z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Problems and Dogs

by donizback


I am sure I am not one of the only guys in this world who is scared of dogs. Well I am not that scared of snakes, but when it comes to dogs yes, I am pussy cat! I change my routes if I see a dog even hundreds of feet away from me. Let me recall an incident which occurred to me quite a while ago.

It was a sunny day, just perfect for an alone, quite walk; I was coming back from school, with earphones in my ears, listening to music; when I saw a dog, sitting quietly on the other side of the road. My heart pounded, my mind stopped working, I had no other choice than to go from that road. I had no other choice than to take this risk now; I felt brave and went further. As expected, that decent looking dog (at least it was decent about 10 seconds ago) stood up like a lion and barked at me. I didn't have much time to think what to do. The only thing in my mind was to run; and so I did, my stupidest decision perhaps. You can feel how panicked I was at that time. Yes exactly, without any hesitation, it started running behind me. I ran for just five seconds or less when I realized that it is impossible to get away from a creature like this. I stopped there and, that dog stopped too. I was looking into it eyes, horrific and full of terror, and it was staring back at mine. I stepped towards it and, to my surprise, it stepped back. I realized that it is scared of me, the same way I am of it; I took an advantage of it, grabbed a small stone from the side of that street and gestured as if I am gonna hit it. To my surprise, it ran away. What a pleasant moment that was; I breathe a sigh of relief.

However, this incidence made me realize something very important and I felt like doing an experiment on it. As soon as I reached home, I took my study text and opened up the topic which I felt was the most difficult. I struggled with it for about 2 hours without eating, thinking or talking to anyone; I succeed at the end. And guess what, that topic area of the syllabus is so strong now that I made my own format, short notes and am teaching it too.

I realized that there is nothing tough/difficult in life. It is our mind which makes things easy and tough for us. We fail to understand this fact and struggle so much in life, wasting much of our time and energy on things which we can do so easily just by thinking that they are easy.

Now I enjoy and feel relaxed while solving those little problems in life. Yet, I feel amazed how we can design our own life and our surroundings just by thinking positive.


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Sun Jul 27, 2014 9:46 pm
Zontafer wrote a review...



Zontafer here to review your work!

First off, I started grinning to myself a bit. I remember when I was younger and how afraid I was of dogs, because a dog came into our house during Summer...

Anyways, I agree with the other reviewers down here. The tone and way you wrote it in felt kind of humorous and interesting. You got me hooked from the beginning, and I felt like I was a part of the scene, standing from the side and watching how it all happened.

I must say I agree with you on these lines:

I realized that there is nothing tough/difficult in life. It is our mind which makes things easy and tough for us.

You're actually right. There is nothing for us to truly fear (unless it's things that's literally worth to fear, dangerous things. We fear so many little problems and you just got me to realize that. It's pretty amazing how our brain can find a problem about everything.

You pointed out some great facts here, and delivered the story in a nice way.

I don't really have anything else to say without repeating the other reviewers, but I hoped I helped you by showing what you did well!

Inspiring essay! ^.^

- Zontafer




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Sat Jul 05, 2014 5:36 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hi there, I'm here to review your essay!

Grammar/Wording:
You use a very informal conversational tone in your piece and that gives the essay a lot of charm and makes me feel as the reader that I really know the speaker and am having a conversation with them. However, sometimes with informal language it becomes more difficult to keep the formal rules of grammar.

In this sentence:

"Well I am not that scared of snakes, but when it comes to dogs yes, I am pussy cat!"
change around some commas so it's like this "Well, I am not scared of snakes, but when it comes to dogs, "Yes, I am a pussy cat!" "

In the 2nd paragraph you overuse semi colons.
"....just perfect for an alone, quite walk..."
maybe by alone you meant "lonely"?

In the second paragraph you put "10 seconds" and then later put "five seconds" be consistent as to whether you spell out the numbers or just put the numeral value, either way is fine, just be consistent.

"I was looking into it eyes..."
"it" should be "it's"

" I realized that it is scared of me, the same way I am of it..."
in this sentence you switch back and forth between past and present tense. To stay in the same tense change "am" to "was". 2 sentences later you switch back and forth between tenses again, so change "breathe" to "breathed".

3rd paragraph "incidence" should be "incident", "succeed" should be "succeeded".

Other Suggestions:
In your second to last paragraph you put "I realized that there is nothing tough/difficult in life." I think this could be worded differently, maybe "there's nothing we can't conquer with effort or a positive mindset". I mean getting past the dog was still difficult whether or not you could do it.

You do a good job balancing details, narrative, and advice, but I think there's maybe room for a couple more key details. Some questions/details I'd like to see in the piece:
-What exactly made you so scared of dogs in the first place?
-What did the dog look like?
-Have you applied this method of positive thinking to anything besides dogs and your studies? How about some more specifics.
-How do you relate to dogs now in the present, are you still scared of them?

Content/Overall Impression:
Overall I really like the format of this piece. The message could have came off in a really patronizing, condescending, teachery way, but because of the conversational tone and the personal struggle narrative you were able to relate it to the reader in a casual and interesting way.

I'm not sure I agree with your method that anything can be conquered by simply taking on a positive mindset, I think we all have room to think a little more positively and try to believe in our own abilities.

Good job! Thanks for posting!

~alliyah




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Fri Jul 04, 2014 5:55 am
Renard wrote a review...



Hello!

You wrote a very charming opening line, because it was so confessional. Well for the character anyway. An interesting hook. This work is rather short and it discusses the fear of something and later, opens to a much wider field of "problems" and issues to debate in general.
That's very interesting, considering the lead in you had. I think you've done that to kinda fool the reader, but it was easy to follow and keep up with the points you were marking.
I especially liked this part:

However, this incidence made me realize something very important and I felt like doing an experiment on it.

Not only is it honest, but it also shows motivation and a determination to do something. :D So that's great.

This is a very positive piece that goes through a lot of interesting home truths.
I realized that there is nothing tough/difficult in life.

Nice. Well done. :D




donizback says...


Thanks for the review.

I squeezed it and made it short for you all to read it quickly; otherwise many people would be lazy (at least I feel lazy if essays are too long :P )

Thanks again. Have a great day :)



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Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:53 am
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Annaclare wrote a review...






donizback says...


Thank you so very much for this detailed review. Much much helpful. I did not give it a final read and may be this is why, there exist some silly mistakes. I shall try to make sure I do not repeat them again :)

Stay blessed,



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Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:44 am
Anabelle says...



Hi, donizback!
This was a very inspiring piece and I like how that you shared a personal experience of fear to show that ultimately, we can conquer anything. Aside from a few grammatical errors, this was very good and a nice, uplifting read.




donizback says...


Thank you very much Anabelle :)

I shall try to be better the next time. Thanks a lot for your comment.




You got rid of them. Yes, that's just like you. Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World