Young Writers Society

I find your poem totally amazing and meaningful , the words are really well chosen , and the theme even if usual in poetry is here used with originality.

The only thing which could even be better , and that is only my opinion, is the following line:

"And none really know"

I find the abscence of rhyme here cuts the musicality of the poem in half , maybe instead you could remind the reader of your precedent and following rhymes which appear often

"rises"
"haze"
"blaze"
"stars"
"shadows"
So what you could do is just change your sentence a little so it would rhyme perfectly with "shadows" and remind the other rhymes of the text it would go as :

"And no one really knows

How she got there

Suspended among her stars

And love also hides in the shadows"


But then again , this is almost nothing and your poem is really amazing .

Keep Writing

I loved this poem however there are some things i noticed

The word choice is very good the words chosen work very well with this poem

I think you stopped the poem too many times it should flow easier if you put the phrases together instead of dividing them with a space.
for example:

"The moon rises, in a nonchalant haze
In the ambiguity, of the chariot's blaze"

Other than that a very good poem
Loved it XD

Hey there!

It's musicgirl here giving you a review obviously. Alright I have a question. What type of poem is this? I'm just curious because I am learning poetry in English class and I am trying to review some of the different types of poems. Another question is What's the message of this poem? Are you trying to express your feelings or setting a scene?
The words that you use in this poem are very elegant and graceful. I don't really get why you used ambiguity in that third line though. Then a chariot's blaze comes up after that which is kind of confusing, but that's poetry.
I just realized something. Is this poem about someone entering another world? I just think that because it kind of has that vibe there.
I really like your lines about love though. That is totally true. I don't really get the last line "And none shall take your place"
That's pretty much it. Btw don't take all of this advice personally. You don't have to take my advice if you don't like it. It is fine really. Alright so yeah that's it really.

Peace out,
Musicgirl5001

Hey, IceB!:) Here to review your lovely piece as promised. Since Kyla tackled the punctuation aspect of this poem, I’m just going to ignore that and work with you on the word choice Let's begin!

The moon rises
In a nonchalant haze
In the ambiguity
Of the chariot’s blaze

Suspended among her stars

And love also hides in the shadows
Until it’s set apart.

It doesn’t fall
but stays

Love can never truly disperse

Hello, Kyla here to review you. I like this poem, it's very lovely! I want to break it down and tell you how I see it. I do this to everyone, just so they know how I feel when I am reviewing them. Now, if I say something misleading or you disagree, please don't hesitate to correct my words. I am here to help, so if it doesn't help my apologies.

First off I would like to talk about the punctuation. I think that when someone writes, they need to express it as if the reader is being read to. You need tone; you need to let people have a second to think about what they just read, and then go to the next part. When everyone reads, they read as if they hear a voice in their head reading to them. So with that, my point is, is that you need periods, commas, etc. I would do something like this:

The moon rises in a nonchalant haze;
In the ambiguity of the chariot's blaze.
None really knows how she got there;
Suspended among her stars.
Love also hides in the shadows,
Until it's set apart.
It doesn't fall, but stays.
It doesn't vanish, but fades.
Love can never truly disperse.
None shall take your place.

I really like the way you did it, but I think this type of punctuation helps people understand it more. I really hope this helped, you did very well. It is a very nice poem, keep writing!

Hi there, IceBerry! First of all, a huge welcome to YWS! Hope you're enjoying it so far.

You have a nice start here. I think all of your ideas are there, and you have a good grasp of what you want to say.

I have a couple of nitpicks:

The rhyme scheme is a little awkward. There's no set pattern. Sometimes, that's okay. But I couldn't find a connection between a disorganized rhyme scheme and your content. You might consider taking out the rhymes all together instead of trying to fit your poem into a rhyme scheme.

Also, you're missing a transition between lines 7 and 8. You go from talking about the moon to talking about love with no connection. I got the implied comparison between the two, but it was just a little jolting.

Overall, I enjoyed the piece, and I do hope you play around with it some more. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to PM me.
Good luck, and happy writing!
-Sea-

I agree with LadyPurple, it flows so easily. But it is a bit confusing, to me. I don't understand if you're talking about the chariot or not when you refer to 'her'. I don't see a real meaning to this poem, either. It does sound nice, however. I personally prefer poems with in depth meanings, but yours is beautiful as well.

Wow...I love this! It's so nice and it flowed amazingly. Keep up the awesome-ness!