He thinks you’re beautiful.
At least he says he does.
He says you are.
He keeps on saying it.
You don’t believe it.
He keeps on saying it.
Trust him, he says.
Trust him?
Trust me, he says.
He thinks you’re beautiful.
Why?
Your eyes, he says.
Your smile, he says.
The way you laugh.
The way you blush.
How you care about people.
Who you are, he says.
He thinks you’re beautiful.
He keeps on saying it.
You don’t believe him.
Beautiful, he says.
You are.
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Dawwwww! I wish I could write poems like thaat. Actually, I wish I could write A poem. I'm what they call, a poetically challenged person. I don't think there's something like that, but you know, its the truth. I cannot write poems. Period.
Anywaaaaays, it was beautiful :')
nice
Thank you
awwwwww - just stating my reaction.
Oh my goodness! I really loved this! Your getting famous! You'll leave in your dust! OTL Just kidding. Anywho, I really like this (obviously) great job, as usual. I reall like how you used the indents, it's creally nice. ^^ A fewt hings though, I agree with @DarkKnght9 and think that maybe you could put some sort of description in there. I also think you could do what @Vivian and @MaraRobin suggested. It would be cool and have more impact.
Overall, amazing!
Hi,ChangeTheWorld.Have a good day,here is Dark to give review on you poem.
First of all,I really like how you describe 'what he thinks about you' through these lines;
" He thinks you’re beautiful.
Why?
Your eyes, he says.
Your smile, he says.
The way you laugh.
The way you blush.
How you care about people.
Who you are, he says. " --->You just need to make the words more beautiful here(because all of these lines seems simple and familiar)It will be more wonderful if you describe her like this(e.g:You blushing like a red rose)
Also,the end should be something that more strong as the completion of a poem.I see,you still haven't fixed those last lines .I know you can do better in the end here.
so Keep it up,good job!
kudos,cheers
~dark
Thanks for the review!
This poem is actually very good and flows nicely, it can be repetitive but some of the most beautiful pieces of art are repetitive. Anyway, I love stuff like this because it's pretty much something we all go through (especially girls) and anyone can relate to it, which makes it more interesting because sometimes its hard to put feeling into words and it helps when someone else does it for us and we can be reminded that we aren't the only ones. ON to more literary stuff, it flows nicely all the way up to the end, i agree with Vivian, I feel it should end:
"You are, he says.
Beautiful, he says."
I feel like by ending this way it ties it back up with the repetition of the words "he says" but that is just my opinion and it is your poem so...Anyway, great job!!
I actually did end it like that and she was saying she didn't like understand that so I took the bit out just because I wasn't sure what to do.
But you think it was better with the "he says?"
Oh, thanks for the review!
Yeah, ending with "he says" seems to bring it full circle, but it does work either way, mostly I think its just one of those things that is a matter of opinion, to another reader just ending it with "Beautiful" may be more dramatic and therefore more memorable, but maybe not quite as in sync with the the rest of the poem.
At any rate I'll put my two cents in and say that ending it at "you are" will provide the biggest bang and the poem will stand for something. Right now your not going to get much because you are repeating the same thing and there's almost no point to the whole poem
-hero
MaraRobin,
Is you avatar a picture of you?
hahaha noooo it's benedict cumberbatch, he is my favorite actor lol
ITS SHERLOCK ISN'T IT?
YES!
At this point I know what your poem is. Its been said before in different words about a millions times on this website. This theme is numb, move on, its nothing. If your going to do something of this romance your going to need to make it honest, this is not honest. This is the mixture of a saturated theme built on something that everyone goes through. "He says your beautiful" oh really how long did it take for you to think of this opener? one or two seconds? The reader doesn't appreciate it; they might say they do but they don't know what they want; they want personal experience that they can relate to not this- not the thing they read every time they open a mediocre poem.
I will say the way its described produces an image of the poster girl who goes overly crazy about a guy. I just don't want to read about it because there's nothing there- there's no scenery or even the rough ambiguity of her face- nothing. You rely on the readers ability to relate to the situation and substitute their own image in; I don't want to see the image I think of, I want to see the image you think of otherwise I walk away with nothing but waisted time.
I won't review the rest of the poem because its essentially the same thing of the first 6 lines.
*If I seem like I'm being rude then sorry. It was unintended.
-hero
No I get what you're saying. I'm always grateful for people's honest opinions. I'll keep that in mind.
Hi ChangeTheWorld,this is actually a good poem to read!I like the way,you want to point up the ideas here.It make sense to me when someone tell you're beautiful but still you can't believe it just like that.My favorite lines in here:
Good job!
" Your eyes, he says.
Your smile, he says.
The way you laugh.
The way you blush.
How you care about people.
Who you are, he says. "
These are so cute to read.But anyway,the last lines looks like it need some more improvement here
uurrgggg. Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it, but I see I still haven't fixed those last lines quite well enough
Hey CTW nice poem. Just can't focus on math class but the stuff we get out of it seems to be good.
It'd be kind of stupid of me, to ask why you don't believe him. But I still want to know. Why is it indented in the middle where you quote his words?
Love the lines.
"He thinks you're beautiful.
At least he says he does.
He says you are
He keeps on saying it..."
I kind of agree with dragonfphoenix for the last line thing. Why is it like this?
"You are, he says.
Beautiful, he says."
Oh gosh, I actually changed the last line three times, but can't figure out a good way to put it apparently.
I tried to space between the sections but it wouldn't accept it, so I had to indent to improvise because I didn't want it all in one long blob but it wouldn't let me separate them.
I was riding pretty well with this poem until the last line. I liked the small, concise segments you had, and how you kept it focused on just what the guy said. Yet when I got to the last line, I was like, "because you are...because you are...because what? She's just not the trusting type? Because she really is all these things he says? Then why doesn't she trust him? ???" It left me with a lot of questions and confusion. Maybe you resolved this, but I just missed it.
Hope this helps.
Thanks for the review! Because she is beautiful, that's why he keeps saying it. But I totally get what you mean and I'll try to think of a better way to say it.
Ack. Is that better at all for clarification?
Try "Because you're beautiful, he says." I think that'd fit nicely.