"Kill" the person above you!

You ate the poisonous kelp you were offered by Ariel the mermaid

You began to write one day and realized you could not stop and died shortly thereafter, deprived of food and water, with sheets of paper before your desk and a pen in your clammy hand.

Do to your troubled childhood, you became involved in local gangs. This gang was then taken over by the Russian Mafia. You prospered in the mafia, rising quickly through the ranks, but then the leader of the mafia was arrested. This power vacuum resulted in an internal mafia war, which you thought best to stay out of. Due to your neutrality, your authority actually improved as more and more high-ranking mafia members were killed by each other. Finally, people begin to realize your pacifism for the threat it really is. The inner mafia circle conspires against you, raiding Area 51. They release the aliens within, and, as payment, the aliens direct a meteor at you. You are crushed. You die.

Feltrix the chicken failed to avoid the lasers.

@Sparkawan challenged a chicken to a duel, not realizing that they were indestructible. He was killed one quarter of a heart at a time by a mob of chickens.

Feltrix choked on the trix cereal and suffocated.

I am strictly a crispy hexagons eater. Kelpies got decapitated by the Queen of Hearts. Boring, I know, but that wasn't the end. Kelpies lived for a long time as a disembodied head, but eventually people forgot to feed Kelpies. Kelpies managed to propel herself out of her jar by pushing herself with her chin, but then fell off of the table. Interestingly enough, Kelpies' table was located on a cloud. She proceeded to plummet through the sky before being caught and eaten by an osprey.

When you obtained your title as part-time Lord of Darkness, you did not realize this invited the evils of the world to slowly enter in and possess your soul. The weight was so heavy, and the burden too much to bear, you collapsed one day, overflowing with darkness and evil grasping your heart so tightly, it could do nothing but explode, leaving you crying in pain and agony.
The End.

Spoiler

you're weird

You were transformed into a flower and then someone cut your stem and put you in a jar. You were alright but then they left for vacation and the lazy housekeeper forgot to water you and you died.

You were stabbed in the side by a Jedi while executing Order 66, but you had no idea they were executing that order because your comm-unit was dead.

You went to Las Vegas, and played poker. A gang boss showed up and accused you of being a cheetah (Get it? Cheetah? HAHAHAHA... Kill me). You calmly explained to him that you were only half cheetah, but he failed to see how that was relevant. He shot you, and was then arrested for poaching because cheetahs are a vulnerable species, and his hunting license had expired anyway.

I snap my fingers and force the atoms in you body to vibrate, the speed increasing exponentially until friction sets you ablaze, melting you immediately.

After witnessing your godlike power, I deduct you must be possessed by some demon, making you do these horrible things. I successfully exercise you, but your body couldn't handle the stress of the demon leaving, and you die because of it.

You died of shock when pigs flew.

You try to take a nice picture, but the flash blinds you. Because you can't see, you walk into the middle of the road and get run over by a bus.