You are given a corrupt-a-whish-o-matic, but, unfortunately, the CAWOM is actually a Heavy Lourde, which falls from the sky, crushing you and turning you into a paraplegic. Sorry.
I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway. — Vogon Captain (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)