*has been edited*
Smiles are everything,
They hide things,
They show the light in you,
Smiles make the world.
*
Everyone can' smile,
Not everyone wants to frown,
Even if you feel alone,
Smile and let it all out, it just might help.
*
It may be hard to do for some,
But don't look so down,
People don't like frowns,
They like to laugh and smile!
*
Maybe if you smile once a day you will feel better,
Smiles worm our hearts,
It could be from a friend or from your love,
Smiles are all around us!
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hi there. Just to shoot this out right now, I've been having a crappy day. My backpack ripped and all my papers fell into the snow, I was tripped in the hallway by a bully, I got an F on a math project and I'm damn tired. This poem really cheered me up. It made me remember that I'm not alone in this crazy fucked up world, you know? There's plenty of people around me who are willing to hand me a smile just to cheer me up. You're one of those people. Thank you.
-
Anyway, enough about me. I'll start with the little nit-picks.
I feel like in the first paragraph, when you stated, "smiles make the world," to me it feels unfinished - like you never got to finish the sentence. This is up to you, but I'd recommend putting something like, "smiles make the world brighter," or "smiles make the world happier," that's totally up to you.
In the next paragraph, where you say, "everyone can' smile," I'm not sure what the ' is there for. It's probably just a typo, but you probably want to fix it.
In the last paragraph, I think you mean 'warm' not 'worm'. It might be a little awkward if smiles can like slither into hearts and stay there like a worm in an apple. I just freaked myself out cx.
I hope I don't sound too pushy or picky
-
This poem really made me feel good, though. Thank you for sharing it.
-Jeanie
I'm here to review this lovely poem today! If you don't mind, I'm going to review stanza by stanza. I apologize if I sound to nit-picky... seems to be an habit of mine.
This seems to be an force of habit of yours. You separate a whole stanza by commas. Some aren't necessary. For example;
This is one sentence. So maybe try: "Smiles are everything."
This made me giggle just for the fact that it's an oxymoron. For this section, it would sound rather nice if you made this one sentence and put in an replacement word for the second 'They'. Also, how can a smile create the world? Explain this please!
I'll stop suggesting that for the following stanzas, but you get the gist.
Right off the bat, I'll point out that you don't need an ' in can. Other than that, the only thing I can mention is maybe take my advice from the first stanza for your other stanzas.
Why is it hard to do? Why is someone looking down? Explain this please (in your poem, so readers might get an better picture.). And what people? Everyone or certain people?
Now this stanza seems pretty sudden. Persuade the reader to smile, don't just tell them to! This might make the poem have a more appealing ending. And it's 'warm', not 'worm'. And if you possibly added another stanza for love instead of pushing it into the last one, it may make a little most sense.
Now that I'm done with nit-picking, I will say praise(: I did like the overall idea in the poem. It's rather nice to see an happy poem out there(: Great job, Sara! Keep writing girly.... I'll keep reviewing and reading!
Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Hello! Cailey here with a review.
I should start by saying that this poem made me smile and I am still smiling. I wasn't at the beginning, and then part way through I realized that I wasn't smiling and so I did and it's even contagious to me because now I'm making myself smile even more and... ah, so many smiles!
So my biggest bit of advice is that you make this more unique. By this I mean try to add some more details and examples. Like instead of saying "smiles worm (I think you meant warm) our hearts" you should write about how the smiles are like the sun if our hearts are earth or something like that. If you compare the smiles to something and use the five senses (smell, sound, taste, sight, feeling) then it makes the poem come alive so much more to the reader.
I like the last two lines of the first stanza a lot. See, in the last line "smiles make the world" you almost personify the smile and make it into something that is making and building, which is a really neat touch and again helps me to see the smile instead of just hear you tell about it.
I hope this helps, this was a very nice feel good poem that definitely succeeded in spreading the smiles! Let me know if you need anything or have any questions! -Cailey