I have no shelter,
It was all destroyed.
The shattered glass covers the creaky floors.
My riches no longer exist.
I’m homeless, my friend.
The sign reads for sale,
This is no longer mine.
All these memories remain alive.
I scramble for food and shelter.
I need help, my friend.
I have no shelter,
It was all destroyed.
My shattered heart covers the creaky floors,
My love no longer exist.
I need help, my friend.
The sign reads for sale,
This is no longer mine.
They all say "home is where the heart is",
My chest remains empty.
That is why I’m homeless, my friend.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
I really liked this poem! I've moved a lot, so I related to a few parts of the poem. The only thing I was confused on was this line : "My love no longer exist." is exist supposed to be plural? It seems like it may flow better if it did but I'm not sure. I really liked the repitition and the relatable-ness, at least for me. Also, I loved how you did the 'home is where the heart is' line.
Good job!
--Jenn//hockeyfan87
exist is supposed to be plural, I had a typo. Thanks!
Oh, it is very nice. So simple and truthful. I like the way you think.
Thanks
Do you have any suggestions in how I can improve it?
Wow I freaking love this!!! I can't wait to get my review on!
What I loved (not just liked but loved!):
1. The meaning. The idea. The whatever you want to call it, but what this poem is trying to say. You put it out there in such a unique, creative and well written way that I just fell in love with it.
2. The repeatition. In this case you used some of the lines more than once but you changed the rest without changing the emotion and meaning you put out there.
3. The emotion. I tugs so much at my heart strings because what you wrote is so accurate.
What I didn't like (and there isn't much):
1. The "exist" issue stated below.
Overall:
AMAZING! I really don't have much bad to say because this piece is just that good. Congrats on such a strong and great piece!
Thank you!
Hi Elizabeth1!
So fist of all, I really like the repetition that you've used through out. It helps to communicate your point very well. There is a very nice flow between stanzas, and the last one really unifies the whole thing. Nice!!
You say that,
"My love no longer exist." There should be an s at the end of exist.
Overall, I think that this was an amazing, very realistic, poem. It was easy to see the message which you communicated, and told with an open heart. it's an honest point of view from a real person, and that makes all the difference.
PEACE
It was a typo, I need to proof read before I submit.
Thanks!