Young Writers Society

This is going to be the last part of this novel that I put on YWS, I don't want to end up posting the entire thing on here now, do I? Although, if I've written a chapter that I'm not to keen on, I'll definitely post it here for you guys' advice! If you need them, the rest of the chapters are in the 'possible related items' link thingy. There's probably a load of mistakes here because I wrote this at two o clock in the morning when I couldn't sleep... Like usual, I don't like this much. I'm too much of a perfectionist. Anyway, be as harsh as you like!

Can You See Me? Chapter One

Can You See Me? Chapter Two ~ Part One
Can You See Me? Chapter Two ~ Part Two
Can You See Me? Chapter Three
Can You See Me? Chapter Four

Can You See Me? Chapter Five
Can You See Me? Chapter Six ~ Part One

I hadn’t gotten it wrong when I judged Victoria Applegate’s personality; she was quiet. In fact, she was more than quiet. She had an eerie silence to her. We were supposed to be working on molecules, or something like that. I wasn’t sure, I was never really one to listen, or care, when it came to school. Victoria clearly didn’t understand the partner concept to the work; she was doing it all herself. Although, I didn’t mind it really because it meant less work for me. I was just copying what she wrote.
As Victoria scribbled down one of the answers, I took a closer look at her. I hadn’t noticed this before, but she kind of looked like Annabel, just with blue eyes. She had dark hair like Annabel, except Victoria’s fell just below her shoulders in loose curls.
As I observed her, I noticed that she had very unique eyes. On the outside, they were a deep, dark blue but the nearer they got to her pupil, the lighter they became. One thing I knew for sure, though, was that each blue shade was as impressively stunning. Wow, I was really beginning to sound like a girl now.
Still staring, I turned my attention slightly lower down. Below her small nose and below her thin lips until I reached her chest. That was when I remembered why I liked being a guy so much. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad having to work with Victoria Applegate after all... Max, stop being a fricking pervert, I thought to myself. As I continued to stare, I realised that it was a lot harder thought than done. Just turn away, you creep.
Before I actually had the chance to turn away, I heard a soft, quiet voice.
“Um... are you okay?” Victoria said so quietly, I was surprised I even heard her.
“What?” I replied, finally concentrating on her face. “Uh, yeah. Sorry. I... uh... yeah.”
Wow. I really knew how to make an idiot out of myself. As I felt my cheeks redden, Victoria crossed her arms so that they were covering her chest. Prick.
I wanted to say something to her, considering I’d just made a prat of myself. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t some weird pervert, that was Jax’s job. He had some serious issues with staring aimlessly at guys, he even stared at me sometimes.
“So, Applegate huh? Where did that name come from?” Out of all of the things I could have said, I’d said that. Maybe it would have been best to just shut up?
“Don’t know,” she mumbled.
Wow, you really are a ladies man. No wonder you’ve had some many hot girlfriends. I thought to myself sarcastically.
It was definitely best for me to ignore Victoria from now on. Luckily, that was a pretty easy thing to do; it wasn’t like she was a fan of in depth conversations. As the lesson dragged on, my eyes wondered. I really did hate classrooms, they always looked so bland, even with walls full of colourful work. The Science classroom was no exception. The walls were painted a dirty white and the decorations were just as plain.
Bored of the simply decorated classroom, my attention returned to Victoria. It didn’t take long for my eyes to find themselves, once again, on her chest. I couldn’t help it; they were big.
“For God’s sake! Stop looking!” I heard a screechy voice scream in my ear.
“Shit!” I said, a little too loudly, making a few heads turn.
Well, at least my eyes weren’t fixated on Victoria’s chest anymore. Instead, I was looking in front of me to see a slim, dark haired woman. She didn’t look very happy, not by a long shot.
“You men are all the same! It’s disgusting! Quite frankly, I’ve had enough. When will you learn that there is more to a woman than her bre-” The woman suddenly paused, her eyes wide. “Wait, you can see me?”
No shit Sherlock, I chuckled to myself. To be honest, I wasn’t really listening to what she was saying; I was just impressed that she called me a man.
Suddenly, the woman was sitting in the stool beside me, her eyes glimmering with hope. Her long brown hair was tied back into a perfect ponytail, and on her thin legs she wore a pair of tattered jeans. She was wearing what looked like a navy blue t-shirt, and no; I didn’t look at her breasts.
As she scanned me with her light hazel eyes, I realised how stupid I had just been. I really wasn’t in the mood to speak to some dead chick, not today anyway. Maybe I could just pretend that I didn’t see her? It couldn’t be that hard to do.
“Look, you have to help me!” The woman pleaded, the same way every other dead guy and girl I ever met did. “I don’t know what to do.”
I closed my eyes for a few seconds; it was my only effort in trying to ignore her. As I opened my eyes, I was about to say something to Victoria. Surprisingly, she said something to me.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Yeah,” I muttered, shutting my eyes.
That was a lie.
I must have sat there for about fifteen minutes with some annoying woman screaming in my ear. The more she shouted, the harder I found it to believe that no one else could hear her. She had a voice like a blooming fog horn.
“I know you can see me!” The woman appeared in front of me again. She looked at me up and down before speaking again. “Fine! I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way!”
I was about to ask her what she meant by ‘the hard way’ when all of a sudden, my head felt painfully heavy like a medicine ball; and I thought a hangover was bad.
As the seconds dragged on, the pain became worse. After a measly minute, it felt as though I was going to throw up. The woman was still in front of me, her eyes blazing. I had no idea what she was doing – or how she was doing it – but I didn’t like it, that was for sure.
“Hey?” I heard Victoria’s soft voice above the pain. “Seriously...? Are you okay?”
I didn’t answer her this time, I couldn’t answer her. My head was killing me and I felt too weak to even try and speak.
“I’ll get Sir,” Victoria said.
“No!” I managed to say.
I didn’t want to draw any attention, not when there was some dead chick glaring at me as if I’d just punched her.
“Sir!” Victoria spoke loudly. Well, it was loud for her anyway.
I tried to tell Victoria to be quiet, but I couldn’t even do that now. I heard her call the teacher again as sudden exhaustion swept over my body.
“Help me!” the woman shouted in my face.
Help her? I couldn’t even think straight right now, let alone help some obnoxious spirit.
“That’s it!” she hissed.
As she spoke, the pain was suddenly replaced by a numbness. The seconds dragged on even longer and the world around felt as though it had more or less stopped.
I couldn’t help but let my eyelids slowly drop as my breathing became heavy. I heard the muffled noise of Victoria calling for the teacher once more, it was actually quite loud this time. Shutting my eyes, I could still see the face of the woman in my head as clear as glass. Managing to flicker my eyelids open for a few brief seconds, I saw it again; the woman’s face. Surprisingly, she almost looked concerned, apologetic even.
That was the last thing I saw because seconds later, I had lost consciousness; completely.


Thanks in advance for any reviews!

xoxo Skins

Hi Skins. HEre to review on request.I would mark anything I like with mauve and my comments would go in bold, as usual. Corrections in red.

I hadn’t gotten it wrong when I judged Victoria Applegate’s personality; she was quiet. In fact, she was more than quiet. She had an eerie silence to her.I liked the phrase usage. We were supposed to be working on molecules, or something like that. I wasn’t sure, I was never really one to who listened, or care, when it came to school. Victoria clearly didn’t understand the partner concept to the work; she was doing it all herself. Although, I didn’t mind it really because it meant less work for me. I was just copying what she wrote.

As Victoria scribbled down one of the answers, I took a closer look at her. I hadn’t noticed this before, but she kind of looked like Annabel, just with blue eyes. She had dark hair like Annabel, except Victoria’s fell just below her shoulders in loose curls.

As I observed her, I noticed that she had very unique eyes. On the outside, they were a deep, dark blue but the nearer they got to her pupil, the lighter they became. One thing I knew for sure, though, was that each blue shade was as uniquelyYou've been using unique word so much. Try to put something else. I was going to suggest 'differently' but then I didn't quite like it stunning. Wow, I was really beginning to sound like a girl now.

Still staring, I turned my attention slightly lower downaway Lower down would sound better if it were for the gaze or sound. You can also try: darted away my attention from her. Below her small nose and below her thin lips until I reached her chest. That was when I remembered why I liked being a guy so much. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad having to work with Victoria Applegate after all... Max, stop being a fricking pervert, I thought to myself. Bad GUY! As I continued to stare, I realised that it was a lot harder thought than done. Just turn away, you creep. He knows what he is!

Before I actually had the chance to turn away, I heard a soft, quiet voice.

“Um... are you okay?” Victoria said so quietly, I was surprised I even heard her.

“What?” I replied, finally concentrating on her face. “Uh, yeah. Sorry. I... uh... yeah.”

Wow. I really knew how to make an idiot out of myself.I can't stop laughing. As I felt my cheeks redden, Victoria crossed her arms so that they were covering her chest. Prick.

I wanted to say something to her, considering I’d just made a prat of myself. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t some weird pervert, that was Jax’s job. He had some serious issues with staring aimlessly at guys, he even stared at me sometimes.

“So, Applegate, huh? Where did that name come from?” Out of all of the things I could have said, I’d said that. Maybe it would have been best to just shut up?

“Don’t know,” she mumbled.

Wow, you really are a ladies' man. No wonder you’ve had some many hot girlfriends, I thought to myself sarcastically.

It was definitely best for me to ignore Victoria from now on. Luckily, that was a pretty easy thing to do; it wasn’t like she was a fan of in depth conversations. As the lesson dragged on, my eyes wondered. I really did hate classrooms, they always looked so bland, even with walls full of colourful work. The Science classroom was no exception. The walls were painted a dirty white and the decorations were just as plain.

Bored of the simply decorated classroom, my attention returned to Victoria. It didn’t take long for my attention to once again be on her chest. I couldn’t help it; they were big.

“For God’s sake! Stop looking!” I heard a screechy voice scream in my ear.

“Shit!” I said a little too loudly, making a few heads turn.

Well, at least my eyes weren’t fixated on Victoria’s chest anymore. Instead, I was looking in front of me to see a slim, dark haired woman. She didn’t look very happy, not by a long shot.

“You men are all the same! It’s disgusting! Quite frankly, I’ve had enough. When will you learn that there is more to a woman than her bre-” The woman suddenly paused, her eyes wide. “Wait, you can see me?”

No shit Sherlock, I chuckled to myself. To be honest, I wasn’t really listening to what she was saying; I was just impressed that she called me a man. Desperate to be a man!

Suddenly, the woman was satThese two words have been repeated a lot in your story and sorry to say they're big blunder. They don't look nice to me, atleast. Try was sitting! Its not like someone made her sit there, or kept her there. in the stool beside me, her eyes glimmering with hope. Her long brown hair was tied back into a perfect ponytail and on her thin legs she wore a pair of tattered jeans. She was wearing what looked like a navy blue t-shirt, and no; I didn’t look at her breasts.

As she scanned me with her light hazel eyes, I realised how stupid I had just been. I really wasn’t in the mood to speak to some dead chick, not today anyway. Maybe I could just pretend that I didn’t see her? It couldn’t be that hard to do.

“Look, you have to help me!” The woman pleaded, the same way every other dead guy and girl I ever met did. “I don’t know what to do.”

Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I tried my best to ignore her. As I opened my eyes, I was about to say something to Victoria. Surprisingly, she said something to me.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked, narrowing her eyes.

“Yeah,” I muttered, shutting my eyes.

That was a lie.

I must have sat there for about fifteen minutes with some annoying woman screaming in my ear. The more she shouted, the harder I found it to believe that no one else could hear her. She had a voice like a blooming fog horn. Nice!

“I know you can see me!” The woman appeared in front of me again. She looked at me up and down before speaking again. “Fine! I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way!”

I was about to ask her what she meant by ‘the hard way’ when all of a sudden, my head felt painfully heavy; and I thought a hangover was bad.

As the seconds dragged on, the pain became worse. After a measly minute, it felt as though I was going to throw up. The woman was still in front of me, her eyes blazing. I had no idea what she was doing – or how she was doing it – but I didn’t like it, that was for sure. Such an evil sis!

“Hey?” I heard Victoria’s soft voice above the pain. “Seriously...? Are you okay?”

I didn’t answer her this time, I couldn’t answer her. My head was killing me and I felt too weak to even try and speak.

“I’ll get Sir,” Victoria said.

“No!” I managed to say.

I didn’t want to draw any attention, not when there was some dead chick glaring at me as if I’d just punched her.

“Sir!” Victoria spoke loudly. Well, it was loud for her anyway.

I tried to tell Victoria to be quiet, but I couldn’t even do that now. I heard her call the teacher again as sudden exhaustion swept over my body.

“Help me!” The woman shouted in my face.

Help her? I couldn’t even think straight right now, let alone help some obnoxious spirit.

“That’s it!” She hissed.

As she spoke, the pain was suddenly replaced by a numbness. The seconds dragged on even longer and the world around felt as though it had more or less stopped.

I couldn’t help but let my eyelids slowly drop as my breathing became heavy. I heard the muffled noise of Victoria calling for the teacher once more, it was actually quite loud this time. Shutting my eyes, I could still see the face of the woman in my head as clear as glass. Managing to flicker my eyelids open for a few brief seconds, I saw it again; the woman’s face. Surprisingly, she almost looked concerned, apologetic even.

That was the last thing I saw because seconds later, I had lost consciousness; completely. Nice cliffhanger!

I love your writing dear. That's just so amazing. You use so much of sarcasm that I literally fall down out of my chair(though I sit on the bed while reading this ). i like how you show this man as a complete bad guy-a typical one with no feelings or kindness for others to show. I liked how you interpreted how he looked at Victoria's bre-.

The other thing i liked is that how you didn't take Annabel's name directly and referred her to as a woman but still made it very clear that she was Annabel. That's quietr creative.

As I have told you before also, please don't stop posting your work here at YWS. You're not at all crowding this place. We are loving reading every bit of it.


Now if we come to problems, which is only one. In the beginning, when you started posting this work, I had observed a lot of issues with your commas. but then after my posting you a link, you improved a lot. But then I again observed the comma issue, maybe because you wrote this at two o' clock in the morning!

Mistakes apart, I loved reading your story and please don't stop posting, my humble request to you!

Flying off for now!

Chapter 1

It wasn’t fair. What had I done wrong? Did I upset her? I felt so confused.

Redundant; repetitive. It already sounds like he's confused, there's no reason for you to tell us it.

This was a great opener. It was so interesting, amazing! I really liked the way you introduced, started the story. It was such a clean and interesting grabbing prologue. Great job.

Chapter 2

So I really like the first chapter. And I like most of this chapter. I like Anabel, and she barely talks. She’s just one of those characters you love instantly, you know?
What I mean about liking most of this is that in this chapter… Max is so annoying. He’s unbelievable annoying. He says “She’s so immature, so annoying” about his sister all the time. He whines to his mother about his cell phone even though he knows that she’s stressing. I mean I realize that you probably meant for him to do those things for a reason, but it’s just overly annoying that I can’t focus on the story. I focus mainly on how much I am beginning to despise your MC. And that’s definitely not a good thing.
Please make him less whiny.

Chapter 2 part 2

Wow. Did not see that coming. You did a very good job at building up to that. I liked how you kept it a secret until the end. I kept me wanting to read more. Good job on this chapter. Max is less annoying.

I do wish that Annabel had had a larger part in this. She is such an interesting character. I do, also, hope that you soon mention why Annabel sticks with Max. That would be nice to know.

Oh, and like another reviewer said, this is a big random jump. In the first part of this chapter, could you at least mention him going to school? Or that he is now at school? As of now, it seems confusing and random. It shouldn’t be too hard to do, and is only to clear things up a bit.

Chapter 3

Hmm, this was interesting. When you revealed he was sixteen I was like ‘Whaa?!?!’ because he acts like a small child. He acts like he’s twelve of thirteen. I don’t know if you meant for him to act so immature, but whatever.

Yes! Annabel was in here! I love her so much.

Oh and Sara. It’s so sad that she doesn’t seem sad at all. Why was she all happy? Why are you making it seem like Max is the only one who cares about the death? Hmm…
Oh and in the first chapter wasn’t mum feeding another baby child, or did I just get mixed up? If he does have another sibling, make sure to mention it.

Chapter 4

I don’t know what you’re talking about not liking this chapter. By far this was your best one. Your characters all seemed to flow well together. The only part I didn’t like about it was, of course, no Annabel, but what can you do about that, eh? Good chapter.

Chapter 5

It was just gone seven o clock. Sighing heavily, I lifted myself out of my bed.

I have no idea what this means.

No voices from people who weren’t there, no dead older sisters.

Wait who’s the dead older sister?

“Of course sister dear. And I feel fine.” I lied.

I am utterly and positively confused. I thought his siter was Sara? When did his sister become Anabel? And what happened to Sara, by the way?

So this was very confusing for me, as you can see. I’m really not sure what’s going on anymore. If you could clear those things up in this chapter, it would be great.

Chapter 6 part 1

I am very confused about your MC. One minute he acts like a five year old, the next he acts like a teenager, and now he’s acting like an old man who hates gay people. Something is very messed up with him. I like it, but it makes me wonder if you will be able to keep his mood swings stable.

I hope you will further explain why Jax isn’t talking to him.


Chapter 6 part 2

Goodness your writing improved so much in this chapter! He actually sounded like a guy! Instead of a girl!

That Victoria figure, she’s annoying. I’m wondering what you mean by ‘help me,’ and it’s ironic because I just wrote a story like this. It’s about children who didn’t get to live their life fully going to the afterlife yada yada yada.

So anyways, I finally reached this chapter!

I really like your story, and I hope you do keep on posting, or at least writing this. I feel like you are just now beginning to get a feel of your characters and all of their roles in the story, which is a really really good thing.

My only concern is all the confusion I mentioned above. Some things just don’t make sense to me, and I hope you can go back and clear them up or at least clear them up later.
Very interesting story. I’m jealous you thought of this concept because it would be so much fun to write about. I think that since your main focus, it being related to the title and all, seems to be the spirits, you should have more on them. Instead you keep moving the story forward, which is good, and you are keeping a good pace, but sooner or later you are going to have to make the spirits your main concept. And by this point (it seems about 1/3 the way through the novel?) readers should have a clear understanding of the spirits and why they are spirits, before you can move on to the next part.
Don’t give up on this! It’s really good.

Classy

Thanks a bunch for the reviews guys!

Chapter 2

So I really like the first chapter. And I like most of this chapter. I like Anabel, and she barely talks. She’s just one of those characters you love instantly, you know?
What I mean about liking most of this is that in this chapter… Max is so annoying. He’s unbelievable annoying. He says “She’s so immature, so annoying” about his sister all the time. He whines to his mother about his cell phone even though he knows that she’s stressing. I mean I realize that you probably meant for him to do those things for a reason, but it’s just overly annoying that I can’t focus on the story. I focus mainly on how much I am beginning to despise your MC. And that’s definitely not a good thing.
Please make him less whiny.

This chapter is actually the old version. I didn't like it, so it isn't in the story any more. The sister's called Lisa and there isn't a baby brother now. I should really delete that post, actually...

Oh and in the first chapter wasn’t mum feeding another baby child, or did I just get mixed up? If he does have another sibling, make sure to mention it.

See above.

Wait who’s the dead older sister?

That would be Annabel

My only concern is all the confusion I mentioned above. Some things just don’t make sense to me, and I hope you can go back and clear them up or at least clear them up later.

I completely agree with you on this, I'm trying to sort it out!


Thanks again!

xoxo Skins

Hey there Skins!

All right well I've just went through all of your chapters (I'd already read the first two) and I must say, I really like them! You've got a great story here! I think you should really keep posting your chapters on YWS, even though you think it would be bothersome! I really want to read the rest!!!

I'm not going to go through mistakes and all, because I think everyone else pretty much went over it all. So good chapter!

Still staring, I turned my attention slightly lower down. Below her small nose and below her thin lips until I reached her chest. That was when I remembered why I liked being a guy so much. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad having to work with Victoria Applegate after all... Max, stop being a fricking pervert, I thought to myself. As I continued to stare, I realised that it was a lot harder thought than done. Just turn away, you creep.

I can certainly empathize. You were spot-on with this.

The science classroom was no exception.

I don't think science needs to be capitalized.

“Help me!” the woman shouted in my face.

“That’s it!” she hissed.

I think you know what this is for.

I. Absolutely. Love. This. Chapter. Amazing.

You did a really good job portraying the spirit. I literally wanted to punch her. Seriously. ANd I'll bet that was your intention. Good job.

ANd there weren't many mistakes in this, I pointed out all the ones I could find. Good job.

Hey Skins! So it's pretty much been nitpicked pretty well, so I won't repeat what's already been said. The one thing I thought was a little strange was that so far the only examples of him being able to see ghosts you've shown us is his sister. So when you said

The woman pleaded, the same way every other dead guy and girl I ever met did.

I thought that was a little odd. Maybe show us a few more examples?

Hello!
Okay,so I read everything you wrote until now, every single chapter, and I have to say I find it pretty interesting . You have a good story going there, you should definitely keep it up!

Now, about this chapter, I've seen that everyone else has pretty much ripped it apart, and told you what to do. However, I thought I'd at least tell about some of the things I liked. Okay, here we go:

Skins wrote:Suddenly, the woman was sitting in the stool beside me, her eyes glimmering with hope.

----> I liked how you described her eyes with the word 'glimmering', even if it may seem a bit overused to some.

Skins wrote:Help her? I couldn’t even think straight right now, let alone help some obnoxious spirit.

----> This was a good sentence, because it brought realism into your story, in the sense that people tend to feel very crabby when they're experiencing pain.

Skins wrote:Shutting my eyes, I could still see the face of the woman in my head as clear as glass.

----> I really liked the simile that you used here.

Skins wrote:Surprisingly, she almost looked concerned, apologetic even.

----> I'm glad you said this, because this final sentence made her seem at least a bit positive, and before that I'd been lead to believe she's very spoiled and doesn't like it when she doesn't get things her way, and might even be evil, but the fact that she looked concerned proved to me that she was actually probably a nice person.

Anyway, good job! And I hope that you keep on posting on YWS, because I'm actually really into the story now =)

P.S. If you didn't find this review helpful, I'm really sorry, but it's six o'clock in the morning where I live. On a Weekend

Unless I'm mistaken, Shubbi, that wasn't Annabel he was referring to. Why would she be surprised that he can see her; Annabel already knows he can...

Skins, great chapter once again. please, keep posting. Some people post almost twice a day and we don't have time to follow their stories. You did it a regular rate and everyone of us follows your story perfectly.

Please, keep writing, your fans are waiting for the next chapter
Tanya

Hey Skins!
I'm here to review this peice for you... <--(Hehe, it RHYMES!)

“Help me!” the woman shouted in my face.

You closed the ending off, so 'the' should have a capital T. I'm probably not making any sense what so ever but that no one can help.

The woman pleaded, the same way every other dead guy and girl I ever met did.

I just found this sentence absolutely hilarious! I really liked the way you wrote it, and am still laughing whenever I glance at it.

She looked me up and down before speaking again.

I would say that you might need an 'at' between looked & me, but then as I read over it I find that it still makes a whole load of sense. So I'm leaving the deciding up to you sister-I just watched a show where they calling everyone sister...

Suddenly, the woman in the stool beside me

Ehhhh you forgot a word. There should be a 'sat' inbetween woman & in. Then it makes the sentence flow a little more---SISTER! <--(Just joking, I'm in a very bubbly mood.)

On an overall status, I would have to say this is very very very good. I like the way you used similies to cast a picture within our (the readers) head. I would like to say your grammar was almost ACE, except for those few mistakes and a missing commar here and there; it was ace.

CYA Apple...

PS. Sister.

Hey Skins, I'm here!

Here are my nitpicks:

Wow, you really are a ladies man. No wonder you’ve had some many hot girlfriends, I thought to myself sarcastically.

Bored of the simply decorated classroom, my attention returned to Victoria. It didn’t take long for my eyes to find themselves, once again, on her chest. I put that there as an example, because you had used the word “attention” twice (and not on purpose.)

“Shit!” I said, a little too loudly, making a few heads turn.

Her long brown hair was tied back into a perfect ponytail, and on her thin legs she wore a pair of tattered jeans.

Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I tried my best to ignore her.

^
I don’t like this. Something like this would be better:

I closed my eyes for a few seconds; it was my only effort in trying to ignore her. What else could I do?

See, then he looks stubborn. Muahahaha.

I must have sat there for about fifteen minutes with that annoying woman screaming in my ear.

I was about to ask her what she meant by ‘the hard way’ when, all of a sudden, my head felt painfully heavy like a medicine ball; and I thought a hangover was bad.

I just though the medicine ball sounded cool there.

Great job, Skins! Just watch those commas, and you’ll be fine.
-Madz

Review 6.2

Nooo that can't be the last part! *Sigh* I guess it can't be helped.

Maxxie is a pervert now? Haha, that made me laugh so hard.

In all honesty, I can't really find anything to criticise here. So, overall, this story is awesome! I'm not sure whether it's how you've been editing or when you've been writing, but it does seem that your most rushed work, or work that you've written at... 2am?? Those are the best as far as writing is concerned.

Don't forget though, if you stop letting others criticise your work it's easy to slip backwards, so keep posting stuff and applying that to further chapters. Good luck with the rest of the novel And if you ever decide to post the next chapter let me know!

Hope all this helps
-Ten

Just wanted to say, I absolutely adore this. The idea of someone being able to see ghosts isn't a new one, but you pull it off brilliantly. I like the way alchohol negates the "sixth sense" - very interesting.

And I like your writing stlye too - very understandable.

So, if you decide to post any more pieces of this, please, let me know! It's like with every other brilliant story I read.

1st, I want to read more.
2nd, I read it again.
3rd, I think about how it could become an awesome movie.

Keep it up!