12+

GemsWorld Quest Chapter 1: Dramatic demon and dastardly spirit

"More precision", I whispered, "I need more precision."

Motivation is the key to the plan's success.

Try to be quiet for once! I'm trying to focus here.

I sighed. I was really tired of this mind shard of mine. It was as if a piece of my spirit had decided to separate itself from the rest in an attempt to function on its own. Sometimes it helped me, and sometimes – like now – it was simply annoying. Especially in a situation in which I had to concentrate on a task: it would always slow me down. I tightened my grasp on the Stone Staff I had in hand. This was the last move I had to try out before my little showdown.

Should give a good name to this move.

An artist always give a name to its work AFTER finishing it!

Not necessarily...

We'll save that debate for later.

I had nothing to lose anyway: it was now or never. Taking a deep breath, I raised my right arm above my head and started drawing a fictional circle in the air with a swift movement of my arm. After a few of them, my movement picked up speed. Then, I began my recital:

"Rekindled Earth!" I chanted. "Come now under my control! Gather around me and follow my will!"

Really feel like a magician now.

Shut up and watch!

Responding to my recital, the ring of stones around me began to move and followe the movement of my arm.

An element of the earth tries to float in the air. Interesting contrast.

And that, was when my mind shard wanted to be sarcastic. I nicknamed it "DG". From the word "Doppleganger". In any case, the ring of stone around me floated faster and faster, until it became completely blurred. The signal I was waiting for. "Let me borrow your might and strike my enemy!" I continued. Using my staff, I pointed in the direction of a nearby tree. The perfect target. "Roar now and crush it! Stone Hoop"!

Will come up with a better name later.

Improvising's not always easy you know!

Following my movement and my will, the ring of spinning rocks went crashing into the tree at an astounding speed. The collision of my Stone Hoop with its target created a small explosion, projecting dust and pebbles all around the poor tree but also around the teenager who was standing next to it. That... would be me.

Teacher's surely going to make another remark for this.

Teacher?... "The teacher!" I shouted, "dang it, I'm going to be late for the battle session!" with a rapid recital, I sent the Stone Staff back into my Oryktia Stone. I put the Stone back into my pocket and rushed out of the forest I was training in.

What's the result by the way?

Good question. I quickly looked behind me in search of the tree that I used as a target.

A tree? What tree?

A confident smile appeared on my face as I tried to find my way out of the forest. After my little experience, the remains of the tree showed with an remarkable accuracy what fate had stricken the wooden target. Obliteration. And obliteration was the one word I needed to describe what would happend to my opponent if I managed to pull out this move against her.

******

The Skafi Corner was the most famous Oryktia Crafting Club in Rockenbor. All the budding Oryktia Crafters of the city knew the place, and even though it was technically open to anybody, the newbies usually didn't last long without solid skills for both Orkytia crafting and Oryktia brawling. I, thankfully, was an exception.

Only three weeks after joinning the club, I was already one of the most skilled Oryktia user of the town, both in the crafting and brawling aspects. However, I didn't manage to get my reputation easily, and I was still not respected by most of my comrades. That was the downside of having a dark skin: it was always necessary to prove to the others that you were not a demon by nature. On the good side, my dark skin allowed my dramatic mimics to be more effective against people. Probably why they kept thinking I was mad.

Should speed up a bit.

I got this DG. I got this.

The club was now in my sight. Impossible to miss it: the small construction was stuck between two large building, and a light blue insignia with gold stripes indicated the name of the club: The Scafi Corner. I always wondered how they came up with that name, too. There might be an explanation behind it. I quickly opened the familiar entrance to the place and went straight to the receptionist's office. Reading a book as usual: she didn't even bother looking at me. "Almost late again Dyrow." said the woman while reajusting her glasses. "Usual room. But hurry, they're about to start.".

"I'm already gone!"

The usual room was at the end of the corridor next to the office. I could already hear the teacher calling the register.

"...Here!"

"Nico Yolandia..."

"Present!"

"And finally, Dyrow Wagate..."

I burst into the room at full speed, almost destroying the door in the process. It was a bit reckless, but I had to make a dramatic entrance. I had to. With a confident grin – Although I was a bit exhausted – I answered right in front of my teacher's surprised face: "Present as always, and ready to roll, sir!"

Best. Intro. Ever.

And that was when I really appreciated DG's presence in my mind.

"Looks like you've been running." the teacher commented. "New hobby of yours Dyrow?" He seemed rather amused by my entrance, probably because he was used to my regular "shows", Just like I was used to the glances of the pupils of the club. There were the ones that looked at me as if I had two heads instead of one, the ones that looked at me like they'd look at a funny circus clown, and the ones that looked at me without a real interested. That last category was my favorite: they implied that there would always be people who wouldn't judge me by my behavior and appearance. That I, like everyone else, could be just another being to look at with indifference.

"Not really sir." I finally answered, "I just didn't want to be late for my favorite part of your lovely lesson."

Perfect insistance on "lovely". Deserves an award.

We'll get an award after her beating. Only after.

As expected, my fateful rival was here as well.

Crystial, the best Oryktia Stone user in Rockenbor, was looking at me like the others. Although her glance was impassive, I could easily recognize that peculiar spark in her eyes when she was entertained. I may have observed her a little bit too much lately.

Like now.

"Alright then!" said the teacher, preventing another silent argument between me and my mind shard. "Since we're all here, let us begin. Is there any volunteer for this week's battle session?" the teacher was only in the middle of his sentence that two hands were already raised, awaiting for him to notice them. My hand and Crystial's.

She's ready for another brawl.

As expected. I can't wait.

"Very well." the teacher conclued, a little smile on the lips. "Stand up you two. Prepare your gear."

Wearing his eternal blue tunic, the teacher was really tall, even when he was kneeling. As an Oryktia instructor, he had a large amount of knowledge and experience to share, however I was pretty sure I was one of the rare pupils paying attention to his wise words instead of looking at his muscular body - boys and girls alike, although their reasons were different. Following my teacher's order, I stood up. "Come to me, my trusty armor, and let us brawl once more!"

Not really a rhyme.

I'll take care of verbal skills later.

In a flash of light, a metallic armor suddently appeared on me, as if it was always there, willing to protect my body from any kind of blows. Crystial, however, had already her armor on, and summoned her weapon instead. The fearsome Limpid Spear.

No oral incantation?

Technically it's not needed, she just pulled out her Oryktia Stone and summoned the weapon inside it..

"So," Crystial said. "It seems that you're ready for another painful kick in the butt. Right, Dyrow?"

The verbal attack has begun. Initiate phase one.

I'm on it!

Her face was still expressionless, but her voice was definitely playful. The party was promising.

"Kick in the butt?" I replied in a mocking tone. "Why do you skip the part where you are exhausted, barely able to stand up after each of our battles?" I could now see a few smiles from the pupils around us, and Crystial's cheeks turned red.

Perfect insistance on «Kick in the butt». Need to speak slighty louder.

"Hm! I think you talk too much, little boy." Crystial replied. "It gets rapidly annoying."

"Sharp weapon, sharp tongue, choose your character, little girl!"

This time, the crowd could barely restrain their laugher – including the teacher – and a smile finally made his appearance on Crystial's face. "I think I'll test both characters before choosing. Let me start with the sharp weapon!"

Phase one successful. Now commencing phase two.

"Then sharp weapon it is!" I replied while joyfully pulling out my Oryktia Stone. "You heard the lady, little rock! Show her the sharp weapon inside you. Appear before my eyes, Mojuko!"

Couldn't come up with a weirder name.

At least I'm creative. Limpid Spear's not the most original name around.

I was indeed creative, and that fact was true for my weapon's introduction as well. My left hand still holding my Stone, I kneeled and put my right hand on the ground. I slowly stood up, my right hand now gripping my stone staff, as if it had been there waiting for me all along. Ignoring the gasps and astonished exclamations of the crowd, I let my dramatic glare penetrate my rival's eyes while shouting my final sentence: "Dear Crystial, say hello to my brand new masterpiece! And goodbye to your ephemerical domination on the top!"

The spark in her eyes became a fully-grown blaze. "My so-called domination shall last longer than you think, little boy!" she retorted, "let me demonstrate you my ruling power by shattering your worthless ambitions!"

She's been studying dramatic replies as well.

Huh. Just for this moment?

With her armor and the Limpid Spear by her side, she definitly looked like a dreadful warrior. Her long blue hair were shinnier than ever, and her green eyes revealed a level of confidence equal, perhaps even superior to mine. Most certainly, she's been training without stopping as well. Difficult fight ahead...

"Now, now, that's enough you two! You've entertained us well with the chit-chat." the teacher's voice now sounded like a discordant melody in our masterful orchestra. But he had a point: it was time for us to get started.

"Get ready Oryktia Brawlers...!"

Crystial put herself in battle position. So did I.

"Go!"

Initiating battle plan phase one.

"Let's dance!"

Comments & reviews · 6
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Heeeeyyyy! Supppp?

it would always slow me down.

I just think this might sound better as: "it always makes me slow."

An artist always give a name to its work AFTER finishing it!

Saying "its" is a little awkward. Is the narrator a boy or a girl? Use his/her respectively with the narrator's gender instead.

And that was when my mind shard wanted to be sarcastic. I nicknamed it DG by the way.

I wanted to start this by saying well done in creating opposing characters. The DG and the MC have a very clear feud and distinct personalities already. That being said I think you should change the first sentence to this: "My mind shard likes to be sarcastic" because it just seems like a sarcastic entity. And for the second sentence I think you should drop the "by the way."

until it became completly blurred.
The signal I was waiting for.
"Will come up with a better name later."

Completely is spelled wrong. Then I also wanted to point out that you had a lot of Small paragraphs, which is fine, but short paragraphs or sentences are usually used for dramatics so I think line one and two I quotes should be together and I would put a semi colon, no actually a comma there, so join them. And then the DG's dialogue, I just thought it should say"should come up with..." instead of "Will."

Following my movement and my will

I would say: "Following my will and command..."

This was the downside of having a dark skin

I would take out the "a" here.

That last cathegory was my favorite:

This should be "category." And then going along with what I was saying about the short paragraph thing. I would join the paragraph this sentence starts with the two previous to it because they wall go together.

"Perfect insistance on "lovely". Deserve an award."

Here "insistence" is spelled wrong, but to me it feels out of place. I can tell you're trying to get around the use of I but there are better ways to do it. Something like: "Nice touch with the "lovely," deserves an award."

The teacher was only in the middle of his sentence that two hands were already raised

his sounds weird, I'm actually not even sure what it's supposed to say. I would change it to something like: "The teach only got half way through his sentence before two hands shot up eagerly..."

"Very well" conclued the teacher

(I'm really sorry! I know it feels like I'm nitpicking everything!)
"Concluded" is spelled wrong and there should be a comma after "very well" before the quotations.

thrill me up

This is awkward. "Excite me?"

already her armor on

"her armor on already?"
Plus that thing he says is a nice rhyme doesn't really rhyme, sorta but the rhythm is off.

a smile finally made his appearance

"it's" would sound less weird than "he."

I kneeled and put

"knelt."

Her long blue hair were shinnier than ever

So "were" should be "was" and "shinier" is spelled wrong.

I know again with the nitpicking but don't think that meas I didn't like it because I did! I love the bickering between the MC and the DG, and also this little flirtation going on between him and the girl. Oohlala. I like the idea, and you end it well. I'm a little confused about all the sci-fi magicy elements but that's just me, not you. It's something I have to get used to. Anyway, good plot even though it could still use more imagery. And overall it could benefit from description. Describe in detail! It need a little more of that, that may be why the paragraphs are so short.
Onward!
Change out.
Team Rouge.

DANG IT. DANG. IT. I'm not angry because you're nitpicking (my mom and my teachers always do it anyway), but I'm angry because there are SO MANY mistakes that I shouldn't be making right now. I wasn't using a spell checker for this chapter, but even so.

And yeah I do need to do more imagery: I tend to forget that not anyone have experiences similar to mine, thus not everyone can see things like I do.

Actually few people can according to my classmates XD
Anyways, I'll try my best and correct this chapter. Glad you liked it though :D

User avatar
Mardehoward
Review

Hi, there! Thanks for letting me know when this chapter was out! I have to admit that this was great!!! I admire your skills.

As you know, I've been wanting to read this, but If I haven't it's only because of how busy I have been. This chapter was really captivating! It lured me from start to end. In fact, I'm going to review chapter 2 as well. =)

I have to let you know that there were some grammatical errors here. But other than that, this story is quite amusing! Really, those mistakes are almost unnoticeable but quite important. I have some of my works that also need some editing.

Your vocabulary was so splendid! I have to say that if I ever heard a vocabulary this good, I'd be really amazed. So the way that he argues with himself is also a very good touch. I really liked this rivalry thing between the two students. Though I think that it's only in a professional kind of way. =D

"'My so-called domination shall last longer than you think little boy!" she retorted, "let me demonstrate you my ruling power by shattering your worthless ambitions!'" Like I already said, perfect vocabulary and amazing comeback. Now I have to admit that both characters (Dyrow and Crystial) are good, but for a reason, maybe cause I can relate to her, I like more Crystial! XD I think this is the best line ever!!!

So far your story is sooooo amazing! I love it! I'm so liking it!!!!

Keep up the good work! ;)

~Marde!

Wow, thanks :D Sorry to answer this late, I've been quite busy as well, but I'm glad you liked the story that much (put so much effort into it^^).

Heh, thanks for Crystial, too :D I actually studied Drama myself, so it was easier for me to pull out the vocabulary and work on the lines.

I'll be sure to keep up the work :)

User avatar
OliveDreams
Review

Hello! Me again :) I've been interested, as you know, to read this for a long time! I'll write my review as I go so you get it step by step as I go along. I tend to ramble about nothing otherwise.

I love the way you have given the Mind Shard a nickname! It helps the reader to give it a separate personality to the one of your main character. I also have a soft spot for the word 'Doppelganger' as I am obsessed with the Vampire Diaries :)

I think that you could make it a little clearer to the reader when it's your main characters own thoughts set apart from when it's the mind shards? As you've got them both in Italic's, it makes a little confusing to set them apart. Maybe you could have one of them in bold as well as italics?

Even though I think your writing is highly amusing, where you write, "“Will come up with a better name later.” - I think it should be "We'll come up with a better name later."

I like the way that you first refer to his opponent as just 'her'. It makes me excited and intrigued about who this character could be. & I'm also glad that you have given your main character a really original name. Props to you!

Haha I love the line, "Boys and girls mingled, although their reasons were different."

Overall - I think this is a really interesting idea and I like the relationships that you've created between your characters already. I can't wait for you to answer some of the questions I have in later chapters such as, Why does this mind shard exist? Does everyone have one? How different is it from the person it's inside?
I'm excited to read what happens next as I skip on happily over the chapter 2 :) SEE YOU SOON!

Olive <3

GLad you liked it :)
As for the "Will come up with a better name later", that is DG talking and saying "Will" instead of "I will". Therefore it is actually not a mistake: it's intentional :)

as for your suggestion about italic and bold, I'll probably do things this way now, since it would actually be clearer to separate those two indeed.

Stay tuned then, your questions will certainly be answered in the next chapter.
Thanks for this review :D

~Shell Master Tortwag~

User avatar
OMGhamsterdweeb
Comment

Woah, dude, this is really good.
If you continued the story and made it into a book, I'd read it, definitely!
It sounds like a fantasy/teenage book, which would be a good read for boys and girls alike.
Keep up the good work, and good luck!

OMGhamsterdweeb

Hehe, thanks and glad you enjoyed it :)
Defiitly continuing it! Chapter 2 is already online anyway, and working on the next part.

Thanks you, I'll keep writing as much as I can :)

User avatar
Searria H.
Review

Hey, Torty! Sea finally here as promised. :)

You have a solid start to the story. I appreciate all of the little hints you've given us throughout the chapter without giving us full explanations detailed information right off the bat. It keeps my interest in the story. :) Your characters are very distinct, and I like that the main character isn't totally like-able. Protagonists without flaws are just annoying. ;) Gryph has already pointed out most of the more picky issues I had, so I'll try to give you some more general impressions.

At a first glance, this piece is extremely dialogue-heavy with very little narration in between. This isn't necessarily bad, but I did find myself reading a lot faster (almost skimming) through some things than I usually would. This is especially true because the dialogue is so short. So looking at the page, I see a lot of really skinny paragraphs. I commend you for establishing your characters and situation in such few words, but I would suggest adding more description to give your reader something to grasp as they try to enter your world.

Dialogue
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that this is an aspect of your characterization, but your dialogue seems a little unnatural. It's almost like your characters have carefully thought out everything they might say, considering every possible response from the other person. It all just feels very stiff. But again, that may be a matter of how characters in this world talk. However, if that was not your intention, I would suggest studying conversations around you and how people communicate.

The Little Message After the Fact
Your piece should be able to stand on its own. You can't always be around to explain what you've written to your reader. You must write in such a way that your intentions are clear to the reader. For example, if you feel like the reader may not be able to tell Dyrow's and Doppleganger's dialogue apart, you need to change something in your writing. You could do this visually, by only putting one of them in italics (in which case I would probably put Doppleganger's comments in italics), but then you run into issues with determining whether or not Dyrow's dialogue is spoken or thought. I suppose you could use single quotation marks for thoughts and double for spoken dialogue, but that's a little unconventional. Therefore, I return back to my previous comment about narration. Dialogue tags can be very important. They aren't necessary on every single line of dialogue, but if you have two characters and one randomly starts speaking, telling your reader who the first speaker is with a tag will allow them to determine who is saying what.

Quotation Punctuation
I noticed this a few times throughout the piece, but they may be simple typos. Just in case, the punctuation mark always goes inside the closing quotation marks, and every piece of dialogue needs some sort of closing punctuation mark, even if it has a tag.

That's pretty much all I have as far as critiques go. You have a little editing to do, but I think it's a great start! I like the snarky characters and the consistency of the narrator's voice. As always, please let me know if you have any question or comments about this review. I'd be happy to clear anything up. Good luck, and happy writing!
-Sea-

Hey Sea, glad you finally made that review!

First off I'm really glad you enjoyed this piece of writting, because that was the main point and problably the point of all the writters: make a reader enjoy (or at least get interested) in what you've wrote. So thans :)


Yes indeed, this is the second time the "not enough explanations" part have been mentioned to me, and I've somehow managed to fix that in the second chapter (which is already uploaded by hte way).
This chapter was more focused on Dyrow's personality and how his "mind shard" works.

Also, the reaon why Dyrow seem to have planned everything about his conversation against Crystial... Well, it's because it's actually the case XD this was intentional, and the reason is explained next chapter ;)

As for the message after fact part, I'll think about what you said and work on this part.

Well, for the rest, Gryphon pretty much said similar things to me and I'm glad most of my mistakes can be seen and corrected: I'll keep working on it!


~Shell Master Tortwag~

fictional circle in the air.

I get what you're going for here, but 'fictional' just seems an odd word choice. 'Imaginary' instead, maybe?

I nicknamed it DG by the way.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the 'by the way'. It sounds nitpicky to point out, but it just feels a bit forced. How is this story being told? Is the MC actually telling it to someone? Thinking it out in their head? If the former, maybe it makes a little more sense, but why not have told it to them earlier? Why the long delay in the introduction? Why not just immediately tell us when the mind shard is first shown?

an etonnant accuracy

Okay, so I actually had to look up 'etonnant' and as far as I can tell, it's French for 'surprising' or 'amazing'? Why not use those words instead? Yes, the word is beautiful and it does fit in the sentence, but why not use a more commonly understood (or, y'know, English) word? If there were more instances of words like this throughout the piece, it could be a stylistic or world-building thing, but here, it just seems needlessly complicated. Yes, beautiful writing is awesome, but sometimes it's better to just stick with sweet and simple. There are many other English synonyms that would get the point across just as well or better and be just as beautiful.

On the good side, my dark skin allowed my dramatic mimics to be more effective against people.

So how does the dark skin affect one's abilities? Is it some kind of inherent racial talent? Where does the MC hail from that he has these abilities? I just want some more explanation of this. Why would dark skin indicate a demon? Is that the way it works in this world? Or is everyone just super racist like that? This smacks of interesting worldbuilding, and I just want to see more of it so that I can get into this a bit more.

I always wondered how they came up with that name, too. There might be an explanation behind it.

This seems a strange aside. Places usually have reasons behind their naming, so why wonder about it right now? Does 'Scarfi' mean something significant that the MC is aware of? Is this going to be important later? If so, why not wait until then to talk about the significance of the name. If it isn't, then why bring it up at all?

"Best. Intro. Ever."

And that was when I really appreciated DG's presence in my mind.

I like this relationship between them. I'm a bit confused as to how separate DG is from Dyrow, but I like how he's basically a bro backing up his bro and supporting him. Is he a critical part of Dyrow, or sort of an Id/Ego type relationship? How similar are they? Again, I just want a little more explanation.

For instance, how long has DG been in Dyrow's mind? Because the second sentence there indicates that Dyrow hadn't really appreciated him up until now and if he'd been there for any length of time, I imagine he would have done something worth appreciating him for before now. Because all he did here was offer a little moral support. He hasn't done that before?

Does anyone else know about him? Is this something only Dyrow has? Is it linked to his dark skin? Is it something that happened to him in class? Or is this a secret? These are questions that you don't have to answer immediately, but hinting at them would be nice. Again, it helps build the world the reader has to be living in for this story.

a real interested.

interest

That last cathegory

category

I already told you: there's nothing magic in there."

Wait, there's nothing magic in a stone that can carry objects within it and summon them at will? So how is it working?

Again, world building. We have no idea how any of this works. We've been thrown into action. This is fine, it gets us introduced to the characters and some of how they work, but we don't know what this place is, we don't really know why they're fighting beyond some kind of brawling exercise. Are they training for something? A war? The military? Is this expected of them as some kind of service, or is it like fencing classes or martial arts, just kind of a hobby? Can anyone do this, or are only the select few able to do anything like this? How does this magic system work?

More things that can be introduced later, but we could use some prepping on now. We get that it's a word-based system, but there also is a mental part of it? Being thrown into the action immediately, especially action that isn't necessarily threatening or game-changing (beyond some character motivations, etc.), can sometimes just leave us a little lost. I'm barely sure about Dyrow and DG's relationship, and now I also have to be keeping track of a fight, with names and rivalries and entirely new systems of magic. There's just a lot going on right now and I'm not sure what to make of it all.

That said, I liked the attitude here. I liked Dyrow and DG's interaction, with the carefully constructed spectacle and sarcastic quips back and forth. I'm very intrigued by your magic system and interested in what's going on here. I'm just not very clear on any of it. It's all going by so fast and I'm not being given any time to absorb it. It may very well slow down and get more in-depth later (I realize I'm only looking at one very small part of a much bigger project), but this is my introduction. This is my first impression. And there are a lot of questions I'm asking that have to be kept in mind and answered somewhere down the line.

Hope this was at least somewhat helpful. I do think this can be really, really awesome and I want to see where you go with it. Drop me a line if you have any comments or questions, or if you want me to look at more chapters!

~Gryph

Rough, direct and detailed. I like this review :) Definitly helpful.

"I get what you're going for here, but 'fictional' just seems an odd word choice. 'Imaginary' instead, maybe? "
That's part of Dyrow's personality. Most of the time, both during narration and dialogues, Dyrow will have an odd way to talk, combining sofisticated words with simple language. He is weird, and I wanted the reader to feel it.

For the "etonnant" word, I fixed that. I wanted to say remarkable, but since I'm French and I tend to think in French when writting... Boom, mistake. And even after reading it again 4 times, it sounded perfectly normal to me. Sorry for that.

For the explanation of the Scafi corner's name, that's actually a random thought from Dyrow, nothing really important, at least from what I've planned.

For the dark skin part: "This was the downside of having a dark skin: it was always necessary to prove to the others that you were not a demon by nature."
That was actually a hint. By that I meant to say that beeing dark skinned in this world is synonyme to "being a demon". That's a kind of irrational fear that people have. And Dyrow tends to uses this fear to his advantage: it helps his dramatic mimics to work because when he wants to scare people, it works better because of that irrational fear.

Should've say this earlier apparently. You ask very interesting questions you know!

"I like this relationship between them. " I'm glad to hear that. This aspect was the hardest for me to develop, since it is between narration and dialogue. sounds like it works!


"I'm a bit confused as to how separate DG is from Dyrow, but I like how he's basically a bro backing up his bro and supporting him. Is he a critical part of Dyrow, or sort of an Id/Ego type relationship? How similar are they? Again, I just want a little more explanation. "
Oh don't worry: you will have an explanation. For this first chapter I actually didn't watned to develop too much, but apparently I haven't enough explanations for my world's development. I'll have to work on that.

However I can already tell you that no, no one knows about DG, for the simple reason that those dialogues happend only in Dyrow's mind. And nobody but Dyrow have access to it.
"Or is this a secret? " Yes it is.

As for my gramatical mistakes... Oh DANG IT, I HAVE to get myself a spell checker, re-reading again is very good for me because it helps me to reconstruct some parts, but it's not enough. dang...

"Wait, there's nothing magic in a stone that can carry objects within it and summon them at will? So how is it working?

Again, world building."
Yes exactly. Those "not magic" sentences Dyrow uses (he said that 2 time so far) are hints too.
Let us say that in this world, Oryktia is a kind of "science". Yes you can summon weapons using incantations, but it's not like it was from thin air. You need artefacts (the Stones) in order to do it, and there are some aspects that differs from the idea of what "magic" is.
I can't say anything else though. Dyrow and DG will answer your other questions ;)

"There's just a lot going on right now and I'm not sure what to make of it all. " I won't forget that.
" It's all going by so fast and I'm not being given any time to absorb it."
Same goes for this. Important sentence, I'll have to better the next chapter even more. I'm definitly learning many things about writting in this place O.O


Welp, at least you've got into the story, and somehow managed to enjoy it. I hope it wasn't disappointing and interesting enough. I now may thank you very much for this detailed review of yours, that IS helful to me :)


~Shell Master Tortwag~



We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind