Part II: Today Earth, Tomorrow the Universe!
After years of peaceful rule under me, Empress Kat(working title), those ninjas really come in handy when dealing with those pesky rebel uprisings, the squirkies had gotten restless and their numbers are daunting at the least. Apparently they’re too cute to be thought of as a threat… but cute or not, they tried to take over the world themselves, quite a trend I started.
A devastating war broke out between my ninjas and the squirkies. My ninjas, well-trained and super cool as they are, killed the squirkies by the bazillions! But for every one they killed, a bazillion more popped up from the aluminum mines to fight, damn their speed breeding! I decided enough was enough. With my incredible intelligence(and some really detailed plans left by Jes… oh memories…) I developed a super-really-big-massive-giant bad-ass looking weapon thingy that would be read to detonate in outer space at the press of a button, conveniently located at the top of my really super big-ass pyramid. The weapon would target anything with the squirkie chromosome and zap them to death dramatically.
BWAHAHAHA--*coughcoughchokesplutter*--AHAHA!!!
The squirkies caught wind of this and worked crazy quick to overrun the world, streaming from their mines by the bazillions of bazillions and crashing through my defenses. As the squirkie army converged on my pyramid, Hunter and I were deep in the depths of my pyramid discussing our next strategy in case the weapon wasn’t finished.
Hunter scrunched up his face, deep in thought. I could tell he was concentrating really hard. He bent over and took his shot. The cue ball collided with the two ball, sending it into the corner pocket.
“Gotcha!” he exclaimed. “We can beat the squirkies like that!”
“By hitting them with a cue ball?” I questioned.
“…No, Kat we-“ Hunter would’ve said more, but at that moment an alarm went off, signaling that the squirkies were upon the pyramid. We dropped our pool sticks and ran for the elevator.
“No you idiot! Don’t you know that squirkies have an elevator cable chewing fetish!?” I yelled at Hunter.
“They do?” He tilted and scratched her head. At that moment squirkies began swarming in from all sides—except for the stairway of course. (had to leave us an escape route, or else the story would just end, and what fun would that be?!) We rushed up the stairs, the squirkies, spouting their weird squeak language(from natural helium in the aluminum mines) fast at our heels. We barely reached the tiptop for the pyramid in time, and Hunter held the door shut as I dove for the button that would zap all the squirkies. There were too many squirkies for Hunter to handle, though, and they rushed into the room. One of them clawed Hunter across the face, giving him one of those dashing scars over one eye. Very sexy.
I slammed my fist down on the insanely large launch button just as the squirkies reached me. I had no clue if the weapon was done, and it would really suck if it weren’t. I mean, the weapon was barely finished, so there was a chance it wouldn’t actually be finished, and if it weren’t done, I would have all my ninja assassin dudes liquefied for working too slow! I realized I missed the button and slammed my hand down again. Then the button wouldn’t press.
“The safety!” Hunter yelled as he was being brutally scratched by a squirkie. What genius puts a safety catch on the world’s most deadly weapon, Jeez! I unlatched the safety device and pressed the button again!
The button pressed down, and all of a sudden a blinding flash of light filled the room. All the squirkies suddenly got zapped by a crazy huge bolt of lightening, and finally defeated! Yippee!
Unbeknownst to Kat and the others, the weapon was developed with a single flaw. Any squirkies that had aluminum armor would be exempt from the blast of lightening. Which meant that any squirkies still in the aluminum mines would still be unzappified! Oh no!
