My Best Friend

They say when you love someone,
You've got to let them go.
If they come back,
they're yours, no?

I let you go,
Painful as it was,
My darling,
I let you go.

I'm only sixteen,
but your my forever.
I didnt want to ruin it,
I couldn't bare to lose it.

You broke my heart today though kid,
In your blue suit, your eyes wide.
So much feeling, too much to say.
I felt so lost, so weak, so bare, no place to hide.

My best friend,
Yet we can't even speak.
Too much was happened,
we hit our peak.

I realised today,
Standing in the rain.
I can't stand to lose you.
I wont take that pain.

I feel you slipping though,
slipping right through my fingers.
Please please dont go.
Just stay, dont leave, linger.

I think I'll always love you
but I knew I couldn't stay.
You see my friend, he wanted me too
And he had the guts to say!

You are my heart,
the essence of my soul.
The one who'l always know me through and through,
The one who's heart I stole.

So please understand,
You are my best friend.

They say when you love someone,
You've got to let them go.
If they come back,
they're yours, no?

The rhyme of 'go' and 'no' feels a little forced. You don't have a consistent rhythm or rhyming pattern, so you don't need to force a rhyme here.

I'm only sixteen,
but your #FF0000 ">you're my forever.
I didnt #FF0000 ">didn't want to ruin it,
I couldn't bare to lose it.

I wouldn't bother mentioning your age. If you want people to believe that you're capable of mature, lasting love, then write with a mature voice, don't explicitly say 'I'm young but I can still love', that makes you seem childish.

My best friend,
Yet we can't even speak.
Too much was happened,
we hit our peak.

This rhyme seems forced too. Don't worry about rhyming and just say what you want to say.

You are my heart,
the essence of my soul.
The one who'l #FF0000 ">who'll always know me through and through,
The one who's heart I stole.

This verse is quite nice. Perhaps a little cliched, but still good. I especially like the last line. It's a change from the mood of the rest of your poem, and a little twist is always good.

So please understand,
You are my best friend.

This is a weak ending. The previous verse is a lot stronger. If I were you I'd get rid of these two lines all together. You don't need them, they just repeat what they rest of the poem said, and the line before would be a much stronger ending.


Hope this helps!
Keep writing!

-pigeon

Hey! So, some things that I liked and didn't like. What I liked was how much feeling you put into this piece, you could definitely feel the emotion that just drips from the words. What I didn't like was how it did feel kind-of forced at times with the rhyming, just like how the last review said, and also about saying how you're only sixteen, but you can still love. Besides that, I thought the poem was great!
Keep up the great work!!
Dee

Alright so you have what appears to be a very nice structure. The beginning of something interesting. The first step. Everyone and everything needs that step first and foremost so before I get into this, you are on the right track.

But what I found to be a little bit too forward.

Poetry is the extension of ones soul. Its taking emotions in which we all feel, channeling them, then using them in poetic and original form using devices such as metaphor and simile.

What you have is the rawest part of poetry. The emotion before its channeled.

Unfortunately, because its unrefined emotion towards a subject that has often been done before, this feels more like a rant then it does a piece of poetry. There is no real imagery or metaphor. Its simply you stating all the things that hurt, then explaining how you wish otherwise which is, to be completely honest with you, more like a blog post than a piece of poetry.

So what I want you to do is to take this, put it on paper, then brainstorm. Brainstorm objects or situations that can be relevant and make a parallel so that this isn't merely just you stating what you want us to see. Structure will come later. Rhyming will come later. All the things you were trying really hard to achieve with this will all come when you are ready, but for now just work on your poetic devices. If you can do that, you'll start making some interesting and beautiful poetry.

~Walker

Hi Kattie!

A couple things struck me when I was reading your poem! For one, there is a mention of love and losing someone through disinterest (or at least that's the impression that I got from it!). Then you had the mention of this person, your ex-lover, presumably, being your best friend. However, in the poem you gave us no clues as to why this person was your best friend in the first place! In fact, the relationship seems a little... strange to me. I mean, your best friend wouldn't reduce you to begging for his company. That wouldn't be a friend... that would be an abusive relationship. So, I was thinking... instead of writing something that sounds desperate, why not remind him of the more pleasanter aspects of your relationship? Were there any key moments between each other that you can use to remind him that, though you may not be boyfriend/girlfriend you can at least stay friends because your friendship is so strong? By relating these in more storytelling forms, this may make the poem more powerful, friendly, and less desperate.

Also, because I am annoying... a grammatical comment!

I'm only sixteen,
but your my forever. <-- "your" should be "you're"
I didnt want to ruin it, <-- "didnt" should be "didn't"
I couldn't bare to lose it. <-- "bare" implies that you are naked. Use "bear" instead!

Hope that helps!

I thought it was cute, you really did a good job of making us feel for the characters. i liked the feel of hoping , but not hopeful, if that makes sense. i didn't really understand what was going on, but it still was very cute. you did a good job with the flow of the words. i don't think i saw any spelling mistakes, so all in all, good job!
Keep writing!