From the time he was born, he was taught, by his parents, that he will change the world. He dreamed of changing the world every day and night until he went to school. As soon as he was shown the atlas in the school, he felt discouraged and demotivated to change the world; since it is huge. But he did not lose hope; he then promise himself that he will change the country he live in. Later when he went to high school, he got to know more about his country and he agreed, with others, that the prime minister is a better person to change the country; he will rather take care of the city he lives in. Things didn't seem great when he entered college; no one really used to even bother listening to him there. He realized it would not be possible to change the city. He did not lose hope; he promised himself that he will change his house. He went to his mum, asked her permission, and married a lady; and promised to change her perhaps. Six children were born in the process of changing her; but she remained the same. He was hopeful that he will change his children now. But he even failed to change them too. He was breathing his last breaths, on the hospital bed, crying. The doctor asked him as to why he was crying! His reply was:
"Wish I knew that changing myself would change the world, my country, my city, and even my house. I wasted my life changing others but I now understand, we can only change ourselves; which would have eventually changed the world too."
We spend years of our life trying others to explain our point; we want them to understand us but we never bother understanding ourselves. We think that we are born the perfect which stops us from growing and learning.
Life is too short to change others. It is too short to stop and correct others; there is always a bi more to understand whatever we become and wherever we are! Wish it was easy to realize our own mistakes and correct them than criticizing others.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hey don~
" As readers, we need examples to buy into what you're saying.
Your essay reminds me of fables. It's really nice.
I have a few things I think would improve this work though. First, I think you need an introduction into the story. When you're quoting things in essays, you're not just supposed to put them there. You're supposed to introduce them and explain how they're connected to the topic at hand. I think you should use a similar technique in this essay. Open with an introduction of sorts. Like:
"Nowadays, a lot of importance is put on changing the community and leaving a mark on our world. I imagine many people's lives go like this:"
Of course, you'd put your own spin on it. This way, we have a clear understanding of what point you're trying to get across with your short anecdote of sorts.
You also need to watch your tenses. During your story you change them quite frequently from past to present. I'm going to let you find them, but if you need me to point the tense changes out or if you just want to ask questions, feel free to come to me for more help.
Finally, if you'd like to add a little more length to this, I think you should talk about how changing yourself will change the world. If you decide not to do that, you may need to think about changing the title of your essay because you don't really cover that aspect at all. You just mention it and go "Trust me
Other than that, I think this is a really cute essay. I'll go look at the others now. ^-^
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to catch me on the chatbar, hit up my wall, or shoot me a PM.
Keep writing,
Megs~
Hi, donizback. This is Pinkie here for review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on my glasses*
This is a interesting masterpiece. It gave a understanding message in this essay. This is true about we wasted our life to change others, and we need to understand who we are. Also, the flow of this essay is very good for me to read. It can give a reader's attention and get them hooked into this essay. This essay made me think you will become an amazing speaker one day. However, it has some grammar errors on here. Like right here:
"From the time he was born, he was taught, by his parents, that he will change the world."
Take off the commas on 'taught' and 'by' including 'parents' and 'that'.
Well, this is a lovely essay that you had here. You got a lot of talents in you, good sir. I enjoyed this essay. I hope you write more essays. Have a nice day and Late Fourth of July!
Awesome Job and keep on writing!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13