Hi there. Just to shoot this out right now, I've been having a crappy day. My backpack ripped and all my papers fell into the snow, I was tripped in the hallway by a bully, I got an F on a math project and I'm damn tired. This poem really cheered me up. It made me remember that I'm not alone in this crazy fucked up world, you know? There's plenty of people around me who are willing to hand me a smile just to cheer me up. You're one of those people. Thank you.
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Anyway, enough about me. I'll start with the little nit-picks.
I feel like in the first paragraph, when you stated, "smiles make the world," to me it feels unfinished - like you never got to finish the sentence. This is up to you, but I'd recommend putting something like, "smiles make the world brighter," or "smiles make the world happier," that's totally up to you.
In the next paragraph, where you say, "everyone can' smile," I'm not sure what the ' is there for. It's probably just a typo, but you probably want to fix it.
In the last paragraph, I think you mean 'warm' not 'worm'. It might be a little awkward if smiles can like slither into hearts and stay there like a worm in an apple. I just freaked myself out cx.
I hope I don't sound too pushy or picky
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This poem really made me feel good, though. Thank you for sharing it.
-Jeanie
Points: 500
Reviews: 2
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