I was,
A crimson cape
Violet, suede curtains
Shadows upon a white wall
The typical red brick wall
with tangled vines of ivy.
...
You were,
The hand to lift the cape.
The ropes to pull the curtains open.
The Sun that erased the Shadows.
The bulldozer that broke that wall
And gentle clippers that turned disorder into beauty.
...
You had,
Uncovered the hidden
Given a stage and attention,
Light to something dim.
Proven you cared,
Made the beautiful extraordinary.
...
You left,
The cape turned into a suit of armor,
The curtains closed forever,
The room became solidified in darkness,
The wall rebuilt, now higher,
and the ivy became weeds,
that withered on the infinitely barren ground.
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Hey there SPeakerskat here to review for you!
haha). I also really liked the last "stanza" ( cause they arn't really "stanzas") where you described how hard she feel after he left her and all that imagrey was BEAUTIFUL! It was very strong and well formatted, I don't really see why you call it a raw poem, but I suppose you could make the transitions a little smoother so it flowed more easily. However, I felt that the flow sort of added to the dramatic air of the poem but that's entierly up to you. I also liked how the writing was sort of very gentle at first and barley hinting at what might happen ( like you sort of get the suspicion that something is going to happen, you just don't know what) and then you come down full force with the pain of this girls sudden reality. Heart break hurts badly and you captured that well. But, one other thing that you might have been able to improve on, the last line. Wouldn't it be better if you said something like the weeds were growing with vehmence but flowers withered to the barren ground? Something like that... because weeds naturally thrive in harsh conditions . But I can also see how you could have been making a point, like it was so harsh and so barren that even weeds couldn't survive. Thats really good , better then my suggestion. So that's about it for this review,and there really isn't anything I could see that you might need to revise.
)
Okay just saying, I wrote this after I read thew second line. I LOVE THE SECOND LINE!!!!!
Now for the real review. I loved your imagrey and comparison throughout, it allowed your message to be conveyed very well ( I always struggle with imagrey in my poems, whats your secret
Nice job and keep it up, I look foward to reading and reviewing more of your work ( feel free to review mine as well
~Kit
I love how the poem use everyday life as an example. Makes me feel like I want to take my curtain right now and use it as a cape! Really catch my attention
~! This poem also makes me remember my old past when I am still a playful child running about 
Lovely lines to my opinion were
"A Crimson Cape
Violet, Suede Curtains"
Using alliteration! while using an everyday life element! Great!
The kid feel towards the poem really shake me as a reader,
"The Sun that erase the Shadows"
This really gives the feel of reality.
Everything else really moved me, like when you mention about the curtains turns into a suit of armor brings me back to my old days.
Thank you! It's interesting that you got an innocent child feeling from this. That was the farthest from what I was thinking, but it's your job to interpret it! Thanks for the review!!
I found that this poem was a little hard for me to read as it brought back so many memories of a love one I lost. I could feel the amount of emotion that was put into this poem.
My favourite lines were
I always loved to see techniques like alliteration being used. Well done.
However, I found that these lines:
Where the most powerful and had me chocking up a little bit I'll admit.
The imagery you used was also very nice and while the poem was awfully sad at the same time it felt rather sweet.
Well done!
Wow thank you so much! Your opinion really means much to me, as I see how much of an active member you are on YWS. I've found your writing to be amazing as well! Thank you!!!