Poetry is life;
it's rhythm like a heartbeat,
steadily beating.
It's words like fluid;
flowing, churning, through the chasm,
carving out the Earth.
It's form like temples;
climbing high unto the sky,
grasping for the stars.
It's light is like fire;
bathing, soothing life in warmth,
giving birth to life.
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137,797 Literary Works • 672,067 Reviews
Hey, Castiel. I'm Nonny! I love haiku's so I was surprised to see that yours was longer then most I've seen on here. It's usual a 5x7x5 and then that is it so I was surprised to see that it went on longer, but still kept the same structure other then the line that the previous reviewer mentioned. It does seem like there are multiple haiku's inside one big one and that's fascinating. In all, I can't really say anything bad about this poem. I think that it was well thought out and written excellently. I think that my favorite part was where you mentioned the temples, grasping for the stars. The entire poem flowed nicely. I'm sorry for such a short review but I really can't see anything wrong with this.
Keep writing!
-Nonny
Thank you!!!
Hello! Krazywriter here. Nice poem you got there! Or is it a set of poems? Quick note on the format: It looks like you know how haikus are designed, but you messed up the count on line 5. It's 8 syllables instead of 7. Not sure how you should fix it, though. Guess that's up to you.
Another thing I noticed:
"It's light is like fire;"
Seeing as how you used "it's" for other lines, you may have overlooked this. Read literally, this says, "It is light is like fire." That should be "Its light is like fire." However, if you want to use "it's" like in the other lines, you've have to reword the line.
Besides that, this is a very good poem. Good job!
Thank you!!! I have a bad habit about using contractions and stuff. But thank you for pointing it out, i will definitely try to watch out for them next time!