Young Writers Society

hey,
Umaima here to review your submission today.

I loved your poem. It had a meaning and I could clearly make out everything you wanted to say from it. It didn't really have rhythm but without it the poem rocked and that's the specialty I see here. The way you described and put it into sentences was amazing. Keep it up!

It lacked punctuation though, I would say. I have made the edition below:

"Don’t worry – I’ll pull myself together,
I’ll make a mosaic of this shattered mind.
I will press the baroque pearls,
Until my scattered stars align.

Don’t worry about my starving heart,
I take pills for that now.
Capsules that wrench on the vise on my chest.
Until entrance is allowed.

Don’t worry about my shaking bones,
I will warm in time,
Don’t worry about my silent screams –
The voices in my head are mine."

But this is just a suggestion and it's up to you whether you take it or not. At last I would just say that it was just superb. Keep writing you have the talent.

Hope this helped. And good luck for your next submission.

I absolutely loved this. Yes, it was a little dark, but it was straight from the heart. I love everything about it. My favorite line would have to be between

"I'll make a mosaic of this shattered mind"

or

"Don't worry about my starving heart
I take pills for that now"

I found this short poem to be a complete success! But I do agree with Alfred on this one, the word "entrance" should be "entry". That isn't that bad of a mistake though considering reading it, it sounds right, but reading it slowly, you see the error. I hope to see more of your work soon!

Hello! I would like to say that this here is a work of art. I love it. As I was reading it, the voice in my head sounded fragile and very breakable. But I don't quite get the whole concept. To me, the last part seemed like it needed a bit more, "oomf." It was very nice and poetic mind you, but it just felt like it was missing something. But I like it, it seemed so tragic and fragile. I hope you won't get offended with me, seeing as I am still a "newbie." Please make more poetry like this! I enjoyed it very much. Well, that's all for now.
Yours,
GrapeNerd

Hey Demtry! Here am I for a short review on this lovely piece of yars! Hooray for today!

First, I would like to commend on the fascinating element of mystery in the piece. The use of 'don't worry' seems to put up this sign: 'You don't know me'. This brings in the sense of curiosity. It seems that I'd like to learn more; why is it that you are shattered, why are you shaking. However, the piece seems to turn me down. This voice is another plus point on the piece.

I really like the first part of the poem, too.

I’ll make a mosaic of this shattered mind
I will press the baroque pearls
Until my scattered stars align.

Until entrance is allowed.