Young Writers Society

Hello there.

When I first looked at this poem I was drawn to it, the way it is structured makes it look well thought out and just generally attractive. Good appearance is something that is necessary for a poem and you did it very well.
In the first stanza we see that the persona is personifying a book by saying that the book and it are connected through a 'friendship'. This technique helps us connect with the persona and read on.
The second stanza describes the subject as a gateway between two worlds; fantasy and reality. This is the part where - I think - that many relate to this poem. Whether you're into writing, reading or drawing, many of us know this 'gateway' that the persona speaks of. It shows others that they aren't alone in loving fantasy so much that their mind has to create a borderline in order to stop us getting sucked too far into this fantasy world that we end up despising or forgetting about reality. Although this stanza only lasts four lines, it can go much deeper and the point can last for so much longer in the minds of some.
The third stanza says that the persona hears a voice that isn't real, which I believe many hear when they get so engrossed and a book. Although something I would say would be that if the writer left out the 'and' in line four, it would look and sound a lot better.
The fourth and fifth is where the persona's point comes across, in what would be the heartfelt speech at the end of a movie. The one everyone agrees with and makes them see the light at the end.
The last line of the poem is a separate stanza, even though it's only one line, which asks the question that everyone has asked at one point in their lives. Yet the question changes the mood of the poem quite a bit after realising that despite everyone asking the same question, none has ever received an answer.
All in all I like this poem, it is attractive and relatable to all. Well done.

Aww. This makes me sad. Because I wish all of my friends could be considered good friends by other people. I don't know why they aren't. They speak to all of us on such a personal level. And other people don't always see that. I love it.

I love this poem. It's so good. All the way around. I like the commas. I have a problem with putting commas after every single line if no other puctuation fits. There should be a pause between the next line and I feel like a comma conveys that. If there isn't a comma there, then you think it should run into the next line. I like it, so I think you should keep it.

I love all of this. The entire idea and everything about it. Keep up the good writing.

Hello, emjay here I read your poem and I like the theme a lot!
However, I do have a few suggestions to improve the structure of your piece:
~I agree with the other reviewers below; you have an excessive amount of commas present in your poem and as I read it it disrupts the flow of your words. Some of the commas can stay, but you should look and see which commas could be removed.
For example:
"I feel so connected,
through our small friendship."

In the lines above I truly feel that the comma is unnecessary. It would read better without it. There are several other instances like this.
Also, there is another line that I personally believe would sound better if it were slightly altered:
"but there is no sound,
and only an inner voice."
I would remove "and" in the second line and keep the comma.
Other than those suggestions I think this is a good poem

Ahoy captain! Happy review day.

One of my nitpicks has already been pointed out by niteowl! Why the excessive commas? It truly does make everything choppy; once that could be overlooked, but not quite. I don't like them! And they aren't grammatically correct, as she stated. Perhaps taking a look here might help? I hope so and I hope to see improvement!

My other nitpick is that last sentence. Ew, bold. Never use bold to emphasize! That's what italics are for. The bold is offsetting, throws the reader out of the loop, and it's just ugly, really. I suggest you swap it for italics.

Overall, nice work! I enjoyed it very much. I think you could use more imagery (since all good poems need a big dose of imagery), but other than that, it was a pleasure to read!

~Iggy

Knight Dragon, here to bestow the first review of my second Review Day.

Technical:

"I feel so connected,
through our small friendship."

"one in fantasy,
and the other in reality."

"but there is no sound,
and only an inner voice."

"Humankind has separated us,
from being known as the same."

"One that you can’t let pass."

Well hi there teammate! Lucky you, you get my 750th review! Don't you feel special?

Anyway, I think this could be a great idea, but I'm confused as to what you mean by this. At first, I thought we might be talking about a literal book, but then I think you're talking about someone you know only from a distance, which makes sense with the book metaphor but feels odd.

I would use more details to make your meaning more apparent. Like if you're talking about a person, what sort of things do you "read" (their facial features, clothing, their mannerisms, etc.)? What do you mean by the "Humankind has separated us" line? I imagine there's something like different cultures, languages, social status that makes the friendship more difficult. That might be cool to explore in more detail instead of such a broad statement.

On a more technical note, I think you have a decent rhythm going in the beginning, but I don't understand all the commas. They're not grammatically correct and make everything a bit choppy.

Overall, I do think this is an interesting idea, but I'd like to have a better grasp on the story here (pun totally intended).

Have an awesome Review Day filled with Schadenfreude and Fahrvergnugen! And as always, Keep writing!