z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

It Only Takes A Moment

by wordsmakemovements


The moment she steps off the hard, grey, unforgiving concrete

And on top of the soft, strong, tolerant forest floor

Is the moment that she learns to release defeat.


The moment she breaks free from the nets holding her back

And runs wild with her hair flying wild and dirt splashing against her heels

Is the moment she learns she can attack.


The moment he lets go of the pain and the anger on the inside

And appreciates the beauty in the natural, the beauty in the real, on the outside

Is the moment he learns to have pride.


The moment he leaves behind the voices telling him what he should be

And listens to the river and all the noise he was meant to hear

Is the moment he is free.


It only takes a moment to take a breath of fresh air,

It only takes a moment to enjoy the sound of a raindrop,

It only takes a moment to notice and to care.

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67 Reviews

Points: 214
Reviews: 67

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Sun Mar 30, 2014 5:55 pm
joallover wrote a review...



Hey there! joallover here for a review on this wonderful Review Day for team Mazarine Marauders!
I adore this! I wish everybody would read this, it is so true! I love the ending, it completes it so well. Especially the "It only takes a moment to notice and to care." Perfect. Just, perfect.
I have one thing to nitpick, though!

"And runs wild with her hair flying wild and dirt splashing against her heels"

You've used the word 'wild' twice in this sentence and it makes the reader double take, thinking they have read the same thing twice. It's not good for rhythm, and you have wonderful rhythm in the rest of the piece.

I also love the fact that you added more than one person in this, almost as an example of the refreshingly simple realization to all man kind to just, take a minute to be okay.

Sorry, this review is a little...all over the place. Stay with me, I make sense, I swear!

That's all I will say, other than you did amazing with this piece. I'm glad I read it. Keep calm and write on!
Peace Love and Fahrvergnugen!
-joallover




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317 Reviews

Points: 20
Reviews: 317

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Tue Mar 11, 2014 3:29 am
lostthought wrote a review...



*scrutinizes piece*

I love the reputation. It's just right. Not too randomly spaced and put at the right spots as to not make it sound horrible.

My favorite line is:

And appreciates the beauty in the natural, the beauty in the real, on the outside

-If everyone appreciated the beauty of nature, would they still killing it?

Did you try to put it in stanzas before? The solution to the double spacing is pressing shift as you you press enter. Mainly works on the computer of course.

This is awful good, I have nothing to nitpick. Well keep writing! Welcome to YWS!

-lost



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Thank you! I did not know about the double spaceing trick! There are 3 lines in each stanza.



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18 Reviews

Points: 470
Reviews: 18

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Tue Mar 11, 2014 12:37 am
Malooga wrote a review...



I enjoyed this piece thoroughly. More specifically I really enjoyed the careful use of repetition, as not to be randomly inserted but with practiced spacing and a nice little crescendo at the end. I don't have much to suggest here, good use of punctuation and short-long sentences to help break up the flow and call attention to the turning points of the tempo.

Thanks for the great read!



Random avatar


thank you!




Beware of advice—even this.
— Carl Sandburg