should've known better

i don’t want a prince
who’ll give me a kiss
as i lie dying choking on an apple

i don’t want a prince
who won’t even recognise me
without my glass slippers

i don’t want a prince
who’ll get hypnotised by someone else as i’m fighting
to keep myself from drowning as i sing

i don’t want a prince
who keeps pushing everything away
and turns everyone in a beast

i don’t want a prince
who’d rather ask a genie to help him
find love, instead of earning it

i don’t want a prince
who’d do everything to get him out of his misery,
leaves me kissing frogs for him while he escapes his own curse

i don’t want a prince
who’s not truthful and keeps lying
even as he’s cutting off my hair

i don’t want a prince
who’s not even a prince,
a con-man chasing crowns that aren’t his

- i want somebody
who’ll stay by my side
even if i’m not a princess

i like that you're
happy now
she's lovely,
but not like me

i’m made of broken pieces,
cold like falling rain
and she’s made of glass

you and i,
we used to be
something real,
(damn it was something real)

i still feel it
(you don’t, or do you?)

i said promise
you gave me a primrose
you said we’d be okay
then i let go

i wish i’d trusted you
but that’s the thing,
it’s too hard to give in,
when it's real

i smile when i see you
i say i'm fine
but i'm lying

why is it so hard for me
to tell you
that i need you?

i’m falling
(but you already knew that,
right?)

- promise primrose?

a love letter

i was going through a box that Luna gave me,
she said that everything that was in there,
was dad’s, the rest of his stuff was buried
by their father. i stumbled upon an old letter
you posted to dad back when things weren’t going well
damn mom, love letters? i didn’t know you had it in you
------
Will you listen even if I’m not right?
Will you write even if I leave you on blue?
Will you play even if you’re tired?

Will you count the stars with me even if I keep losing track?
Will you confess even if it was really my fault?
Will you call me even if it’s 3 AM?

Will you dance with me even if I have two left feet?
Will you eat even if my cooking is terrible?
Will you build me a house even if we can’t afford it?

Will you pray for me even if you don’t believe in the impossible?
Will you burn the world if I asked you to?
Will you stop time if I’m stuck in the past?

Will you keep trying even if I give up?
Will you talk to me if I’m lonely?
Will you cry if you see me losing it?

Will you carry me if I can’t walk?
Will you sing to me if I’m down?
Will you take me home if I can’t take it anymore?

Will you love me even if I’m starting to wither?
Will you kiss me even if I’m sick?
Will you catch me if I fall?

- Forever yours, Harper

honesty is an art

i am not crying
i wish i could be honest
i was just lying

when the light is too bright

sunglasses hide light
i claim to love the darkness
yet i miss the light

bittersweet baby

have you ever tried
understanding me or her
love is only stone

tattooed words

stop covering them
won’t you hear me out, my love
you’re the one i want

the one

in the fast night sky
i keep looking for the stars
you’re my morning star

it took some time

who would’ve thought that
i am on my way to you
unguarded my heart

swimming in the same waters

i thought you had changed
i’m still drowning, like before
that’s why i will leave

i am not ready
not ready to move on
move on, is not my motto
my motto is to break free
break free, like a caged bird
caged bird your singing is pretty
is pretty but sad
but sad, is all i can think about
think about me?
about me, i’m lost
i’m lost, lost to the wind
the wind is my capturer
my capturer is my past
my past is hauntingly beautiful
hauntingly beautiful is a tragedy
a tragedy is the story of my life
my life is not mine
not mine, never was
never was just yesterday
just yesterday? you say?
you say i’m pretty without sorrows
without sorrows, i don’t exist
don’t exist, you say, without me
without me, you wouldn’t even try
even try, try to try, love
try, love, i ignore my own advice
own advice can be a thorn
a thorn is what i wish to be
to be or not to be, that’s not a question
a question is when will i be free
be free, i ask
i ask my mother, my father, my grandmother, they art…
they art death,
art death my only friend then?

you gave me life,
then left before i could remember your voice
everyone says you were kind,
that you smiled like the sun does
but i never got to see it
not once

i only know you through stories
and old photos,
a face i barely see in mine

i hate you, for all you are to me
i have no relation to you,
even if my eyes say otherwise
you may be my mother by blood,
but you’ll never be my mother
by my choices and beliefs

you are the stranger whose blood runs in my veins,
you’re the echo in the room when i cried
and no one came

i’ve forgiven,
i’ve cried,
i’ve shouted,
i’ve broken
all only to earn your approval,
your love, mother

i’ve broken myself trying to make you proud,
trying to make you notice,
but you were never here

i’ve written you letters i never sent
my whole life, i’ve told myself
you’re nothing but a whisper of the past to me

and yet
i carry your name,
your face in the mirror

i don’t want to hate you,
but it hurts to know
that you left me,
oh so early

you missed my first steps,
my first fall,
my first heartbreak
you missed the moment i realised
i was motherless
long before you ever left

i’ve hated myself
for needing someone
who couldn’t stay

but who am i to blame you
for the reason that
you missed all my firsts

me: how could dad just give up his life without thinking?

Robert (my father’s dad): how can you think when it's not your life on the line?

me: why did dad hate you in the end?

Robert: you mean to ask, why didn’t he hate me?

me: why didn’t you love your daughter-in-law to be?

Robert: why did i forget how to love that sweet girl?

me: why was it so easy for you to move on?

Robert: why do you smile all the time? is it because your not hurting or because its gotten so easy to hide it?

me: why aren’t you talking to Luna anymore? she’s the only child you have left.

Robert: you mean to ask, how can she look you in the eye and not think about her brother and her best friend, your mother?

me: aren’t you lonely?

Robert: i’m surrounded by ghosts. i can’t even have moment to myself.

me: did you know that your late wife still loved her ex?

Robert: did you know that i still miss her?

me: were you aware that love could be this powerful?

Robert: were you aware that you are very lonely?

me: do you love me?

Robert: do you understand me?

- talking with Robert, my father’s father