Young Writers Society

A child watches as his friend falls, pushed down by the small hand of another. Anger swells inside and the child moves, walking across gleaming gravel to where the others fight. His hand shoots out to make the antagonist stop, shielding the broken child on the ground. Power, anger, rage, the need to seek revenge for what this bully has done all drive him as his fingers curl and make contact with the enemy’s skin. The human brain’s thirst for justice causes violence as retaliation for violence directed at them or some one else; some see it as the only way to fix things.
Shakespeare uses this often in Romeo and Juliet. With out violence the vague fighting of the elite families shows that violence does in fact cause more violence. The families’ children are fighting even thought they have no cause for it. They have no reason but that of their parents to hate each other and still they argue, show by Samson and Abram in Act One. They aren’t even apart of the families by blood and yet they defend the names of their masters.
The rivalries between the families cause animosity between the characters creating many examples of the Capulet and Montague’s trying to fight fire with fire. One great example is Mercutio’s death. Heated words of a Capulet cause fighting to break out between Tybalt and Mercutio. When word gets back to a heartbroken Romeo, he sees the only solution is to rid the world of his problem. He believes the way to stop the fighting is to kill the one who is provoking the strives. Tybalt’s death is derived directly from violence just pages before.
It could be said also that the violent end to Tybalt’s life causes the ends of both star-crossed lovers, Romeo and Juliet. Romeo is threatened by death by the police’s hand and Juliet is crushed to know that is in fact scheduled to marry Paris after her cousin’s horrible death. The violence is more subtle with the taking of their own lives but it was still caused by the fighting of the families and the unwillingness to stop the arguing. In turn Juliet’s “suicide” causes Paris’s death by Romeo’s hand. And it also causes Romeo’s suicide, which causes Juliet to really take her life.
Shakespeare takes violence to the extreme as he does with the themes in all of his plays. But the examples make it clear that fighting fire with fire will cause a fire that is so out of control it will burn everything in its path without hesitation. The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is fed by human nature and confusion, by love and hate and still stands true today. In the words of Reverend William Sloane Coffin, Jr. “The cause of violence is not ignorance. It is self-interest. Only reverence can restrain violence—reverence for human life and the environment.”

Hi, Pea!

So, I don't usually do line by line, but since this is for a school assignment, I'm thinking that your teacher wants the grammar and such polished/structure at its best (at least my English teacher does that) so I'm going to do that! I hope I can provide some helpful insight, as I'm not used to reviewing essays.

peanut19 wrote: A child watches as his friend falls, pushed down by the small hand of another. Anger swells inside and the child moves, walking across gleaming gravel to where the others fight. His hand shoots out to make the antagonist stop, shielding the broken child on the ground. Power, anger, rage, the need to seek revenge for what this bully has done all drive him as his fingers curl and make contact with the enemy’s skin. The human brain’s thirst for justice causes violence as retaliation for violence directed at them or some one else; some see it as the only way to fix things.

I'm not sure what you're referring to in this paragraph. I'm hooked at the beginning, but then I get lost quickly. Are you referring to when Tybalt kills Mercurito? If so, you need to make that clearer. If not, I would just fix up the wording/not spend so much time describing so you get to the point and right into the juicy part of your essay. I'm also failing to see a thesis. I don't know what your English teacher wants, but either at the end of the beginning of a first paragraph, there's a topic sentence that discusses what the whole paper will be about and contains key words for you to link back to in your body paragraphs.

Shakespeare uses this often in Romeo and Juliet.

Two things! First, since this is the first time that you're introducing the author of the literary work, you should include his full name. Romeo and Juliet should be italicized since it's a title, and you should also specify what it is. Even though your teacher already knows, he or she wants to be able to see that you know. Also, Besides, it's just proper essay format. Also, you need to go into more specific detail about what "it" is.

With out violence the vague fighting of the elite families shows that violence does in fact cause more violence. The families’ children are fighting even thought they have no cause for it. They have no reason but that of their parents to hate each other and still they argue, show by Samson and Abram in Act One. They aren’t even apart of the families by blood and yet they defend the names of their masters.

Huh? I kind of get what you're trying to say in this paragraph, but the wording seems a little bit off. I would tone down some of the repetition; you have fighting and violence twice in two sentences. You kind of start talking about the servants without much of a real transition. You can mention the servants, because they're a good example, but how does it affect the children, like you mention in the first and second sentences of this paragraph?

Then, in the rest of the essay, you lose me. I'm not really sure what this essay is supposed to be about; it really just seems like you're summarizing various themes without any really direction or flow. I would take the thesis that you've been given, and maybe construct an outline of all the key points that you would like to include. Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus and you are linking back to the key points in your thesis.

Hope this helps you and that I don't seem to harsh. Best of luck with your grade, and feel free to drop me a note if you have any questions!

~ Elinor