... couldn't help it."

She sighed again.

"To be honest, I think you should have beaten me since the first time we fought. And to this day, I've been keeping something with me that I believe you deserve."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

She closed her eyes. With a flash of light, an Oryktia Stone appeared in her open hand.

It was at least twice bigger than my fist, and I wasn't able to determine the number of facets it had, nor its defined colour. Each facet seemed to reflect the light of the sunset in a different way, and the overall colour of the gemstone changed everytime I bliked or looked at it in a different angle. A leather strap was attached to it.

I had never seen such a magnificent Oryktia Stone in my entire life.

"This is for you Dyrow." she whispered. "Please accept this gift as a token of my gratitude. I hope you will be able to pardon me."

This time, it was my turn to smile.

"As you said, I have the ability to ignore pain. I never felt any kind of hatred towards you, you know. I just wanted to understand why you did what you did. It's behind us now, let's move on."

I once again gazed at the incredible gem.

"What is this Oryktia Stone anyway? This is the first time I lay my eyes on such a masterpiece. You didn't craft it did you? I know you're skilled, but this is way beyond our combined abilities."

"Well... I'm not supposed to tell you, so please keep it a secret. No, I didn't craft it. My dad got it in an Oryktia Auction. You know what this is about right?"

I nodded. Of course I knew!

Our ways of life were almost entirely relying on the Oryktia technology, therefore many events were organized and based on discoveries about the Mineral of Hope. Oryktia Auctions were part of them. Explorers, scientists, tourists, everyone could participate in an Auction, as long as the entry fee was paid, usually very expensive. My Dad hosted many auctions himself, and could get money out of it, if the participants were interested enough in his discoveries and inventions. I remember assisting to one once, and it was thrilling to see how important wealth could be in those cases. It always appeared like some kind of huge gamble to me.

"According to my dad," continued Crystial, "this stone is very special but really difficult to master. I've tried once and failed: it has an incredible amount of energy. I'm just not used to that."

"And you're giving it to me?" I said in a mocking tone. "A dark-skinned monster who'll probably use this gem to take over the pure and innocent world and fill it with its evil? Such a waste. I'm sure your dad will be extremely proud of you!"

"You idiot!" she replied, laughing. "I can't believe you're still stuck on that matter. Come on, let me put this around your neck."

Turning talk into action, she used the leather strap to put the wonderful gem around my neck.

And suddenly kissed me in the process.

That move of her was quite unexpected, and I was now froze in place, dazzed by it. It felt... warm. Nothing else. I often read that when those kind of things happened – especially by a girl that the... 'victim' liked, and I liked Crystial a lot –, the heart would begin to beat faster, and the subject would begin to blush – another thing that I never experienced.

But oddly, neither of those things were happening to me. It felt vaguely warm, I was surprised, but that was it.

Crystial broke the kiss, smiling.

"I'm sorry", she whispered. "But you are the most incredible person I've ever met. Thank you."

She literally ran anway and left me alone with my thoughts and no possibility to answer back or do anything else.

"Well well, looks like her interest was only sentimental after all. And I thought she was some kind of nuisance..."

I laughed out loud.

"About time you showed up, grumpy demon! You appreciated the play?"

"That Act was particulary boring. You should've dodged that kiss."

"Oh come on! I was way to focused on the gem to do that."

"Hm... I have no idea why you're still talking to me as if nothing happened."

"That's because you have no idea how empty those minutes were without you around. Oh and also because I would've done pretty much the same thing in your position. Really can't blame you for being such a jerk. Welcome back to the party!"

"I still think you're a happy-go-lucky simpleton though, especially for letting this girl kiss you so easily."

"And I think you're a cold-hearted and stupid murderer, especially for trying to kill an innocent human being such as her. Well, not entirely innocent, I'll give you that. On a side note you finally improved your grammar."

"Just start walking already. We have to check how powerful that new gem of yours really is. That's my main priority right now."

"Right on! Let's get moving."

I raised my fist in the air.

"Tricky mind 'til the end!" I shouted.

"...As it should be."

With a maniac laughter, I marched back to my house, perfectly aware that any other person passing by would have thought that I was really insane. Which would probably be a correct assessment of my character. But I was eager to see if I would be able to succeed where Crystial failed: master a highly powerful Oryktia Stone that nobody managed to use before. I could even use it to upgrate my weapons even more, and that would definitly be a good advantage for me if I wanted to shine in the Main Academy.

Thrilling perspectives ahead!


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189 Reviews


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Sun Dec 29, 2013 3:39 pm
manisha wrote a review...



HEY!
Next chapter! Yay :D

I'll review as I read.

"Don't you dare scare me like that ever again!"
So I take it Dyrow is back and she isn't death.

You are missing commas in a few places. I'll point few out for you.
"Well, you are definitely scaring me with the strenght you're putting in this hug"
"Oh, you perfectly know what I mean
"Much better. Now, explain yourself.
I just read that Megsug pointed out about the missing commas so I'll leave this here. :D

During a couple of minutes I thought she would not answer me,
This kinda sounds odd. Maybe you could try-
For a couple of minutes I thought she would not answer me.

Another thing I notice is that you use the commas outside the quotation.
For example-
"It's not about victory", she started.
You probably know this but I'll mention them anyway.
"I'm alright,' she said.
'I'm alright.' She said.
Take a look here

Really can't blame you for being such a jerk. Welcome back to the party!"
Noo! I know you said Dyrow was eager to forgive him because he feels DG is a part of him but he just took over his mind and tried to kill a friend. I would expect a bit of anger!

Hm... I have no idea why you're still talking to me as if nothing happened."
Did you not mention in some chapter that DG never referred to himself as an individual. Here he does. Which is good. You are probably trying to show that DG has gained a mind of his own and it continues to remain with him. Which brings us to Dyrow's reaction. Wouldn't he be worried DG will take over again? And be much stronger the next time to fight against? It could be just me but I'm finding it hard to relate to Dyrow's coolness about DG's behavior.

I could even use it to upgrate my weapons even more
Upgrate is upgrade. Minor typo.

Thrilling perspective ahead!
Haha! Perfect ending!

Overall, this was another really good chapter. I enjoyed reading it! Its nice to see Crystial having feelings for Dyrow. Its going to get much interesting further on.
The only complaint I have is the lack of other descriptions. I mentioned this in the before chapter. It's wholly revolving around the conversations and not much of other things. Don't be afraid to experiment with the other senses. The smell, taste, look.
Talk about the path they are walking on, the trees that grow around, is the sky pale or bright, is there breeze. All those little things that will give life to the story.

Notify me when the next one is up!

Keep writing~




TinkerTwaggy says...


Oh hey there, completely forgot to answer your review (I usually do it), so gonna do it now, since it's an interesting one ;)

Thanks for the comas, and yes I DO need to work on them.
Ok so now I realize I have grammar typos, and typos due to my lack of knowledge about the typical English expressions/sentences. Any advices on that?

Oh, that... I can't answer you now, wait until next chapter :p
Yes, indeed, DG has evolved since the last chapter (after trying to take over Dyrow's body). As for Dyrow's coolness, you will understand why next chapter. I really can't get into details without spoiling you, so I'll keep that quiet :p Just a little tip though, I can't resist: "Tricky spirit 'til the end".
Find the key word in this sentence and you might understand why Dyrow doesn't need to worry ;)

Oh... It's with a D? Dang I DID spell checked that thing. I might change for another one...

Thanks :D

Again, thanks :) It will indeed get more interesting, that I promise. I still have a lot to work on though, which is why the chapters take so much time (oh and school's in the way too). "Don't be afraid to experiment with the other senses." Hm. That's part of another main problem I have: world development. *takes notes*

Surely! And I WILL keep writing alright! The support means a lot :)

~Shell Master Tortwag ~



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Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:45 am
megsug wrote a review...



Hello Tortwag,
I haven't read any of the prior chapters, so forgive me if I get confused.

Crystial was almost crying in place back then, but I reassured everyone saying that it was another stupid joke of mine – plausible explanation apparently, since everyone laughed. Only Crystial remained in shock, probably because she felt something different. She felt that I wasn't myself when attacking. But that didn't stop me for claiming my Golden Oryktia Crafting Certificate, which would finally open the gates to the Main Academy, where I could continue my studies and learn more about the Mineral of Hope.

This is a loooot to put in one paragraph. Because there's so much going on, I don't really understand everything that happened. You could put some of this into dialogue. I would really like to see him pretend it was a joke. It's a funny moment that has kind of been abandoned and the jump you make is very disorienting for the reader. It would probably be easier to just narrate the entire happening completely.

"That shell, Crystial, is a part of myself." I replied. "I created it, that's true, but that doesn't excuse you at all."

Totally agree with the shell is a part of myself thing.

You've kind of ignored the beauty of a comma where you really need some punctuation. There's so much missing punctuation that I don't think I'll try to cover it in this review, but I highly suggest you look at this article. It's fairly short and easy to understand. It could really help you out. I'd be happy to talk to you and point out/explain different places you need commas if you wish.

There are also some more typos that ShadowWings missed, but a read through and a spell checker should pick all of those out.

Crystial was a cutie, and your main character is definitely intriguing. Doppelgangers are very cool. I'm interested to see where this goes.

If you have any questions or comments feel free to contact me.
See you,
Megs~




TinkerTwaggy says...


Hi Megsug, and thanks for reviewing my work!
I guess you don't really have the time to read the others since you probably have a lot to review, so don't worry about it. Good luck for the others you'll make ;)

Hm... That's an interesting idea you got there. I was about to say "well of course you didn't understand it all since you didn't read the rest", but you're right. Would've definitly something fun to write and show to the public... I'll remember that.

As for the comma (MY ARCH-NEMESIS!!!!), Please point out/explain different places where I would need commas, I sitll don't master them completly.

That's... That's weird, I did spellchecked the whole chapter (3 times) and re-read just to be sure. Looks like I still have a lot to learn huh...


Glad you liked it overall though, I'll be sure to try and improve for the next chapters :)

~Shell Master Tortwag~



megsug says...


As soon as review day's done, I'd be happy to do a huge edit for you to show you what I noticed. :) And a lot of people hate commas. I understand.



TinkerTwaggy says...


Right on! I'll be waiting for it ;)



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Sun Dec 29, 2013 1:34 am
Rurouni wrote a review...



Woooowww!




Now this was an interesting work! I haven't read the other chapters, but I'm hooked!

This was a very looonng piece of work, and you might want to chop it up so when someone goes to review they don't skip it because it's too long. Just a tip ;)

Now, here we go into the review!

"Oh you perfectly know what I mean", I interrupted. "You've been spyining on me, haven't you? Every single time. I love trainning in that small forest near Rockenbor, and usually nobody goes there. But a few weeks ago I saw you sneaking around, suspiciously close to my usual trainning spot."


A few spelling errors here.

Spyining should be spying.
Trainning is training.

I'll give you some inside tips, you don't double the consonant or add an i. I'll just give you a quick example dear,

Running. In Running you do Double the consonant. Because if we spelled it runing, it would be pronounced R eww ning. In running we say Run ing. Mmkay? Good.

However, in training. We do not double the consonant. Why? In the word Train, the two letters A and I produce one sound, a long A. When we add the ing, it doesn't effect the sound. Mmkay? Good.

In a word like flying. We don't add another i before adding the ing. We simply add the ing to the root of the word. Fly + ing + Flying. Same with Spying.

Ing is a suffix, I'm sure you know, and the word that the suffix is added to is the root, or root word. A word in front like in uncomfortable, the un is a prefix!

Okay?

Good, if you have any questions, you can PM me and I can help you further, mmkay dear? Good.

Your writing is very good. I love it. I'd like to help you a bit on some things.... Only a few more things!

I'll give you a quick example of the next thing!

"What do you mean?" She asked, turning around.
"You know exactly what I mean." He grinned.

Now, to spice this up, we could add their names!

"What do you mean?" Gaia asked, turning around.
"You know exactly what I mean." Ouranus grinned.

See? You can go back and forth between the he and she and alternate to the names! It sorta spices it up, in case the reader had a moment of a brain fart and forgot who was talking!


Another misspelling...

"Furthermore," I continued without letting her the time to speak, "I perfectly noticed how easily you could anticipate some of my Summoned Skills, as if you already knew what to do in order to counter them. I know you Crystial. I know you too well, and some of your reflexes were unatural against Skills that you weren't suppose to experience yet. I don't know if I would still win without your little advantage, but I guess we'll never figure out."


Unatural is unnatural. Un itself is a prefix, like a suffix but at the beginning, thus you need to add another N so it's not U natural. Mmkay?

So, I really enjoyed this, and I love that little kiss she gives him, how sweet!

Amazing job, keep it up!

Always,

SW




TinkerTwaggy says...


I always find too bad that people can't read the previous chapters before reviewing this one, but it's okay. Glad you enjoyed it though :)

Nice tips you gave me too, I'll have to keep them in a little folder. Dang what's wrong with my Spellchecker though...

I'll be sure to keep it up for the next chapters too, those advices are really helpful. Thanks again and good luck for your next reviews ;)

~Shell Master Tortwag~




"Do not try to be pretty. You weren't meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don't let anyone ever simplify you to just 'pretty'"
— Suzanne Rivard