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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Flashes of Light

by EmmVeePi


Two brilliant flashes of bright yellow light,
Twin bursting lights shine upon my eyes
Fireflies each upon my windshield as I roll down the road.

Dead upon the glass before me,
Their startling death upon a window,
Meeting their demise mere inches apart


Were they lovers I wondered?
Would they have run away did I ponder,
They would have left this little town behind.

Maybe it was merely chance,
Perhaps they were of no association
Wrong place, wrong time, coincidentally together.

Could it be their passion betrayed them of a good and long life,
They could have each lived out a fulfilled existence apart
Or I imagine without each other that life was never worth living.

Conceivably it is possible they were cursed from the start,
They never had a chance no matter what they had wished
The steep price to pay for dancing above the highway

Coincidence it could have been
Frowned upon by destiny all along
Two lonely soles who never stood a chance.

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28 Reviews

Points: 293
Reviews: 28

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Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:27 pm
FearlessLove4 wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this.

I think your imagery in the first two stanzas is very strong. Your word choice is perfect for this poem, it definitely kept me engaged. It was a bit haunting in an innocent kind of way, which I really,really, enjoyed.

The only thing I would change, would be the repetition in the beginning. The line, "Two brilliant flashes of bright yellow light,Twin bursting lights shine upon my eyes," contains the word light twice, which I think is unnecessary. Also the line, "Dead upon the glass before me,Their startling death upon a window," the word death is repeated which is a bit redundant.

Other then those two minor things, I loved this piece. I think the idea behind it is so pretty and fantastic. I enjoyed reading it!

~FearlessLove4




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233 Reviews

Points: 19633
Reviews: 233

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Mon Aug 04, 2014 3:50 pm
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Cithara wrote a review...



Hey there! Writer here to give a review :D

First off, I'm not sure whether the font is intentional or not. Is it? If so, why? Only curious :D
I'll do some nitpicks first, then praise, and then what could be worked on.

Two brilliant flashes of bright yellow light,
Twin bursting lights shine upon my eyes

Be careful here. I know you must be very experience in poetry, so you would know that every word in poetry counts! Avoid repetition here, and come up with a synonym for one of the "light"s :D (unless this is all intentional)

Fireflies each upon my windshield as I roll down the road.

I just feel that "each" is unnecessary here, but this is your work. You don't have to take it out if you don't want to.

Dead upon the glass before me,
Their startling death upon a window,

Again, more redundancy here. Unless this is a form of poetry I cannot identify, therefore deeming this intentional, I would find another synonym for one the "dead" and "upon"
Lifeless upon the glass before me,
Their startling deaths dot my window Only suggestions

Were they lovers I wondered?
Would they have run away did I ponder,
They would have left this little town behind.

I'm so sorry for going line by line >.< But I need to point out the punctuation issues here.
First off, you do use correct punctuation in the first line, but then the second line is also a question that lacks the same punctuation. In order to keep consistency, either take out the question mark and add a comma, or take out the comma and add a question mark to the second line.

Could it be their passion that betrayed them of a good and long life,

Just adding in a word that should be there

Two lonely soles who never stood a chance.

souls instead of soles XD

This poem was so amazing! I loved the way you took something so small, like fireflies, and gave them a life story. This is brilliant to me, and I enjoyed every second of this poem.

Work on cutting out repetition, and using different words to spice up your writing.
For instance, you mention the fireflies don't stand a chance twice in your poem. Also, you question whether it was a coincidence twice as well. I have done the same thing >.<
Great job overall! I'd be interested to hear what you have to say for some of my poetry
Keep writing :D




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223 Reviews

Points: 282
Reviews: 223

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Mon Aug 04, 2014 3:03 pm
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Kelpies wrote a review...



Hello EmVeePi,

This piece is pretty cool, kind of romantic, kind of skeptical. I like the way that you portrayed them. I found one spelling error:

"Two lonely soles who never stood a chance." Lonely souls?

Otherwise, it's magnificent! I can't wait to see more.

~Kelpies.

P.S. If one was a beetle and one was a fly, and they were both glowing when you hit them, then they most probably were lovers.





Adventure is worthwhile.
— Aesop