Scarlette Fawn
3:40 AM and I wake up screaming covered in a cold sweat. My heart races and my breathing staggers. Frisky, on the floor below my bed raises his head to look at me. Thankfully Matt placed me in the highest room of the house. He told me that no one should be disturbed while I’m up here.
“Nightmares Miss Scarlette?”
“Yes, I’m sorry if I woke you up Frisky. It's just...I’m sorry.”
“Don't be sorry Miss Scarlette. I don't really sleep much. I wasn’t created to sleep...You scream and talk a lot in your sleep. Tonight was a little worse.”
“I was drowning. Someone was holding me under the water, but I didn't know who it was. It felt so real, and no matter how hard I fought I couldn't get out. They were screaming at me, but I couldn't comprehend what in the world it was, but I knew it was my fault. God, it felt so real. I even felt the water fill my lungs.” I place my head in my hands.
“I’m sorry that you have these nightmares.” He says quietly.
“Yeah me too.” I say. I quickly throw my legs over the side of the bed and slip on the pair of old converse I found in one of the old closets at the farmhouse. I climb out of the bed, and I grab my jacket from the edge.
“Where are you going?” Frisky asks.
“For a walk.” I say walking towards the door.
“Would you like me to come with you?”
“No Frisky. I’ll be okay.” I quietly make my way down the attic stairway towards the second floor. The floor creaks slightly, but nothing that should wake anybody. I pass the rooms of my sleeping friends. I recognize the individual noises I have come to recognize. The springs of Kirstens bed rustle because she moves a lot, Carlos snores like a cartoon character, and Astral is so silent you can almost hear his heart beating, and the blood rushing through his veins. It's amazing how much time you have to notice things about others when you don't sleep.
I continue on my way down another flight of stairs when I hear a noise behind me. I don’t turn to see who it is, but I know it’s a person. I dont have the time, or heart to explain anything right now. I rush the rest of the way down the steps, and out the front door. Before I can rush off the porch too a voice stops me.
“Scarlette? Where are you going at this hour?” I turn to see Matt sitting on the porch swing with a cup of water in his hand.
“Me? Why are you up?” I ask avoiding his question.
“Keeping watch. Now it's your turn to answer. Spill.” He pats the part of the swing next to him, and I slowly walk over.
“I just...needed to clear my head a bit. Couldn’t sleep.”
“That’s funny. You used to be the kind of person that would make me go into her room 20 times every morning to get her out of bed.” He slightly laughs. “You were never a morning person.”
“I’m still not, but it's different when your body doesn't know what morning is anymore.” He looks down. I can tell we are both thinking the exact same thing. We haven’t had a real conversation in almost 3 years. Well, unless you count the argument we had earlier today regarding the corrupted messages. But besides that nothing. We’re both very different people now, and even though he is the most important person in my life I still feel like he is stranger.
“How are you?” He asks,
“Please don't try to pretend like everything's okay Matt. We’re not sitting at home watching tv on the couch anymore, where my only problems were whether or not boys liked me. We’re caught in a war now. You and I both know I’m not okay. We also both know that you're the only person I would dare admit that too.”
“Scarlette I was just-”
“I know what you were doing. I'm sorry I snapped. It’s just…”
“What is it Scar?”
“Look Matt you can't tell the others about these things. You have to promise me you won't. It has to be my decision when the others find out. Okay?” He nods. “Look, when we were still trapped in the labs I did some things I regret. I killed two innocent people…They were doctors, they both had families, and they were so scared...of me. I did that, and I can't take it back..” This was the first time saying those words allowed. I’d like to say that it felt like a weight was lifted, but it wasn't.
“Scarlette. Those people tortured you. They treated you like a lab rat.”
“They didn't deserve to die like that though Matt. I forced one of them to kill themselves, and the other slowly bled to death. He was in so much pain, and all he could think about was his daughter…”
“You can’t let the guilt consume you Scar. It was an accident. You were scared. You had no control.”
“That’s no excuse Matt.”
“Look, if you’re looking for forgiveness. I forgive you. You’re still my sister, and I love you more than anything. I’ve always fought for you, and I always will. I promised that I would protect you always, and I will. You can’t blame yourself for the rest of your life. You have to forgive yourself eventually. Those doctors knew what they were getting into. You guys were classified as highly dangerous. They knew the risks they were taking.”
“I’m trying Matt, but I’m going to have to live with it forever. I’ve always been someone who gives people second chances, but forgiving myself is harder than I thought. I can’t tell the others what happened. What would they say? I was a monster that day. I promise I’m trying Matt.” He reached out, and wrapped me in his arms. For the first time I didn't fight it, and I let out my anger through sobs. Matt was always my shoulder to cry on, but the harder I cried the more I thought. And thinking can corrupt us, but it can also help us. I pulled myself from Matt’s grasp, and stood up.
“I’m going for a walk. You should try to get some sleep okay?” I wipe my eyes, and smile. Before he can say anything I’m already off the porch heading towards the stables. I choose to sit on top of the fence surrounding the field. Its empty, because the horses are still shut away in the stables for the night. I pull down my sleeve to reveal the gash on my arm. My skin grows darker every day, and my worry increases. I was going to tell Matt, but I’m afraid of the answer I would get. Right now I have to focus on bringing Astral into this group. To not only save the group, but to save him. I owe him that. If anyone found out about the infection they’d blame him. He’d blame himself. I can’t do that now. Not to them.
“You know, I always felt like this place was more beautiful during the day, but I can see why it's so compelling at night. The sky is brighter with stars than I ever seen.” I quickly hide the gash on my arm, and turn to see the figure walking up behind me.
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