When men cry...

Different words are feminine and masculine. Okay. So how do you describe a man who cries/weeps/sobs in a masculine way?

Apparently with difficulty.

How would you describe a man who is crying?

Well it would depend if it was an angry cry... or a purely sad one. It has to come from the expression of his face, his movement, how buff his body is ... I don't know, I am about to make one of my tough guys cry... and yeah... not working out for me too *walks next to Snoink*

I've been trying to figure out how I would write it, but I honestly can't figure it out. I don't think I've ever written a male character that would actually cry in public. I guess that's kind of because it scares me so much to see guy's cry.

And by that, I don't mean that watching Frodo at the end of The Fellowship of the Ring made me scream and run from the room. I mean that I generally view guys as protectors and the ones that I have actually seen cry in real life are the ones that are closest to me. Seeing them cry frightened me, because I didn't really want to know what kind of terrible happening would make my protectors break down into tears. It scared me.

Also, the number of times that I have actually seen a guy cry are terribly limited. The males in my family tend to become angry rather than sad (and angry rather than hurt as well). Other than that, I saw my ex cry a few times but most of the time I was crying at those times too, so I wasn't exactly focused on watching HIM.

In other words, I have no idea. I'm wracking my brain here to come up with an answer so that this post isn't pointless.

Probably, I would have one character suddenly realize that he was crying and not even bother with something like "he began to weep". It may not be the best way, but it's all I'm coming up with.

To be honest, I had a split second answer to this, but then I thought about it. That is a tricky subject. I guess it may be true that men don't cry very often. Well, if crying just isn't coming natural at all for a particular male character, maybe find other ways. Anger could be one course, as Duskglimmer mentined. Or, maybe he could just go mentally numb, unable to really handle it. It's hard to explain, but you could show grief and sadness without shedding a single tear. Heck, I've got a scene going (though currently unwritten) where the lead character completly breaks down with grief, but doesn't cry. Other than that, the only advice I can give is to do what feels and sounds natural for the character. Just don't be afraid to have a grown man cry.

You have certainly found a heck of a writting dilema.

Different words are feminine and masculine. Okay. So how do you describe a man who cries/weeps/sobs in a masculine way?

Apparently with difficulty.

How would you describe a man who is crying?

Question, before I voice my opinion. Snoink, are you trying to find a way to describe a man crying in a general way or describing a masculine ('tough guy') man crying? Just wondering which is it?

That is tough. I'd just say that he wept or something like that. I don't know really I haven't ever had to describe that in any of my writing. Or really read about it much either. I'd just go by the weeping thing.

Since guys would almost always INSIST that they don't "cry," I would suggest describing the presence of tears on his cheeks, in his eyes, etc, rather than saying he was bawling like a baby.

It's like...he's not crying, there are just tears and he is sad.

Not being able to cry because you're worried about not being manly enough would be a pretty pathetic way to live. Depending on your character type, the guy can cry just like anyone - man or women - would normally cry; or, he can be a tough idiot, in which case you'd have him trying pretty hard to control himself, but not quite being able to.

Blah... I'm so impatient, lol. I'll voice my opinion anyway. I have an uncle who's the most sensitive person I've ever met. Like literally, he'll attempt to hold back tears but they come anyway.

I've also watched/studied/observed what have you (*shrugs* It's a habit of mine. I watch people automatically. Don't know why.) friends or family crying. Not everyone expresses grief the same way.

How would you describe a man who is crying?

How about how to express a man just grieving? Crying is the alternative, if he can't help but shed tears.

For a few minuscule examples:

The general man grieving:

First, no person cries outright or instantly. At least I've never seen any. The very first things that would probably be going through their head, and this depends on your character and the situation, would be either shock, dismay, denial or confusion or the combinations.

Of course, the obvious would be observing tears drop, but there are other factors sometimes overlooked. As someone stated a person; man, woman or a child, can be grieving but not crying

On the surface, the person could be moaning or grunting. Their breathing might be irregular because when you are trying to fight tears, your throat becomes scratchy and taut. The person may have this 'far away' look in their eyes, as if they were staring off into space. Other signs could be their nostrils crinkle or their lips twitch frequently. An obvious sigh would be observing their eyes. (I'm a firm believer that you can tell a lot about a person just from their eyes. The person may be good at hiding raw emotions physically but they can't through their pupils) Occasionally, you may notice their pupils have this 'glazed' opaque look. Like glass was just placed over their eyes. Usually when that happens, it's because tears already have emerged but the person is still fighting them, so it gives off a glazed appearance over the pupils. The glazed appearance is especially weird when that person has blue eyes. It's like they magnify or give off an icy look.

Other less noticeable signs could be sweat dripping, or 'boogers' escaping from their nostrils. Their cheeks may become flushed or color may have disappeared all together, leaving a ghostly appearance.

Sometimes, like me because I'm too curious for my own good, I'll lean in and press an ear against that person's chest because watching anyone grieve for extend amounts is bothersome to me. Other obvious signs if I had a an ear pressed against their chest, is rattling, snorts or their heart accelerating at a quick pace.

One of my characters is very sensitive, so I had to really remember all that, to properly convey his (Welcome) emotions without going too overboard. So, in a nutshell, I had to use personal experience,

I don't know if I succeeded by helping you out Snoink but it was fun writing this up anyway. I may have to return to my own advice and use it as further reference, lol.

Enjoy all.

Thanks fishr, that is an excellent tip,

Welcome.

fishr wrote:Question, before I voice my opinion. Snoink, are you trying to find a way to describe a man crying in a general way or describing a masculine ('tough guy') man crying? Just wondering which is it?

First of all, this character is as drunk. Which makes even more fun to write.

And yes, it is a masculine character. At least, I would consider him masuline. He would be Sadie's father.

Anyway, thanks for the tips.

I was going to suggest something like what someone else said, where you describe the tears. The guys I've seen cry tend to also be very very angry. Probably pretty angry that they gave in to the tears on top of all the other angry stuff.

I've seen my brother cry when he gets really really worked up arguing with someone else in the family. Usually he's yelling at the same time, and then stalks out.

I've seen this guy cry at school when he was picked on and teased all the time. He was pretty angry too. Throwing things and so forth.

I've seen a few guys try not to cry. Like, their eyes go all red and a little watery and they go all quiet and the next thing you know they've found some excuse to walk off.

So ... I don't know about sad crying. Tears is probably the way to go. And they would probably be trying to hide that they're crying, except that depends on character and also if they're drunk.

Guys can't express emotions without destroying something. Everyone knows this.

Incandescence wrote:Guys can't express emotions without destroying something. Everyone knows this.

An overgeneralization at its finest.

I never said the character didn't destroy anything. But can't he be crying while he destroys it?