Young Writers Society

This poem left me without any words and in deep thought about it and many other things, and that doesn't happen very often with me and a poem. I very much like the repetition and how it was pieced together, it really flows with things then and this poem altogether makes you think about, well, everything. It is actually quite sad now that I look at it some more. All of it is wonderful keep this up.
-Demora

i really like this poem. i like how it gives two sides of two different people and how different people can look at the same thing and feel something different or see something different. also i can relate to how you got inspired by music because a lot of times that how i get my ideas too. wonderful job!

A single stanza poem. Well here I go!
Now this. THIS, is amazing! I, I, I, I, I, don't have much to say! It's just that good! Sorry for my excitement, but poems like that really get me going. Like a spoon of sugar to small girl. Really, though, sorry for dragging this but out more, but enigman type poems like this really amaze me, greatly. Keep up the great work!
~Dark

Hi Elizabeth! Alliyah is here to review your poem!

I think you did a great job with word choice, and creating a mood of loss but also gaining at the same time, sort of a looking around and wondering what the world's about sort of poem.
So onto my suggestions:

I agree with Layal that you should really consider breaking this up into stanzas. I think each line could also be broken into 2 lines. It just makes it easier to understand, and look more poetic.
I didn't really see anything that was a spelling mistake, and I think your punctuation is fine to. I wonder if it would make more sense to change the 2nd line from :"Wondering minds. Wondering thoughts." to "Wondering minds. Waundering thoughts." I like the repetion, but I think that it might be a little much. It wouldn't look repetious if you broke up the lines in half too.

But I guess my suggestion would be to keep most of your repetion, but it might be cool to change some of it up a little like with my suggestion. You could also change around a few of the other lines like: changing the 2nd time you use the word "filled" to 'brimming', or the 2nd to last line changing to "Starring straight into the mind. Searching straight into my soul" adding a little more variation I think would make it more engaging to read as well, because you'd still be keeping the cohesion and a little repetion, but changing up the words to expand on the meaning. And I enjoy your title choice.

Overall really good job, and I think the ending is a great conclusion. Truley bringing the reader full circle, you have a lot of potential, good luck!

~alliyah~

Love this poem, I like the thought provoking and I like the creativity put into this. There's not much to critique on it so I'll just mention what my favourite parts were.

"Starring straight into the mirror. Starring straight into the soul.

Now we are back to where we started. Who am I and who are you?"

Very well done on this piece. Keep up the good work.

-Infinity x

Its a really amazing.

These are the kind of thoughts we think of everyday and you put it into a perfectly written poem!

There's one thing to improve , i think you should arrange your stanzas and put it in a way that is easily read, but other than that its perfect.

Theres nothing more i can say i really loved your poem, Thats all!

Oh. My. Goodness. I came on, wanting to do a review. Somehow, don't ask me how, but I can not do anything but a comment. Its just too good. I love it!!

Oh, and welcome to YWS!

Little Storm Writer, GG