Young Writers Society

Sphealwithit here, good morning

This is a good poem. A few grammatical errors here and there, that a simple re-read could fix.
The use of 'I' gives the poem an air of mystery. Which is good. This poem can be taken in alot of ways but from where i'm coming from is that people don't forgive when a mistake is made and it wears you down, you feel guilt and you don't know why people won't forgive you because in your eyes you've done nothing wrong.

Keep up the good work.

Sphealwithit out..

Hey! Happy review day! I decided id go ahead and check out this poem. First of all, there were a lot of things I liked about this work. I like the premise of a hidden identity that most ppl don't often see unless thy take a closer look at the narrator. The ending is a nice twist, as throughout the poem, I interpreted it as the narrators tricks that were being played on the ppl this is directed towards, when in reality, it is they who play the tricks on the narrator. This made me think of the way that ppl might judge someone negatively and think that they can take advantage of them, yet the person they seek to take advantage of is fully aware of this and can, in fact, use this to their own advantage. I'm probably overananlyzing this one, but all of the thoughts this conjures up are very interesting. I like poems I've got to think about, so great job if that's what u were going for with the idea side of things.

However, the technical aspects of this poem were a little off. I really am more of an idea guy myself (any of my works would be evidence of that ) and I sometimes let the technical stuff slip away too. It seems like some of your lines sound a bit awkward or off of rhythm when read together. There were a few times when I actually had to stop reading and go back to the previous line. Don't get me wrong, I still like this a lot, and if u intended for the rhythms to be stagnant, u r truly ingenious, but if not, I'd consider implementing some more euphony here. Other than that, awesome job! And once again, happy review day!!!

-GL24

Knight Malachi with the Knights of the Green Room here to review for you.
So I had to re-read this poem to get it. But don't take that as a bad thing. The first time was a pretty fast read without paying too much attention to the words. The second time however it made clear sense, and I was impressed with the poem, a lot.
You did a really good job of showing how the Main Character is plotting revenge, and how they are so . . . sneaky? Anyway, Dragon pointed out the grammar porblems as well as any other stuff, so I won't re-mention those things. I hope this review helps and encourages you.
Keep it up!

Knight Dragon, here to review!

Technical:
"Each ounce, hauling me down, wearing me thin." I felt like that first comma was unnecessary, and broke the reading flow where it shouldn't have been broken.

"A mistake made, is a mistake remembered." Same here. Get rid of the comma. It flows a lot more smoothly that way.

"No one bothers, to see that I've surrendered." Same issue here as well.

"They leave me behind, because I'm too much of a drag." This one is a style choice. I wouldn't have put one here, but it's totally up to you.

Otherwise you did a good job of capturing the main character's obscurity and plotting for vengeance.

Hope this helps!