Funny Insults

"What was that? I don't speak idiot."

"I don't believe in you, so according to philosophy you don't exist."

If i was your teacher i would staple a burger king application to your language test you illiterate imbecile

eh heh, hey fartknocker, eh heh heh.

How clever of you not to dress up too much.

I regret to inform you that simply because you look like Einstein, it doesn't mean you're intelligent.

I swear by God above and all that is holy that I will rip out your putrid bowels from the inside out, rip out your jugular, and feed your entrails to the crows.

You are not worth the expense you cause in terms of wear and tear of the pavement as you walk on it.

Screw you

Your limited vocabulary only serves to mirror your intelligence, my dear.

Yo Mama's so fat that her pant size is "bi*ch loose some weight!", not to mention the fact that Al Gore recently discovered that she is the cause of global warming after tracing back to her.

This isn't necessarily an insult, it's more of a good comeback to a pick up line.
"Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"When you fell from heaven."
"Are you implying I'm Satan?"

you are Satan, tk.

That reminds me of this one-

"You made me more religious. I wasn't sure that Hell existed until I met you."

I watched some I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue where the did some pick up put downs...

"That dress would look lovely crumpled on a bedroom floor..."
"As would you."

"Your legs must be tired from running through my mind all night."
"Yes, it was lovely, all those wide open spaces."

"Your dad must have been a king to make a princess like you."
"Your dad must have been a pancake chef to make a tosser like you."

"Is that a ladder in your stocking or a stairway to heaven?"
"The latter, but I already have one arsehole up there."