This one is short but intriguing, I would love to know what happened next.Just imagine how this guy will get his body stuck in a ovenXD
I scream as it burns me. Evan beats it with a hammer as Percy tries to call the cops, not that they'll believe what's really happening to us.
5 hours earlier
"Hey, Percy." I shouted over to Percy, he jerked his head toward me.
"What?" He asked.
"You're good with animals, why does my dog keep barking at my oven?" I asked, my dog had been barking while I did my homework, watched TV, ate dinner, went to bed, and while I ate breakfast in the morning. He shrugs.
"Beats me, did you drop food under the oven?" He asked.
"I don't think so," I said.
"Tabby, you know dogs can sense the super natural." Evan budded in.
"So my oven's haunted?" I laughed.
"You're an idiot," Percy said. "The dog's probably barking at his own reflection in the oven."
"You never know, a long time ago a little kid could've fallen into the oven and was burned to death, and now he haunts the oven forever." Evan argued.
"Very likely." I snorted.
Currently
"We're on hold for the cops!" Percy screams.
"What kind of cops make people wait on hold!" Evan shouts. Tears stream down my face.
"Get it off me!" I scream, my hand is bubbling from so much heat. The pain is unbearable, it feels like being eaten alive.
"We're trying!" Evan says. "But, it won't let go!"
3 hours earlier
The bell for school to end rang. Percy and Evan were standing in front of my locker, smiling like creeps.
"We have an idea." Evan said.
"Surprising," I muttered.
"Ouch," Percy said, faking being hurt.
"Okay, so why don't we go to your house to check out this haunted oven." He said. I shrugged.
"I don't see why not." I said.
I regret making that choice.
To be continued...
This one is short but intriguing, I would love to know what happened next.Just imagine how this guy will get his body stuck in a ovenXD
This is kind of chilling. I really like it, and since it's tbc, I'm awaiting the next part.
I'm really curious as to what's with the oven. And what exactly it's doing to her (I'm assuming that it's a girl because the character seems feminine to me (you can correct me if I'm wrong).
Now for my measly nitpicks:
This seems kind of run-on-ish to me. And the last bit can be moved.
"I asked, my dog had been barking while I did my homework, watched TV, ate dinner, went to bed, and while I ate breakfast in the morning. He shrugs."
You could possibly change it to, 'I asked, My dog had been up all night barking. He barked as I did my homework, watched TV, when I went to bed, even when I got up and had breakfast!'
Then, "He shrugs, "Beats me, did you drop food under the oven?" He asked.'
(Veto the whole gender-confused thing, you mentioned her name, my bad.)
Anyways,
'Evan budded in.'
Is he a flower? Maybe you you mean butted. Unless Evan IS a plant. Plot twist!
(I'm not trying to be harsh. Every time I try to correct this part it just sounds so mean coming from me. Sorry.)
'"You never know, a long time ago a little kid could've fallen into the oven and was burned to death, and now he haunts the oven forever." Evan argued.'
Change the first period to a comma.
"You never know, a long time ago a little kid could've fallen into the oven and was burned to death, and now he haunts the oven forever , " Evan argued.
'I scream, my hand is bubbling from so much heat.' You can use 'blistering' instead.
'I scream, my hand is blistering from so much heat.'
There's just something about this story that makes me want to read more. It's great, full of suspense, and I adore that little cliffhanger you left us with!
Good job, and keep writing!
~Pen
Hey TheMissingPiece! (Nice name) Alex here to review your short story intro!
Heh this story made me laugh, it has such a funny concept of the haunted oven. I also love how they try and call the cops even though they won't believe them:
"We're on hold for the cops!" Percy screams.
"What kind of cops make people wait on hold!" Evan shouts. Tears stream down my face.
120,454 Literary Works • 649,891 Reviews
Points: 789
Reviews: 4
Donate