Young Writers Society

Hey! CTW!! (IS FINALLY READING YOUR POEM)

Than those of a stereotyped teen.

changing the world

Oceans only get made by small drops,
And they add up, it’s just that simple.

Hi there.
Ariana with your review, as you requested. So to start off, I really enjoyed reading this. This was a pleasure to read. Very positive, uplifting and sincere. My favorite part was definitely the beginning. You just have this positive air about this. From the very beginning, you intrigued me by saying "my brain is connected to my heart". It was a very interesting line and the lines from there on seemed to really flow. So well done, my dear. This was again, a pleasure to read.

Hey, Change! The name's Storm, and I'll be doing a quick review for ya this afternoon!

Let me just say before I jump into the actual review part: I like how "Me" revolves around your username, and essentially describes why you named yourself 'ChangeTheWorld'. Tehe It's a good idea.



First off, as a whole I thought the poem was well written and pieced together nicely, but the beginning just didn't seem very strong. I agree with Cailey about how you could possibly gently merge into first person after a start of using third. It seems that this idea can contribute to the overall work.

Next, I just want to compliment you on the lack of grammatical and punctual errors I discovered. *big round of applause*

I'm in love with the ending,

I've got the will to make a difference
And the power to start the ripple;
Oceans only get made by small drops,
And they add up, it’s just that simple.

Such a strong conclusion, girlie!

Overall, "Me" was engaging and inspirational, and perfectly described you. Thanks for posting, and as always: Write on!

Knight Malachi here to review on a hectic and very competitive Review Day> On top of it being my first one. Whew!
First of all think this is a cool poem because it is kind of like explaining your username with a poem, which I love and should definitely do sometime. Anyway, I saw no errors in spelling or punctuation or any of those things. My favorite part was:

And maybe it takes an army,
But changing the world can start with me.
I've got the will to make a difference
And the power to start the ripple;
Oceans only get made by small drops,
And they add up, it’s just that simple.

Love that part, in part because it is so true. But it something I can of feel like as well. I really want to affect other people's lives with my writing. That is part of the reason I do it, and put it up for everyone to see. I don't know if you noticed that. I hope you did. I try to put in good morals that are valuable in life.

Hey my fellow reviewer and friend who agreed to compromise.

Happy review day!! (It's so intimidating to review a piece that already has 8 reviews. What if I contradict everyone else's review and they all hate me?)

I really like this. It's exactly the kind of poem I would expect you to write. (That is- going by your user name and profile picture and cover picture and all that. Since all of that and your statuses and pieces obviously portray all of you.)

Goodness. I keep trying to write this review and then getting distracted because you are also chatting with me. Stop distracting me so I can review your poem!! JK. <3

Anyway, I think you should start out with "her" instead of "my" and then slowly ease from third to first person. Like- make us think that this is about someone else, and then sneakily change it to being about you. So that it kind of catches us by surprise but isn't an abrupt change. (ha, change. like change the world? hajahaja! ok, ok... my mind is too strange for my own good.) Does that make sense, though?

Also- the flow is really good until the end of the second stanza. there some of the lines are a little bit too short and choppy.

And I love the ending, with the power to start a ripple and the oceans made by drops. So great and so fitting of change the world.

I hope this helps, and hopefully it doesn't sound as distracted as I feel like it does. If it doesn't make any sense, though, it is your fault for chatting with me.

-Knight Cailey

Hai DooDooHead.

I loved this one, the messages are different in each paragraph(no I do not know the correct word for those, that's how much I suck at poetry )

The first one is personal to you, I think, about how you are apparently this big philosopher while every other teen isn't!

The second one is about living in the moment, as that moment is already gone by the time you read that, and yes, I loved the way you put it, it's not the cliche live in the moment do what makes you happy, I loved this quote especially:

That woman I someday want to be,
I've still got time to be her.

Hello it's Joe Smoe to the reviewing rescue.

Hello there changetheworld (did you're parents not love you?) I am following up on the link you put on the rouge team wall. GO ROUGE'S. (That's kinda hard to use as a battle cry.)

Anyway love the poem, great title too. (although I would have said for lack of a better term, potato-potatoo doesn't really matter) The start is great except for one thing I don't understand.

"My brain is connected to my heart" Great easy start, perfect.

"Like a string that’s super glued" What's the sting superglued to, the two main organs? I just can't quite figure out what's going on here. Is the sting broken and superglued back together. I just think maybe you should make this more clear.

Okay let's move on.

The last paragraph Is amazing, Brilliant actually

"I see the people hurting;
So many souls who are in need.
And maybe it takes an army,
But changing the world can start with me.
I’ve got the will to make a difference
And the power to start the ripple;
Oceans only get made by small drops,
And they add up, it’s just that simple."

It's just so good! It makes me feel hopeful about someone being able to help this crumbling planet

Maybe you will Change the world, ChangeTheWorld.

Great poem.

Joe

P.S if you want come check out my two favourite poems by me

Memories

Rain

Hope you like 'em

Hey friend,long time no speak. CTW this poem is great, and suits your name. I realize that those of us who enter this site and write things like this always find that we're not alone. So that's what'll I'll say to you!
Who is the woman you want to be? Cause she sounds great. She's real, that's what you're saying right? That there are too many people who we can't trust and not enough we can?

You asked, and here I am. Knight Teen, here for a review.

I am assuming that in this work you are talking about yourself, correct?

You touch the other too.

Like what does it all mean?
Her mind, it takes in everything:

Because to her it matters
That someone notices the little things.

. . . . .

And maybe it takes an army,

Oceans only get made by small drops,
And they add up, it’s just that simple.

Hey, you!
Me likeys the first stanza. The part of that where you used 2nd person, like you were veiwing yourself, well, I thought that was cool.
Okay 2nd stanza was also awesome! I totally agree with how you say life is too short too worry, because it really is.
Last stanza might be my favorite. I like how you sorta compared the world to the ocean.
All in all, awesome poem. I like how seperated each stanza with little dots. Shows that your kinda starting in on a new topic.
herby

Hi ChangeTheWorld,have a good day.Here is Dark to give review on your poem!

Naturally, a beautiful and meaningful poem here.Each stanzas has its own messages.Just let me review in each stanzas to make sure I understand the whole part of your poem here .

#My brain is connected to my heart
Like a string that’s super glued;
You reach my thoughts or my emotions,
You touch the other too.-->The imaginary is enthralling,well-written and looks very interesting though a little stiff. "You reach my thoughts or* my emotions,'-I just think that 'or' maybe can be replace with 'and'.It is more smoothly to read(Just my suggestion here)

#To me it’s vitally important
That people know they can
Trust me with their secrets, with their lives,
Call me their friend.-->This part of your poem, the rhythm and tempo is a bit 'off track'. I tried to read out loud and realized that I confused with this rhyme for a while.But I have no doubt that it really convey a strong message here.

#But changing the world can start with me.
I’ve got the will to make a difference
And the power to start the ripple;
Oceans only get made by small drops,
And they add up, it’s just that simple. -->I totally love the ending of the poem.It is something that makes me gasped with this poem. It was so meaningful and 'artistic language' used is also beautiful.It has a lessons and I just learn something from you!
Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark

Hiyah! Willow C. here to save the world.
Okay you caught me I'm really here to review, but tomorrow... WORLD WILL BE SAVED.

Anywho, my horrible grammar aside.

The title. Could use adjustment. When I first read the title I was really hoping this poem was not about your internal organs. That is an awful reaction, right? Well, the title needs three things, Brievity, Relevance, and Intriguing. For you I'm adding in Specificity. That's right, BRIS.The title is the third most important part of the piece behind words and Giant squids (not necssessarily in that order). It is an extension of the author that catches the attention of the audience. It doesn't matter how good the poem is, if the title doesn't get anyone to read it. Intrigue me, make me want to read it. Other elements of a title you'll need to consider if you do decide to change it: Dramaticy, Melodrama, and NEW!!! Never make a title something like the last line it makes the last line sound cheap. Never make it over dramatic like "Little things" you may end up loosing relevance. And NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS, make it deep. Deep is overrated, the world is increasingly getting stupider deep is too deep. (Jersy Shore?) Make it new, make it you, the feelings only you could have writing or reading this poem are your best options for finding a good title.

Other than that I LOVED this poem. I almost couldn't didn't want to review it, but write a note agreeing with this poem. These are characteristic writer feelings about life, very relatable on this site and anywhere. Beautifully done and not over dramatic. Perfect just how it is.

Write on, praise the llama overlord, and peace out,
~Willow Cutz

<3