this room is awkward
it smells like fraud
there are books on the shelves
that sit and rot
like soggy rope
Underneath the sea
without hope
there is a door
it is metal
the wall is a tacky blue
that screams "burn me!"
to the tune of a kazoo
i do not
Want to be here.
the freaky excuses for
Books. Stare at me.
like fish with
Oval eyes
the ceiling is high
and windows minimize.
they are massive mirrors that reflect
the outside
but I am trapped here
Lies.
green giant pencil
the one connor ignored
rejected, it sits silently moaning out
what an object deplored!
in a chair,
i am in a chair.
it is wooden
and matches all the other seats
but I sit in it now
so it will one day be rare
bless this wooden piece
Of furniture.
"Zigzag."
says the book
"Purple, I am purple"
if you open me,
wrench my cover off,
you will regret it
because it makes me cough
the author stunk
of moribund fish scales
scintillating in the sun
i have nothing to say
about the metallic outlet, a hole in the wall
that makes
my skin crawl
with an sensation of.
intense boredom
that eats me alive.
you cannot
possibly imagine
the eerie, poignant,
Buoyant.
sound this mouse makes
alas, this dreary ambience
has taken its toll.
Even on the computer mouse
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
the Messenger Knight here to review for KotGr. Happy review day!
Oh boy, this really threw me off. In fact a lot of it did. I just felt like I couldn't stay on track of the rhyming. It was here and then their. That's how I felt. I just couldn't stay with this poem. I was drifting off halfway through, and I noticed you missed capitalizing 'i' once. That needs fixing. Also, Connor isn't capitalized, whoever he is.
Now, on the good side, I liked how you wrote this. I know this may seem like a harsh review but pleas take as my opinion. I may be the only one who feels like this.
I understand completely. I wrote it for creative writing class and it had a very specific context, so that's why you might not be able to follow a lot of it. And all the grammatical errors were on purpose because I was copying the style of ee cummings.
Knight Dragon, here to review!
First off, let me say that the first thing that caught my eye was the title. I love word-surfing through my dictionaries, and ennui was one I stumbled across not that long ago. Also, you wrote this when you were bored. My story the Kingdom of Boredom has similar origins.
Now, to get off the "Oh look someone else went through that!" excitement and to the actual review.
The first thing that stuck out to me was this:
Who is connor? That's just kind of thrown in there, with no explanation. Is that an author? Someone you know? The narrator? I was reading along and then "Oh, I have a name. Wait...who's name is this?" And then the poem never explains it. That's really distracting.
In the next three stanzas, the jumping in PoV is a little irritating. Tolerable between the first two of that trio, but annoying by the third. That may just be a style thing though.
Hope that helps!
Hi and thank you for the review! I wrote this poem for an assignment in my creative writing class so that's why there are references that don't make sense unless you have the context. There was a giant green pencil in the library and a guy named Connor stole it, so hopefully that will help you understand what I was talking about,