This is a found poem. Basically I took a bunch of sentences/words/phrases etc from different sources and pieced them together. (Brownie points if you know where I got the title from :)) Some of it is my own words, too. It was a poem I had to write for my creative writing class and it was actually a lot of fun to write! So let me know what you think, especially the very last line because I'm not sure whether it sounds too cliche or whether it wraps up the story nicely. Thanks!
DON’T PANIC
in the grand scheme of things,
if there’s grit in your brain
it’s best not to rub it.
-
I haven’t come far enough
to leave the solar system entirely.
a very rich man would go to Mars,
but I’ll settle for Titan.
-
I took the graveyard shift
where all that’s left
is your brain talking to itself.
-
‘look, kid,’ it said.
‘there are no true beginnings or endings.’
which is kind of insane
and kind of irrelevant.
-
despite its faults,
my brain, I decided,
was not the worst place in the world to be.
-
my hair never did grow back properly
above my right ear.
I guess 28 nuns can be wrong.
-
they found iridium-193 in my head
just ten days previously,
but that’s only a fraction of the story.
-
without the brain
we could rip through human flesh.
-
a term comes to mind.
it’s nasty.
post-traumatic stress disorder.
I haven’t stopped bleeding.
-
and that’s where you met me.
in a kind of shadowy parallel universe
just beyond the frigid methane lakes of Titan.
-
it was nothing short of a miracle.
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Canary word: Present
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QuietQuilla desu!
Okay, it's gonna take me a while to understand this, but I love it.
I love the way the sentences do sort-of make sense together and smashed well. The interpretation can be a little daunting, but I feel it can be understood.
The title in comparison with the fact it's about the inefficiencies of a brain fits.
It's just awesome!
I really like the idea of it! Like Birkhoff said it is a little hard to interpret but I think that just makes the poem better. The fact that its kind of confusing at times kept my brain going and I automatically wanted to read more. Oh and like the title by the way. c:
Thanks!
Hey Confetti!
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
That is all.
Okay, I also really like the idea behind poems like this. But they are so hard to intrepid, so maybe use famous lines?
Politics, historical lines, movies quotes. Even if the reader doesn't know where its from, you can tell that its a quote from a politician, a line from a movie and so on.
Reading this, I couldn't really imagine where the induvidual lines could have originated. Except of course from the Douglas Adams reference, which sort of sidetracked me on things to look for in the poem.
Cheers
Birkhoff
I think I like that it's hard to interpret. Where the lines come from isn't really the point of the poem, but thanks for the suggestions!
I don't think that the ending is too cliché. It's actually a pretty good way to wrap this up.
I really don't know what to say about this other than:
This is a total epic mash up of random sentence segments that seemingly have nothing to do with each other until you put them into a specific order and they all fit like pieces of a really weird puzzle.
This is really, really, weird. But it's awesome because it's weird.
I just have one suggestion, and you can totally ignore this if you don't like to use grammar in poetry. I understand if it's not your style.
But since you split this up into sentences, you might want to consider using proper capitalization where they are concerned. But again, you don't want to do this, that's fine. You are the Supreme Commander here. I am merely the Operations Advisor.
KT
I think I might take out the last line when I hand it in just because my teacher is SO anal about anything remotely cliche, but I'm going to keep it in my own version of the poem. As for the capitalization - I honestly just like the look of it when it's lowercase. Just a personal style choice I guess! Thanks for the review
Hi there, I am impressed with a poem that have a deep thought as you do in the poem. It was so enthralling to think well read with admiration. Tone of voice unpretentious but still looks convincing to me.
I see it as an irony. Can be understood from various point of view about the value of lost humanity, in killing others. I noticed it more on an ideological / your own ideas. You try to convey your views on the various vagaries of human life and how your own life affected.
I take the time to understand the role / impact of the Titans in poem. What exactly is the purpose of the Titan? So I guess, you talking about satellite on Saturn. Nothing much to say, I like the strong diction you use here. Some parts may be tricky here. I think the science fiction of the outer space to escape from it. Like I said, I love the unusual ideas you bring here. Keep it up!
Kudos, cheers
Thanks for the review!