Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
It's been 349 days since you've gone
I've waited for it to get better
But it's not.
...
As I reminisce all that goes with your name
You would kill for me and know
that I'd do the same.
...
Take me to the park
Where we shared our first kiss
And I suddenly felt hopeful
That I'd rescue you from your mess.
...
In all that was red
I melted into your blue
We became one
And you let me forget the torture in you.
...
I had nurtured you
But you'd nurtured me more
In the depth of your heart
I found solace to the core.
...
Your sorrows were hidden
In the presence of my tears
But your arms grew weak
Despite that I was near.
...
You had secret demons
Stronger than the power of friends
For you hid from me very well
Until the very end.
...
And now I have the agony
In my selfishness and regret
I couldn't catch you in the puddle
you lay in yourself.
...
And I remember your blue eyes
And the first time I saw your scars
You thought it was art
I though you'd gone too far.
...
I remember that time
when your body collapsed into mine
I realize now
the weight was too much to hide.
...
But you had been everything
While I am nothing
In my failure
to hold up on my own,
I let you carry alone.
...
And now I am the carrier
Of your sorrow and mine
The promises we kept
Prominent in my mind.
...
The silver blade is the only shining article
In the depth of shadows you left,
And I hold on to the invisible imprint
Of your shaking hand on my leg.
...
It's been too long
and it only gets darker
In my mind,
things only get harder.
...
I give out a heart jarring sob
As I make contact with my wrists
You killed for me and I'll do the same
You killed, and I will kill
Our hearts become lame.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
I really liked the poem. Happy review day, for starters. I loved your poem so so much. It is one of my favorite poems. I could feel so much emotion, it was unreal. I could almost hear the teardrops hitting the keyboard while typing this. I loved it! The entire poem was like a chain reaction and it caused me to want to continue to read it. Overall I agree with every one below and good job! Happy review day and keep writing!
-molly
I really love this poem, and it really hit me hard in the heart. There are a few typos, but I'm sure they're not deliberate mistakes
Your poem actually brought tears to my eyes, it really hits the reader hard (well, me at least) and really makes you feel sorry for the speaker as, from what I can gather, they are in, or was, in a relationship with a suicidal, self harming; or possible both partner, and this fact is also hurting for them.
Overall, I thought this was a very emotional and inspiring. I really enjoyed reading it
keep up the good work!
0rki3
Thank you. This is a comment for everyone who reads this: I was just wondering if anyone got how in the last stanza, I meant for the character to turn the blade on herself/commit suicide because of the depression? Wasn't sure if this was clearly portrayed or not. Let me know, thanks!
I got that. Nice work
Thank you!
no problem, good work
alrighty, t'is time for a review
First off, i love this poem, and can really relate to it. To me, it seems to be that the speaker either is, or was, in a relationship with someone who was either suicidal, cut themselves, or both. I've been there, and i know the pain that comes with seeing what they've done to themselves, even though they call it art, and say it's fine. Then it seems the speaker had been unable to save the person they loved, and had lost them to suicide. That has nearly happened, and i thought it was my fault for not being there when it happened.
I believe that "yur" should be a "your"
You forgot a t on the end of t
That last line seems a little off, i think that perhaps
"And now I have the agony
In my selfishness and regret
I couldn't catch you in the puddle
you lay in yourself" would appear a little less awkward, but i could also be missing something.
Overall, a great poem, well written, and extremely powerful! Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the review! Yes those are a few typos, I'll be fixing them after I start to procrastinate during one of my study sessions! Thanks again!
Ahh, the the Art of Procrastination :p
YWS KEEPS CHANGING MY FORMATTING!
There are supposed to be spaces after every period in order to divide it into stanzas. Anyone know how to fix this??
Intelligently Stupid to the rescue!!!!!!! Fight
check that poem out (mine :3 )
if you like the format, here's how you do it.
1. go into edit mode.
2. there will be a button, second from the right in the editing toolbar, should look like 3 decreasing lines.
3. click it, then select centre text.
4. divide all the stanza's with a line like this: * * *
make sure there are no spaces extra after each set of asterisks
I did do that, and it seems to be a solution. Although, I'd prefer the text to not be in the center. Oh well, thank you for your help!
No problem. You could do it without centring, you;d simply have to find a different form of separating it