z

Young Writers Society


12+

Bloody Revolution *edited version*

by ScarlettFire


So. With a little help from a friend, this is the heavily edited version. As you can see, I've taken a lot out and changed a few lines. We both think this works better. We might also be working on music for this and it may end up on youtube, with me singing it. We'll see how it goes. Enjoy!

Edited To Add: It's not youtube, and it's not me singing (let alone any singing), but here's the music. Enjoy!


Bloody Revolution – edited version.

Verse 1:

I can show you a thousand dreams;

all your hopes and despairs,

[A bloody revolution, an imperfect absolution--]

All your darkest desires, your twisted fears,

[A deformed evolution, the wrong solution--]

My promise is ever-present, bright as the endless stars;

Twisted like the darkness beyond your doors,

a blight towards your cause

Pre-chorus:

Dare you ask it of me?

Dare you risk the future of your world?

Chorus:

Welcome to my bloody revolution

Welcome to my imperfect absolution

Say hello to my deformed evolution

Say hello to the wrong solution

Verse 2:

There's no time to waste, the light is fading;

the darkness grows,

Do you trust in my new solution?

The one that'll close all you doors?

Do you trust the hand I offer?

Will you trust me when all else falls?

Verse 3:

I will show you fear in the lightest places--

Don't turn out the lights,

the darkness grows

And with it comes your deepest fears,

With it comes all your darkest nightmares--

My promises are ever-present, bright as the endless stars;

Twisted like the darkness beyond your doors,

a blight towards your cause

Pre-chorus 2:

Dare you ask the toughest questions, knowing it might reveal you darkest secrets?

Dare you take the largest risks, knowing full well that you'll fall?

Chorus 2:

Welcome to my bloody revolution

Welcome to my imperfect absolution

Say hello to my deformed evolution

Say hello to the wrong solution

[The one that'll close all your doors]

Build-Up:

There's no time to waste, the light has fallen;

the darkness has overthrown

Trust in my new solution.

The one that will close all your doors.

Take the hand I offer you.

You will trust me when all else falls.

(Solo here, ringing out for a few bars into the following section)

Verse 4:

I'll show you how all else ends

With a handful of dust

and a whispered word.

Trust me when all else fails.

I’ll lock away your cause.

My promises will always be there, bright as the endless stars;

Twisted like the darkness beyond your doors,

a blight towards your cause.

Pre-chorus:

Are you sure you want my revolution?

Are you sure you want my absolution?

Are you sure you want my evolution?

What about my new solution?

Chorus:

Did you crave a revolution?

Did you fight for absolution?

Did you witness evolution?

This is my solution.


Notes: this is a possible alt ending for the build-up:

[Welcome to my bloody revolution

Will you stand and watch as it falls?]

It would replace the last two lines with the two above.


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29 Reviews


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Tue Aug 27, 2013 11:47 pm
Spotswood wrote a review...



This was really good! Normally I do not review lyrics, as I need to hear it along to the tune as well. The concept is dark and creepy, yet somehow extraordinarily deep. I feel that there is some sort of underlying theme of some sort. I have two interpretations I would like to give.

My first is that it is about a man (or woman) who is mentally unstable, perhaps even mad, who is pouring his heart out to someone he loves, and he is warning said person about his mental instability. He is letting the woman know what she is getting into by returning some sort of love, as if he knows he will hurt her at some point in the end. He is returning his own twisted delusion of love and despair. Yet somehow, he wishes to change for the better. He wants a revolution. He wants to evolve.

My other interpretation is that it is a person speaking to him/herself and contemplating something. I feel that the contemplation is suicide. The character in the song is obviously conflicted and depressed, not being capable of living with his own demented madness. The "revolution" or change in his life is death, and the "solution" is suicide.

I do not know what type of song this is in terms of its genre, as it could be anything from Frank Sinatra styled swing to heavy metal (like I said, I don't know because I need to hear it as well). If I had to pick, I think this song would sound best with a specific style. I feel that it is a trippy sort of prog rock in the style of Pink Floyd. The concept is something that Floyd would do, as many of their songs have dark themes, such as this. It is like something off of the Wall or Dark Side of the Moon. If you've never listened to Floyd, I'd highly recommend it because the sound is just amazing (the long instrumental and trippy guitar solos combined with the deep lyrics that possess a hint of sadness). If you have not yet picked a genre to assign to this song, I would suggest maybe doing a composition in their style.




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Sun Aug 25, 2013 9:19 pm
Blackwood wrote a review...



I really like this a lot. recently I was run down on some lyrics I wrote because they were too uh.. dark and evil and creepy, but anyway, I am curious as to what genre of music this is?

Now with lyrics, I don't like to see the lots of things repeated when they're not intentionally repeated. For example, I was listening to a certain artist and noticed she repeated the same phrases not only throughout her songs but across all her songs, which really infuriated me. There are are couple in your verses I would like to see you tackle with more creativity.

beyond your doors,

close all your doors.

You use doors to end a phrase in two different ways here.

Also
I’ll lock away your cause.

My promises will always be there, bright as the endless stars;

Twisted like the darkness beyond your doors,

a blight towards your cause.

The doors one wasn't that bad, and is acceptable, but this cause one was used quite soon, try to get some more variety.

Overall i really like this and I have no much more to say on it. good work and keep writing.




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Sun Aug 25, 2013 1:20 pm
NightWolf wrote a review...



Woah. Just woah. There is no way I could write a song, so congratulations.

I just love these lyrics, they flow so well. For some reason I see this being a rock song. But that's good, because that means I see a rhythm in your lyrics.

My favourite verse is number three, it is so dark and meaningful. I love chorus two, the way you repeat the welcome and hello

I see no problem with these lyrics, well done




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Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:31 pm
barefootrunner wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm not a regular lyrics reviewer, but this really caught my attention and kept it! So I think a few quick comments are in order.

I really love the way that every single line of this song keeps to the overall theme. This gives the song a much stronger message that is simply carried out in a myriad of ways by each verse.

Also, I really love the rhyming you've got going there. The whole rhythm of the piece is so strong that it's impossible not to get lost in it, imagining the song being sung.

That said, I like the alternative ending way more than the original, but I'd prefer it right at the end of the song. It really makes a declaration—a strong ending that rounds off the piece. I'd also like the last line to go "Will you stand and watch as (we or you) fall?" It brings it home much more strongly.

So, great work on this and keep writing! That's a great talent you have there!

barefootrunner




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Sat Aug 03, 2013 1:07 pm
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KLovelace wrote a review...



This song sounds like Poets of the Fall in my head, I really liked it! Could you post on my wall or message me when you post it on youtube, if you ever do? I'm super curious to see how it sounds!

As for the review, I'll try to make some comments here, but it's really so good that I don't really see anything that needs to be changed ^.^

Hm, okay, well chorus 2's last line seems really out of place to me. Maybe it will sound better when it's not in written form (I think it will) but I would consider leaving it out. Verse 2 could maybe use a little tweaking with word choice, because it doesn't seem as perfect as the rest of the song to me. If you were looking for a weak spot, I think it would be verse 2, but that's only if after you've polished it and still think there's something wrong with it. Last, I definitely prefer the alternate ending for the build-up compared with the one you have there now. To me, it just flows better.

That's really all I can comment on! ^.^" I can't wait to see how it sounds, if you do end up posting it on youtube :o Keep writing please! ^.^





Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
— Mark Twain