Corrupt A Wish [4]

Granted, but like all poets you die from an extremely rare and aggressive intestinal worm. Your dying words are: I was a fraud.
Sadly, everyone agrees with you and your work falls from its revered state into being the laughing stock of poetry. Unbeknownst to the poets however, your poems were actually works of pure genius, but is only respected as such by a single small hedgehog.

I wish for a big house.
I know what you're thinking, don't you dare burn it down, I'm warning you.

Granted! Tragically, your big house already has people in it. Big ones. With, uh, horns. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but they also breath fire. Fortunately, your house is fireproof! Unfortunately, you are not and they're not very happy that you want to live in their house, despite the ample room. So you can run or you can be beat up and lit on fire. Wow, that went a little over the top, didn't it?

I wish that tomorrow and forever more I will wake up HAPPILY. With no more moaning or complaining or not remembering anything that happens before 7:00 a.m.

Granted, I wish I was every day so happy as today!

I wish that no one or nothing could bring me down

Granted! You turn into a sentient helium balloon.

I wish my flatmate would get off his butt and do some tidying.

Granted, but he becomes obsessed with cleanliness and covers everything in plastic.
I wish epic music played whenever I entered the room.

Granted, but the definition of 'epic music' was defined by a five-year old and 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' is a favorite.

I wish I could see Dear Evan Hansen.

Granted, but you forget the whole thing afterwards.
I wish I could erase all my bad memories.

Granted, but apparently you had some very important information stored in with your bad memories that could have prevented the next war. You now can't, because those memories were erased. Someday the world will burn because you erased your memories.

I wish that I never had to do homework and still got good grades.

Granted, but when you leave school you find it impossible to get a job because you don't work hard.
I wish I could record my dreams and watch them as movies with my family and friends.

Granted, but every single dream shows up. Even the most embarrassing and terrifying ones.

I wish I could write good stories ;-;

Granted, but you can't use paper. You must chisel your stories into stone.

I wish it was warmer inside my house.

Granted, your house turns into a giant oven.
I wish I had the motivation to do stuff.

Granted, but you don't have the capabilities to do stuff. Any stuff that you want to do. I'll leave you with the ability to keep yourself alive. You're welcome.

I wish I had a TARDIS and managed not to punch a hole in space and time or create a paradox or damage time in any other way.

Granted. Now the TARDIS can't time travel at all.

I wish I could take a nap.

Granted, but you were secretly Sleeping Beauty all along, and this is the Grimm's Fairy Tale version of events, none of that Disney fluff.

I wish I would spend less time on the internet.