Which is better?

This has to do with my story, Shadow, of which there are many versions. The actual stories are generally the same. Only the first 2 paragraphs have been changed, so I ask you, which is better?

Original

He could smell the fear on the child, from his vantage point on the roof, as it walked down the alley. It was a heady smell, full of the promise of death. Silently shifting position he began to stalk his prey, delighting in its oblivious nature and anticipating the moment, the feeling of tearing it to pieces. Just the thought made him salivate, causing his pointed sharp teeth to gleam in the night.

Hearing the child's heart beat increase frantically, he smiled as he knew it had sensed him. It would know something was wrong, sense it with the instinct all prey were endowed with...yes, the child knew it was being hunted. He watched intently as the child approached a crossroads in the dark, twisted maze of alleys that it had mistakenly entered and gotten lost in.

Revised Edition:

Darkness crawled over the twinkling city, overcast by a turbulent mass of clouds. Shadow looked up; it was a good night for killing he thought. Lightning flickered above, revealing him as he stood atop a ramshackle building, peering down. The heady smell of fear wafted up, exciting him, making him drool. The source of his excitement walked on, oblivious. Shifting silently, he began to stalk the child.

The child's heartbeat increased frantically, making him smile. The boy was now aware of him. As if acknowledging this the little boy looked around fearfully. He watched intently as the boy approached a crossroads in the dark, twisted maze of alleys that he had entered and got lost in.

Second is better.

Yep! Second is better.

I gotta say I liked the first one better. It was more spontaneous- no offense, but the second one kind of has a studied sense to it, as though you were trying to polish it up, make it sound flashy. To me, the first one is more raw - and you need that, I think, given the topic etc. The first one has a sense of menace that the second one lacks. There are a few problems, of course, but overall I liked the original version better.

By your request, my thoughts:

Have to say, in all honesty, I like the second one better but that's just me. If you like your original piece better, by all means continue with it. After all, you're objective is to improve but on the same level; have fun with your writing. Just remember, someone will always critique it, no matter which route you take.

That being said, take a guess how many times I've revised Bound for Glory? At least fourteen times! And I know I'll have to go back and edit it all over again. There's no such thing as a perfect story because there is always a way to improve it. Again, if you're honestly more satisfied with the original then it might be best for you to continue with it because that's where your interest lies.

Good luck with Shadow. He's a very mysterious character and I'd like to know more about his past and what the heck he is, lol.

I dont even know anymore. I'll see what happens, it could change. I agree with bubblewrapped about the menacing aspect of the original...but Im not concrete on this...*sigh*, it could go either way I spose.

Tell me, is this correct, I mean, does it sound right? Do you guys/gals like it:

The child's heartbeat increased frantically, making him smile. The boy was now aware of him. The child walked stiffly, staring straight ahead, not daring to look about for fear of actually finding something to justify his terror. He watched intently as the boy approached a crossroads in the dark, twisted maze of alleys that he had entered and gotten lost in.

in my opinion that doesnt sound right becuase i tihnk the boy would probably have bolted, scared beyond his wits, and tried to look every which way to cover himself. (im around children a lot AND thats what i would probably do, lol)

Consider the fact that the "child" isnt actually a child but something else entirely. Tha would apply in the case of a normal little boy/girl but not in this instance. I ment, does this sound right grammatically, and is it a good description of how you feel sometimes, when your imagination runs a little wild, in freaky situations.