z

Young Writers Society


Down the Rabbit Hole



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60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Fri Apr 01, 2022 9:30 pm
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LizzyTyler says...



Wohoo! Let’s DO THIS!!!

April 1- Achy-Breaky Bones

April 3- Silence

April 6- Silence of Noise

April 8- Live

April 10-Four Seasons

April 12-Man in the Moon

April 30-Drunken Mistakes
“your highness” is gender neutral


so if you are ever confused about my pronouns


that’l work


alternatively “your majesty”, “my liege”, and “supreme overlord”


*please note “your grace” is also acceptable
  





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60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Fri Apr 01, 2022 9:31 pm
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LizzyTyler says...



Achy-Breaky Bones

Every winter
When it rains and snows,
The thick wet cold
Seeps into my bones

A pale pastel
Of aching pain spreads
Tendrils of blues
Of greens and of reds

Start from my ankles
And work their way up
From my knees to my hips
And a couple new checkups

Low on the scale
From one to ten
Almost always around
To leave now and then

Now there’s the sharp pain
It comes and it goes
But what followed the pain
Are muscles that froze

Every winter
It rains and it snows,
The thick wet cold
Seeps into my bones
“your highness” is gender neutral


so if you are ever confused about my pronouns


that’l work


alternatively “your majesty”, “my liege”, and “supreme overlord”


*please note “your grace” is also acceptable
  





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60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Sun Apr 03, 2022 4:04 pm
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LizzyTyler says...



Silence

Silent whispers whirl
Echoing louder each breath
Breathe in, out; silence
“your highness” is gender neutral


so if you are ever confused about my pronouns


that’l work


alternatively “your majesty”, “my liege”, and “supreme overlord”


*please note “your grace” is also acceptable
  





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455 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 22098
Reviews: 455
Tue Apr 05, 2022 10:47 pm
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Hijinks says...



Spoiler! :
Hi LizzyTyler! Great job on your NaPo so far! You've got a cool rhyme scheme in your first poem, and honestly just a lot of nice sound devices in general - I especially like "pale pastels", it just has such a satisfying ring to it.

Start from my ankles
And work their way up
From my knees to my hips

^This is my favourite part; such an uncomfy image, but it's very effective in this poem.

I also think you did a great job of using pacing in your haiku, particularly in that last line - the punctuation adds a lovely rhythm that perfectly matches what it feels like to take a breath. Keep up the good work!

(P.S. I'm not sure if you want comments in your thread, so if not let me know and I can move this to your wall ^^)
When you're faced with something you don't understand, I think the most natural thing but also least interesting thing you can be is afraid.

-- Hank Green

they/them
(previously whatchamacallit and Seirre)
  





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1227 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 144400
Reviews: 1227
Wed Apr 06, 2022 5:49 am
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alliyah says...



Spoiler! :
Hey Lizzy! First NaPo whoop whoop! :) Good start and good luck! Your first poem has tons of fun sound devices and I can imagine would be really fun to read aloud. Looking forward to reading more of your poetry this April. <3
you should know i am a time traveler &
there is no season as achingly temporary as now
but i have promised to return
  





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60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Wed Apr 06, 2022 11:01 am
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LizzyTyler says...



Silence of Noise

Voices circling
Twanging and hissing
Echoing off one another
Into a single, deafening noise

Everybody’s talking big
But not much is being said
Mindless chatter
Bland opinions

No one willing to break the peace
No one willing to speak their mind
Mindless noise
From your mouth and mine
No one willing to break the silence
No one willing to cause a ruckus
No one willing to start and argument
At the expense of the silence of noise

Spoiler! :

Thank you both! I appreciate the feedback! Feel free to comment, I forgot to attach a tag :)
“your highness” is gender neutral


so if you are ever confused about my pronouns


that’l work


alternatively “your majesty”, “my liege”, and “supreme overlord”


*please note “your grace” is also acceptable
  





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60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Fri Apr 08, 2022 10:35 am
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LizzyTyler says...



Live

One day
there will come a darkness
One day
there will be a fall
But until then
I’ll laugh and I’ll cry
I’ll live a full life
And I’ll love
and I’ll morn
Above all
“your highness” is gender neutral


so if you are ever confused about my pronouns


that’l work


alternatively “your majesty”, “my liege”, and “supreme overlord”


*please note “your grace” is also acceptable
  





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105 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 33
Reviews: 105
Fri Apr 08, 2022 8:20 pm
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fatherfig says...



Spoiler! :
I like your poem 'live' most of all it really resonates.
"i dont slay i slaughter, luke i am your father..." ~fatherfig
  





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60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Mon Apr 11, 2022 12:12 am
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LizzyTyler says...



Four Seasons

The wind whistle through
The trees as they sleep
Silent leaves falling
Only to weep

The world lies still
With bated breath
Bones of trees reaching
Dark as a silhouette

Out of the cold
New life is born
Flowers into crowns
That are promptly adorned

And then comes the heat
Where old coats are shed
The cold traded in
For warmth instead

And this cycle
Shall go round and round
Through death and through life
It’ll always be around
“your highness” is gender neutral


so if you are ever confused about my pronouns


that’l work


alternatively “your majesty”, “my liege”, and “supreme overlord”


*please note “your grace” is also acceptable
  





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60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Tue Apr 12, 2022 1:04 pm
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LizzyTyler says...



It's a song too, if anyone wants to listen to that version as well:
https://voca.ro/1nQB7fTced9C

The Man in the Moon

The man in the moon
Is always a smile'n,
Through the clouds
And the rain,
Through the good times
And pain,

Do you think it gets lonely
Up there in the sky?
Do you think the smile'n face
Wants to break down and cry?

Do you think when he goes away
Is when he finally grieves?
Or do you think when his face is dark
Is when he's finally free?
“your highness” is gender neutral


so if you are ever confused about my pronouns


that’l work


alternatively “your majesty”, “my liege”, and “supreme overlord”


*please note “your grace” is also acceptable
  





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1227 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 144400
Reviews: 1227
Sat Apr 23, 2022 8:47 pm
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alliyah says...



WAIT A SECOND HOW DID I MISS THAT SONG VERSION!!

I love that you posted the sung version and I think the emotiveness especially of that last stanza / verse very much comes through in your singing - you've got a great voice and I really enjoyed how you delivered this; it seemed very heart-felt I'd say. Great job so far Lizzy, and good luck in the final NaPo Week! I hope to hear or read more of your work - and you posting your song makes me really want to post a song for NaPo now as well <.< I may have a few in the works.

Thank you again for sharing! All the best!
you should know i am a time traveler &
there is no season as achingly temporary as now
but i have promised to return
  





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60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Sun May 01, 2022 12:56 am
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LizzyTyler says...



TW: themes of death, manslaughter, and suicide. Viewer discretion advised.

Drunken Mistakes

Stop lights
Street signs,
a dark haze,
headlight glaze,
And stupid mistakes.

Screeching tires,
Yelling of the metal,
And a young girls cry,
Silenced by the shadows
Of a dead drunk driver

A crimson sun
Rises O’r the wreckage
And one prone child
Lies in an eternal sleep
Waiting for the dreams to come

Three recked soles
Two with broken pain
And one with
Endless guilt
Who will wast his life away
At the bottom of a bottle

Till he hangs a rope
High above the rafters
And he’ll meet her and fall
Down upon his knees
And he’ll beg her to
Forgive his sins
Like her parents never could

And she’ll place her hand
Down upon his head
And she’ll whisper
Words that’ll never be forgotten

I
Forgive
You
“your highness” is gender neutral


so if you are ever confused about my pronouns


that’l work


alternatively “your majesty”, “my liege”, and “supreme overlord”


*please note “your grace” is also acceptable
  





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935 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 2806
Reviews: 935
Sun May 01, 2022 3:53 am
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Shady says...



Happy NaPo Lizzy! WOW your poems were all super, super powerful this year -- great job! I particularly liked Achy-Breaky Bones, especially with your repetition in the first and last stanzas. Your imagery was *chef's kiss* and really made me feel the weight of the "thick wet cold" vibes of snow.

Also, your last poem is really, really good. I got literal shivers from it (and I do definitely appreciate the tw, so thank you for that <3). All-in-all, fantastic work! You absolutely crushed NaPo!!

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]
  








The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.
— Viktor Frankl