It's agony.
Being without you.
The pangs,
constant yearning:
they wrench my
Heart.
How long?
must I wait.
contained within this
House of Rejection.
Longing. Envisioning.
You console me,
tell me: One Day
you'll grow Wings.
That you will
soar Above and
whisk me away...
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi emjayc Dream here with review on your poem. First of all, Happy Review Day!. Reply on the A/N, I love grammar but she always tear me down! Straight to the point here, well, I like the way you put the title name in Spanish. So I am not gonna comment any on grammar, let the pro do that part. Talking about the ideas, I like how to present the ideas in simplest way, without hiding. You deliver it directly to the reader.
Lovely personification but already become a Cliché.
The punctuation is not suitable. Try this, ‘How long, must I wait?’
I totally like the end of the poem. It has a great imagery with the use of Irony( a situation in which thing is said but another is actually meant. Of course we can’t have a wings but the wings define something else other than reality.
Overall, I like your writing styles here. It is simple and easy to understand even though the diction can be improve a bit more.
Keep it up. Kudos, cheers.
What I like:
1)The idea or the message it gives to the message it gives to the people.
2) it relates to people, many people miss the ones they love. They can be far or close and it reminds me of my relationship because he's far away from me and I miss him dearly only being able to see him once.
What I don't like:
1) Line 3; I think pangs should be pains.
2) Line 5; to make it flow better I think it should be that instead of they. Your flow is good but make sure that they aren't choppy in certain lines or maybe it could sound better if you change a few words slightly so make sure to look for that.
Good luck, keep writing, and keep smiling. Works blossom into great things like a flower I'm glad to have read your new little flower, have fun!
What a beautiful poem! I will ignore your grammar because you asked to, so instead I will focus on vocabulary, meaning and the flow ect.
First off: Vocabulary
Your word ooze emotions. I can feel the longing and ache behind them, and this makes it all the better. When emotions by the reader are felt, you know you did good.
This stanza is where the vocabulary used is most powerful. I love the phrase "House of Rejection", you can just hear the bitterness behind it.
Next: Meaning
This poem's meaning, to me, is perhaps a longing lover, yearning for their partner to return to them. If this is the meaning, that means you have portrayed it clearly. If not, then that is a point of improvement for you.
And now: Flow
This perhaps the downside of the poem. To me, it just seems choppy and broken. Maybe it's the lines, or the actual way you have put the words. The last stanza is where this is most evident.
If you said this aloud, you'll probably see what I mean. I would change it to this, but it's your choice.
Apart from this, overall, I think this is a very good poem and I look forward to reading more!