Young Writers Society

Hi!
I liked this poem, to start off, but I do think you could work on it. First things first, you spelled "became" wrong. The good thing is that it's the only word spelled wrong so I don't have to tell you to watch out for typos like that. Your grammar is pretty on point and so are your conventions.
A note I do have to make is that the rhyming sounds forced. There isn't a flow to this that would make the poem sound nice. You also have to pause after every line, which sort of makes it monotonous and tiring to read. I think you can change this by writing more than two line stanzas and changing up the way you write a concept. There are better ways to word what you're trying to say and I think you're capable of finding those ways.
It sort of sounds like vows to me and I really like that, but if it isn't, then I feel like it's a tad simplistic. Another point I have to make is that the poem is pretty casual in language, but the last line is not. I think the poem could benefit from more elaborate language, although you would have to rewrite a big chunk of it to add that.
Overall, it's a nice poem. Like I said before, you could work on it. The ideas and the premise of it are lovely, however, and you should keep those.
Keep writing and good luck,
Dianne E.C.E.

Hello vluvswriting!

This is Magenta here to review your submitted poetry piece, Living to Love You. I liked the poem a lot, yet this is a review, so I have some suggestions for you.

"A power, an enigmatic energy love is;" I would suggest rewording this line. it sounds a bit lengthy and I think you could just move a couple of words and it flow much nicer. Instead of saying "a power" before what you think is a power, I would change the way these two went and maybe worded it differently to hook the reader in on the first line.

I would write it like this...

"Love. An abstract labyrinth of power and feeling and knowledge." I don't know, something like that.

"Love, so magnificent, yet inaffable;
Yet I try to portray it without a garble. "

"Love is the chaste of an innocent smile;
Love gives strength even to the creature most fragile."

I see that you aimed for this to be a successful rhyming poem, right? I think that you should look your rhyming over. Rhyming is very difficult when it comes to poetry because you sometimes force it which changes the meaning sometimes. It may ruin the flow of the poem or rhythm when you try to rhyme but keep the same meaning.

I wasn't sure whether some words were the best choices. For example, "Love is the chaste of an innocent smile;" I would't use the word "chaste" in this sentence because you said that it was an innocent smile. But other than that, great job and keep on writing!

~ Magenta

Hey V!

I like this, it's sweet!

Rhyming and Rhythm
Rhyming is sooo much harder than it seems, don't you find? Generally I don't even try unless I'm writing to a very, very basic rhythm.
The thing with rhyming is that if you try too hard it starts to sound forced, or upsets the rhythm, which in turn is kind of like adding half-crushed strawberries to a milkshake, so that instead of drinking a smooth liquid, you have to take your time so that you don't choke on the clumps.

This part, for example: "Love is an encouragement, without any exception; Nothing can tear it apart, have no misconception." On it's own it sounds fine, but when read from the beginning this part really tripped me up. I'd recommend reading from the beginning aloud, and if you ever find that you have to backtrack or force a syllable to make it sound better, remember that in your readers mind it's magnified and that slight forced syllable ends up like trying to force a sound through a clogged up trumpet.

Mismatched Rhymes
"There are different types of rhyming schemes, that all work different for different things."< This is an imperfect rhyme. It has a similar kind of vowel in the middle but it's not in any way an actual rhyme. It's not the same as "we three kings bring pretty things."
Through most of your poem you have perfect rhymes, which is quite impressive I have to say. But at the end here, with 'inaffable/garble' and 'existence/pretence' you've slipped into imperfect rhyme. It's an odd stylistic change and I'm not sure if it works.

Pomp and garble
Your language in this is beautiful and the variation of vocabulary is expertly done. All until these two words, which are really informal so they don't seem to fit the rest. I'm sure if you put a little more thought in you'd be able to find an alternative, from what I've seen in the earlier verses I expect that would be easy ;]

Possitives
This is the part of the review that I get to fill with smush!

Love poems are amazing. Youth is full of a painful amount of emotion and angst and doubt and criticism, and sometimes it reflects on the waves of poetry coming across the site. This poem is a breath of fresh air and always a welcome read =D

I particularly adore these lines; "Love is the chaste of an innocent smile. Love gives strength even to the creature most fragile." Combined with "Love is a nifty wave with intensity strong" it makes me think of a small child being loved by their parents, and then growing up to love a partner and finding stronger and more intense forms of it. It's such a beautiful picture to create and I think that's probably what I'll most likely remember this poem for.

Keep up the good work!
~Ten