Young Writers Society

WARNING: This is my 150th review and i dont really have much to say about this poem,so this is probably gonna be c*ap...

hey there!
i seriously enjoyed reading this!( though i dont understand why all your poems end sadly *sighs* but anyway its your work, so your choice...)

(okay back to reviewing)
the flow of the poem was just... magical, it just rolled of my tongue like silk...( because of which i canot help but read it again and again)

WONDERLUST- awesome choice of word for the tittle...it seriously is interesting!

"You were all I ever wanted
we were all we ever needed"

this indeed is a great line... it should be quoted ( but the problem is i don't know how to do it, so...)

overall i loved your poem... you should definetly write more of there but with *cough* happy endings *cough*

none other than
FD46~

I found this poem to be amazing. I liked how it's a love poem, but it doesn't have a happy ending, and it isn't the usual "we were always meant to be together". It has a different spin on it, something that's very important. It doesn't say that people fall in love and stay together forever, but that they can love each other for no reason, and move on, but understand more and always love each other no matter what. I think this is a fabulous topic that just about anyone can relate to, or at least, I know I most definitely can.
Now, getting more deeply into the way you portray your ideas. I think that you used some wonderful imagery. Although, to be honest I was a little confused by the "two children digging graves for both our hearts". Maybe you could add in one line to explain who the two children are. Also, you touched on the "innocent days and intimate nights, nightlong calls with nothing to say", which really brings in the intimacy of the relationship, so maybe you could share a little more? Try, if you want to, adding in a stanza with more details. More details makes it more personalized so that the reader can empathize even more and feel every pain and wonder that you are describing. You could say, just as an example to give you some ideas if your not sure "That wonderous night my friend introduced us on the shore,
the crashing of the waves warning us against our relationship,
but the bright stars above your head leading me on to be curious."
Obviously you wouldn't use that, but it's just a quick example of how more details can make it more realistic to the reader. Although, many people just wish to talk about the actual feelings of it in their poems, which is absolutely fine too.
Lastly, I really love how each time you repeat the stanza: "My fingerprints are all over your skin
And yours, all over my heart deep within
Even though we're not together anymore
I'll never forget the times we had before", you add on a little more. To me at least, it gives a sense of the characters growing and learning. As if they are moving on past their love to something more and realizing what they had before was not real love. It might just be because I'm going through this process whilst writing this review, but I completely fell in love with this idea and looked forward to seeing what you would add on.

So, great job, and keep on writing!

Hello! Noelle here to review as requested!

This is a wonderful piece of poetry. I really like the first stanza seeing as it sets the scene well for the rest of the poem. And then reading on, I realize that you repeat this first stanza later on which I think is cool. The other thing I think is cool about this poem is how it's not exactly structured if you know what I mean. There isn't a certain form it follows. The first stanza is four lines, the second one is nine lines, the third is one line. You know what I'm talking about seeing as you wrote it. ^_^ This way it seems more like thoughts just flowing from the speakers mind instead of being forcibly written into a structure.

Like I mentioned before, I really like the structure of this poem. I think it really helps keep the poem free. And even though there isn't any specific structure, it flows well. Another good thing about this poem is the repetition of this set of words:

You were all I ever wanted
we were all we ever needed
My fingerprints are all over your skin
And yours, forever scar my heart deep within

Hello there MVP! Dogs here with your review . Well, ignoring some of those nasty ol' grammar issues I think the content, for the most part, was pretty solid. A nice topic and a good theme to use for this poem. I think really my only complaint that I would have to say on this piece is more that you really don't strongly stick to one metaphor throughout the poem. Perhaps a couple stanza's too many on the sappy lovey dovey stuff. I myself am a hopeless romantic and I love reading sappy lovey dovey writing, but after a little while it gets too much. Let's dive in now shall we?

Ok, the major theme that you want to stick to is the fingerprints. Just focus on the touching aspect of things. It's the note that you chose to start on and you end on, the middle jumps around a little bit so lets try to bring that down. You do say: "We knew we were in love at first touch," and I think that this is a good point to focus on. I really want you to write about the "spark" aspect of the first time you touched him or her. I also really enjoy how you decided to name your lover as "wonderlust," I think that was a good title for this piece.

I think the lovey dovey stuff gets too much at the third stanza, and the fourth stanza gets a little difficult to work through. You spend too much time talking about how good the love was and not enough talking about the down side and how you're hurt. Really go into more about how the fingerprints are on the skin/soul/ whatever your choose. That will really give your poem something more to root itself in and give a stronger concept for the reader to hold on to. I enjoyed reading this piece, with some editing it can be excellent. I hope my comments were helpful, let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Salutations. I have come hither to review!

So, the first thing I noticed about this was the title. I had to do a Google search for the word "wonderlust", and it doesn't show up in any dictionary other than the Urban Dictionary. I'm not sure whether you meant to have that word to express the voice of the speaker, but I might suggest using a different word.

The style is interesting, because you have a lot of end rhymes (in most of the stanzas), but most of the stanzas and lines are different lengths. Also, a lot of the syllables and rhythms of the lines do not fit together. It is your choice whether you would like to have them fit, but when you have rhymes it makes it sound better when the rhythms match up.

The content: Well, the thing about this poem is that, evidently, this idea has been written about a lot before. This is OK as long as you can take a new perspective on it, or say it in a different way, which you have some of (with the fingerprints), but I think you could rewrite some of this to sound more, say, new, so the readers don't feel as if they have read this poem before.

Although there was some really well-done imagery here, such as the fingerprints or "two children digging graves for both our hearts"; I really like those sorts of lines.

The style is good, but sounds a bit repetitive at times. Sometimes words are repeated within one or two lines of each other, which interrupts the flow and doesn't sound as good. I also feel as if the poem as a whole is a bit repetitive; the middle section seemed to be repeating the same ideas over and over again. Perhaps cut out some lines and combine stanzas to make the poem more concise and to the point.

The thing with punctuation in a poem is that you should either punctuate it as normal sentences or not really punctuate at all. Here you didn't punctuate, which was fine. (Except for the last line, where I presume you put a period for finality.) The only thing wrong with the capitalization is that it isn't consistent. Generally, if you don't put punctuation, you would only capitalize the first letter of each line; if you did punctuate, you would capitalize normally, after periods and such.

Well, that's all I have to say. Overall, the poem has a good flow to it, and some of the imagery is really well-written; just make sure to make it sound original. If you ever need another review, just post on the thread or PM me.

Valedictions,
Wherethewindgoes

Hello there... How do I start? I'm not a pro. At reviewing, but I'll give it a shot. To start, this piece relay did draw me in. From the title on, my interest was kindled. The rhyming was also appropriate, which I like. At times in poetry, rhyming is utilized is a manner which makes little sense.

Anyway, the imagery here sure did convey a great deal of emotion. I'm not always a fan of romance, but I do have to give you an A+ here. The wording used was certainly interested and added to the entire premise of a love story, which I liked

There were however, a few things I disliked. Not many, but a few. The ending, although not abrupt, in my opinion, was not up to par with the rest of the poem. Which such a lovely rest of the poem, the ending seemed like a bit of a let-down.

Perhaps think of how you can improve that by evoking a stronger, lasting impression on the reader, rather than just ending it. Lastly, the line about a sea of tears, the one about on wings of love, were all beautiful and very unique. I do commend you fort that.

Keep writing! You definitely have a talent there!