Illusion

Hey everyone, this is just something I thought of. It is not much of a peom and it is very short. I'm really not sure what it is. (This is my second peice on YWS). Please it me know what you think. Enjoy...
This is just a peice that highlights what an illusion is to all differnt types of people. ________________________________________________________________________________


An illusion, what is it?
is it a trick,
is it a drink,
is it magic,
is it my eyes,
is it my mind,
is it my imagination,
is it an impression,
is it my life,
is it my world,
is it real?

or does it just seem to be?

I really like the concept of this one- nicely done. I would think about perhaps expanding the piece. As it is, it's quite repetitive, and really doesn't have much too it. I think that if you added onto it a bit more, it could be wonderful. Maybe not even expanding, but incorporating other tools of poetry.... include more of a voice, more imagery, emotion... all that stuff.

Nice job altogether though. Really really liked the concept. c:

-Coral-

Whoa. I really like this The idea is great and it's short and sweet. Ofcourse it's lacking of "poetic elements", if I may say it like this. But, I am a firm believer in defiying those rules. I believe anything can be poetry if there's a deeper meaning into it, and this, my friend, does, for me anyways It's like a question, repeating because you can't quite get it out of your mind and forget it.
Though, I can agree with Coral, I think you could add to it, do something more with it. It sure is a great start point. Or, you could keep it like that. You could go either way.

Keep writing!

-Truth-

Wow.
I've found another person who writes similar poetry to me. I love this types of poems as they get you thinking about life. Being repetative is fine, but try not to make it too long, or it will get boring.The amount you've written here is just fine. I've done one like this, and ended up covering 3 pages...oops for me.

An illusion, what is it?
is it a trick,
is it a drink,
is it magic,
is it my eyes,
is it my mind,
is it my imagination,
is it an impression,
is it my life,
is it my world,
is it real?

or does it just seem to be?

Maybe try to make

is

capitalized, and (This is my opinion) separate the first line.
I don't get one line out of the whole poem -

is it a drink?

You've got all the words to do with the mind's eye, however, drink just doesn't seem right with your list of words. I've highlighted it blue, so its up to you to remove it or not.

An illusion,
What is it?
Is it a trick,
Is it a drink,
Is it magic,
Is it my eyes,
Is it my mind,
Is it my imagination,
Is it an impression,
Is it my life,
Is it my world,
Is it real?

Or does it just seem to be?

Good work any way, I like the poem a lot

Fantasy

Interesting little poem. The idea is nice, and can definitely be lengthened. But if you want to keep the length as is, I'd say to capitalize a little, remove a bunch of the "is it"'s, and exchange some of the commas for semicolons, perhaps like so:

An illusion, what is it?
Is it a trick,
a drink,
magic;
Is it my eyes,
my mind;
Is it my imagination,
an impression;
Is it my life,
my world;
Is it real?

Or does it just seem to be?

Overall, a nice little idea and poem. =]

Hello!

For one, I really liked the uncapitalized style. If you did it any other why, I think it would look too annoying! At least for me. If it were capitalized, I know I would read it as being really fragmented, when I really like the continuation of thought.

I like the very last line. Because it sounds really wistful and at the same time, that's exactly what an illusion is. So yay!

Part of me wishes this were longer... but at the same time, I really love the simplicity of it all. So, really, a lovely piece.

Hey. First off, I want to say that I think that this is really good. I just thinks it needs to be expanded on. I think it being not capitalized is not bad, because it is a poem. It is a poem, and it is meant to be expressed your way. Some people have different views on formatting, but I think what you have done is fine. If you just expand on what you're saying, I think it would be a lot better. But this is good for one of your first posts.

Hey watchmeburn!

This is the first time I've ever reviewed any of your pieces so, before I begin, I would just like to warn you that I can be a bit harsh *evil laugh*

Now, I didn't quite like this "poem" if that's what it is. This is the first problem - wrong classification. It is not a poem, it should have been submitted into the Literary Misc. section Other. This section is where you submit things that don't fit into anything which I think this does. You can make it a poem; it really lacks any "poetic elements". You need to add some sort of imagery, emotion and it needs to be expanded on - give it more form.

Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. That's how many times I had to read "is it...". Quite annoying isn't it? That's why you should expand on it instead of asking these ever-growing, annoying, repetitive questions that have no answers.

Hope this helps and yes, this was a harsh review.

MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C.(please join)

Hello there, watch me burn!

This is going to be the first review I am going to give you. So please if ever you this this vague or harsh, I apologize in advance. Now, on to the review.

First of all, I don't think your repetition is that annoying. I mean, I know you have intended the format to be like that, so I think it's okay. However, just looking at the whole poem I definitely think you should lengthen this a bit more, because I feel like the concept is there but it totally feels so lacking. Perhaps let your readers draw into your character's thoughts- like making that illusion more obvious and do not only limit the poem with questions and confusions. It would only leave your readers confused about the important point of this piece. (Like for example, lead your readers to where your character is going. Don't only let us stay in one place, rather let us connect and be with your character as he walks through his journey.)

Second of all, this would have been really interesting to read if you maybe added some syllabic patterns. Although the neatness of this poem is noticeable but still, it would be too plain if you have only written about your character's thoughts without adding it with some poetic devices/techniques.

is it a trick,
is it a drink,

This is a good line actually. Both last words rhyme.

is it magic,
is it my eyes,
is it my mind,

However, if ever you're going the rhyming thing, then I would suggest to do it all over the poem, not just by two lines then to another stanza. Or else, it'll totally ruin the flow.


So, those are just my nitpicks. I won't say much since there have been a lot of good reviews before me. All in all, this definitely has potential. The concept is nice but like I sad earlier, making this longer probably make this more interesting.
Hope I helped and PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out!

~yuri

Hey watchmeburn, CaptianRandom here,
First of all welcome to YWS. Secondly, i thought this poem was good but i think it could be better, for me it went no where, what you should do is add more to it, you ask not answer, you dont exspress thing that you trying to get out for everyone to read. i hope you find my review helpful and i hope to read some more of your poems.

-CaptianRandom
Many Crystals with Many feelings

Hey everyone, thank-you sooo much for reviewing my work, I will take all you advise on board for my next poem (not that this one is much of a poem)!

Really this is what an illusion is to all different types of people.
Thanx for your help, (please keep reviewing it really helps)
watchmeburn... please follow me

Hey! Sorry I don't know a ton about poetry but I'll give it a shot

watchmeburn wrote:An illusion, what is it?

None of the other lines have breaks in the middle like a comma so I think if you broke this into two lines it would go with the rest of the piece better.

I liked the progression of things. Drink and magic don't seem to go with the rest of the things as well. Keep them if you want though. But I like how it goes from something small like eyes and ends with the world and questioning if it's real or not. And the last line with the break like that gives emphasis and is thought provoking.
Nice job
Sorry if it wasn't super helpful :/

Well I cannot really correct anything because everyone beat me to it! *Shakes hand furiously at previous reviewers* But I can tell you what I think of it!

Like I said on your wall, my concept for poetry is down the drain and whenever we end up doing it at school, I fail miserably. And I haven't read one peice of poetry in my life - except for now and a few other times on YWS - but I will endeavour to do this right!

How can I put this...That was the awesomest poem I have seen so far. Of course you can drink it! Just shove the illusion right down your throat! It won't hurt...

CAUTION: Chocking may be caused if you drink Illusion.

You should keep going. I would really like to see more of your poetry peices, I might even start writing myself! Psh, nah, that'll never happen. I can even write a song. Well I can, but it's not a good one. I once wrote one about my lunch box...

But anyway, this was definitely different from what I have read so far and I definitely enjoyed it.

~Apple.

Not bad, but you could do so much to expand on it. You really kind of ran through a brainstorm of "is it this?" but never really gave us time to contemplate that thing before you pulled us to the next. Maybe you should focus more on things and give us more depth and understanding of what you mean.

How interesting!
It's quite short, yes, but for some reason I feel like I'm taken aback.
It's kind of like I'm thirsty, but because of the repition I'm almost convinced it's something else. Perhaps Hunger?
Either way, I liked it bunches!
-The Written Chef