Young Writers Society

Hello I'm here to review your poem .
This is definitely not the poem I expected when I read the title, however, with that being said, I did really enjoy it. there's so much depth and its extremely well written.
there are no grammar mistakes or misspellings.
So yeah, this is a very good poem and I really look forward to reading more from you
have an amazing day
>Adrian

Hi there EmmVeePi. This is Kays here dropping in for a review on this Tuesday morning and since I saw this in the Green Room, I may as well give this a review, yes? With that being said, let's delve right in.

I can see that this is on the shorter side and quite melancholic or generally hopeless in tone. I'm going to suggest bumping up the rating (though I've already passed that along to the Poetry crew to do this for you) and adding a trigger warning for the last line of the first stanza which is particularly harsh. I suggest a trigger warning so that people who may not want to read this content or are made uncomfortable by those topics can decide to click on another literary work instead.

Anyway, because I'm not here to talk all about that and I'm here to talk about the poem, there's not much of a flow unfortunately? The lines and wording can dictate the flow in poetry that lacks punctuation but punctuation is a primary factor in making poetry flow most of the time so I'm going to suggest to try and work around that issue. There's also the issue of the word 'forgot' or any variation of the word 'forgot' being used quite a bit here which ends up being a little repetitive for the reader and becomes stale.

I have to say that I'm hit quite softly by the last two lines in a wave-washing-over-your-legs-while-you're-standing-by-the-sea type of way which I enjoyed and we see the interesting choice of cutting out most words that can be considered unnecessary. As for the themes and overall message of the poem I assume that the speaker is victim to a health issue that makes them forget a lot and makes them forget this other person in the piece.

That's the best interpretation that I had of this and maybe if more weight were put on the fact that the speaker forgets the girl a lot and how they forget and giving more detailed examples can help the work in feeling more heavy and hard-hitting. I also wanted to note--I truly do not hope that the speaker is you or anyone near and dear to you because this is a sad poem although I did want to know what the intended meaning is and what inspired this but if you don't want to say because it's personal, that's okay!

Ahh, I hope this isn't you and if it is, stay strong, friend! There are revisions and edits that can be made to make this work stronger because I do want to see this work become more clear and more packing a punch because what's here seems worthy of that. There's potential in this work that's not quite unlocked yet. That being said, if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a nice day, EmmViPee.

Hi Emmveepi Roger drooping in with a quick review.
first and foremost l want to say well done on the name, its eye catching its those kinds of titles that attract people like me, people who like suspense and mystery fall poems and stories.
your punch line (opening sentence) l thing you should have used it in the middle or end of the poem. i would probably suggest starting with a more mysterious opening something that would convince people to continue reading.

start with a strong punch line, it can be emotional or kind of sad just to gain the attention of the readers.

overall l think it would have been an even better poem if it had gone in depth a little. But great job.