Warning: This is a very badly written, random haiku. I don't know anything about poetry. I borrowed a book with a bunch of haikus and I thought I'd try it out...
Books falling
angels gliding
I am swept away.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,660 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
I don't think it's as bad as you say. You're far too hard on yourself. Recently I have been getting into haikus so I'm not very good at review them but I shall try my best.
I felt a slight contrast within the middle and last line. As if being swept away was a bad thing yet the word angels suggested other wise. Of course I do understand that it isn't what you were going for but the first time I read it that was what I felt.
After reading over it a few times I started to grasp the subject matter more - I think the reason it took me so long is because I have currently been void of sleep, hahha.
I've always admired those who write haikus as they seem to be very difficult to write and your poem was in fact written rather well. I can't say very much that hasn't already been said. I did enjoy this poem but felt it was a little bit lacking in emotion which is understandable since it is so short. Great job, keep it up!
The Messenger Knight here to review on a wonderful review day, full of wonderful reviews.
So, what have we got here? Oh, a haiku? I like those!
Anyway . . . so obviously punctuation-wise you couldn't really go wrong here. And also, this carries a lot of power in it like haiku are supposed to have. I can think of lots of different ways of taking this haiku, which is another thing I like about it. There are tons of different meanings to this. This could mean I am swept away in a book where angels are gliding. Or it could mean you are swept away as you see angels gliding and books falling. You get the idea. Good job.
Keep it up!
Hello emjayc! Guess who it is? It's me! Squire Yubbies reporting for duty!
I like it. I really do. It's simplistic and meaning full, all in a few short words. It has beauty and a true meaning hidden inside, yet it is worded so simply that anyone can understand.
Your syllable count is wrong though. Traditional Haiku's are meant to have 5 syllables in the first line, seven in the second, and 5 in the third. While modern day Haiku's have bent the rules slightly to allow a few more of less syllables, I believe that following the proper format would improve this. Currently, your poem has a 3-4-5 syllable count.
This is an excellent poem! Keep Writing!
yubbies21
Hello and thank you for the review! In the haiku book I have most of the haikus do not follow the traditional format, so it was just an experimentation ^^
Hola emjayc!
). The biggest problem right now is that your syllable count is off, I think. It should be 5-7-5 but at the moment you have 3-4-5.
Welcome to the beautiful world of the haiku! I hazard to point out that this isn't quite a haiku but more of a senryu (I do this before @Karzkin can come in and harass you
Unless you're doing a particular kind of haiku form that I've never heard of, you'll have to alter those lines to make it a proper format. Of course, the difficulty in haiku is more the short form. Being able to tell a story in the shortest amount of words you can imagine is super difficult, so it's something of a great coup to be able to write a really solid haiku. Try counting out your syllables out loud (I seriously count them on my fingers as I say them out) and writing about nature - that will cover the haiku really nicely.
I do like that you're talking about books and the idea of the stories and knowledge being a kind of divine intervention into the narrator's life! That's a really nice idea and I think it is particularly apt considering this website! You'll find so many people here who agree with that sentiment tenfold.
Good luck with your poetry experimentation! Feel free to hit me up with questions, queries or if you just want to chat.
-Penguin.