My Guardian Dog 5 - Rewritten

Spoiler

Ok. Sorry, there are supposed to be thoughts in italics and such but my laptop hates me today. So I can't make them work. Thanks for your help with reviews!

Chapter 5

“Is Travis your father?” I asked Riley who was still holding my hand. It was warm and calloused and for a moment I wondered if it had gotten that way by physical labour or . . . by padding around as a dog.
“No. Why would you think that?”
“Well, my parents seem to know your father and they know Travis and I thought that . . .”
“Your thought process is excellent,” Riley chuckled. “But Travis is what we call a Portal. He transports people from our world to here. He had been friends with your parents before they left all those years ago.”
I nodded, thinking of what he said. It was shocking to realise that my parents had had a different life completely before me. They said I was born there, in Rydon, and I believe them because why would they lie? But . . .
Riley squeezed my hand slightly and I stopped, turned to him. It was a warm night and the moon was making its way slowly into the sky; not quite whole yet but shedding quite a lot of light on this confusing night. My gaze locked with Riley’s, his brown eyes strangely familiar. Of course, I knew those eyes, knew them because they belonged to the dog who had kept me safe these past months. But during those nights, there hadn’t been a beautiful smile to accompany those eyes. The dog, although big, had reached up to my waist; he hadn’t towered over me. Riley –human- was as big a man as he was a dog. He was wide and tall and well muscled. He looked hard, and dangerous but his eyes and hands were soft.
Images of my guardian dog kept imposing themselves over the man who kept my hand warm and I felt the overwhelming urge to hug him, to hold him close. To thank him for having been a friend to me at night. To express my appreciation in ways more eloquent than even words. I took a step toward him and our bodies were only a breath away. He smelt musky and very male. He inhaled sharply and his nostrils flared. Was that a man’s reaction to a woman? Or a dog’s to a bitch in heat?
The clearing of a throat slammed us back to reality more sharply than a slap would have. We both turned to face my father who stood there, arms crossed over his powerful chest, an eyebrow raised. “You two ready to go?”
My first reaction was to say no. I didn’t want to go, didn’t want to leave all that was familiar in my life. But I sensed in my father the same wonder and anticipation I had seen in my mother’s eyes earlier and I found myself nodding. “Sure, let’s go.”
Travis said, “Okay, everyone in the car.”
“You’ll transport all of us plus the car, Travis?” My mother looked alarmed. “Isn’t that too much?”
Travis chuckled. “I’ve grown in twenty years, Cassandra. Don’t worry, everything will be alright.”
She didn’t look convinced but she climbed in the car, backseat with Riley and I. My father sat up in front with Travis. My father didn’t start the car; he turned and studied Travis who had his eyes closed and was frowning in concentration.
I turned to my mother to ask her how we were supposed to get to Rydon but she shook her head and gestured to Travis with her chin. Okay, I got the message; he needed to remain focused. Riley leaned toward me and I shivered when I felt his hot breath on my ear. “Just hold my hand and you’ll be fine. Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt.”
If I cocked my head just a little, I’d be leaning on his shoulder. Every single nerve in my body demanded I do just that. My blood was pounding so hard it was a wonder no one could hear it. To me, it sounded like Niagara Falls. I shivered again as I felt more than heard Riley inhale deeply, his nose tracing a path from my neck to my ear.
My breath hitched. He was making me feel things . . . Things I’d never felt before. I felt my neck arch, as if it had a mind of its own, reaching for him, for his touch. I felt tiny goose bumps where his nose had touched the sensitive flesh of my neck. Warmth spread in my tummy and my hands were suddenly clammy. I felt my nipples harden, straining the thick fabric of my shirt. His hand was gripping mine hard and my hand seemed to revel in the roughness of it.
“We’re here.”
I gasped and Riley pulled back, a twinkle in his eyes. Had he done that to distract me?
I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or kick someone while I tried to control my raging hormones. I glared at Riley then ruined the effect by bursting with laughter. Travis, my mom and my dad turned to us but we shook our heads and clambered out of the car. Even if I didn’t like change, I was curious to see where I had been born. It might make an excellent setting for the next book I would be working on. I looked around excitedly and noticed . . . Blur. Everything was blurry, foggy. “Hey! What’s wrong with this land? It looks . . . Fuzzy.”
My mother chuckled and rounded the car. She reached for me and pulled the glasses from my face. “Hey! Mom, you know I can’t see . . .” I blinked. The sun was rising over the land and its yellowish glow lit the world. For as far as I could see, everything looked dead; what trees there were had gnarled branches, like the arthritic fingers of old folk. The grass was yellow and sickly, there was no blooming flowers, no greenery whatsoever. The land looked dead, desolate. But it looked beautiful to me because I could see everything! Everything without my glasses!
The land became blurry again but this time it was caused by my tears. “Mom . . .?”
“As I was saying, sweetie, we are Royal Magicals. We are essentially pure magic and our bodies heal quite naturally. If you chip a tooth in your life, your body will take care of growing it back for you. If you cut yourself, or break a leg, skin your knee or lose a nail, any small detail will be healed. You cannot grow back a limb; it would take too much of your energy but repairing your eyesight falls in the category of minor details.”
Without my glasses, I could see my mother’s wide smile and I cried. I’d worn my glasses since I was ten years old and my eyesight had never stabilised. The doctors tested me yearly to make sure I didn’t have some kind of rare eye disease but they never found anything.
My father came up behind my mother. “You have no idea how much it hurt us to see you so blind when you naturally should have been able to heal. We’re very sorry honey.”
I nodded, wiping the tears from my eyes with my free hand. Riley was still holding my other. I gently disentangled myself from him and I walked straight into my parents’ outstretched arms. They hugged me tightly, hugged me for all the lies and the non-truths, hugged me for all they were worth. I wasn’t angry at them for hiding my real identity, really I wasn’t. How could I be? I didn’t know the specifics of what had happened but I knew my parents. Knew they were good, caring people who loved me deeply.
Arms around each other’s waist, we turned and studied the scenery.
“What happened here?” I heard the tremor in my mom’s voice and I turned to her. Her expression was one of complete shock.
“The RM’s have almost all disappeared, Cassandra. That’s why we’d been looking for you.”
“RM’s?” I asked.
“Royal Magicals,” Riley answered. “It’s the abbreviation that was given to them years ago when saying the whole title became too tiresome.”
“Oh. This isn’t what the land is supposed to look like?”
“God, no! It was once beautiful. The trees blossomed all year long; there were meadows full of thousands of flowers. It was enchanting, it was serene. And now . . .”
“Everything is gone,” my father whispered. He released my waist and pulled my mother to him, hugging her tight.
A thought occurred to me; when I’d head back home after all this was settled, I wouldn’t have to continue with my secret life. My true identity was now out in the open and I could quit my job and live off my writing. A wide smile spread across my face, stretching my lips to their fullest capacity. I felt a giddy laugh bubble inside me but I slammed a lid on it; my parents would not appreciate my thoughts right now.
I noticed Travis was leaning on the car and I realised he was using it for support; his shoulders were slumped and his knees were bent as if carrying the weight of the world on them.
“Dad?” I said softly. He turned to me and I gestured to Travis with my chin. My father headed for Travis, helped him around the car and got him in the front seat. I could hear Travis’s sigh of relief from several feet away.
We all piled back into the car, my dad started it and said, “Where to now?”
“Castle Kimera,” Travis said weakly. “It’s where all the RM’s have shacked up.”
Riley leaned forward. “Do you remember where it is, Logan?”
My father nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “I think so. I’ll head in the direction I think, if I’m wrong tell me, okay?”
“Sure.”
Riley leaned back.
“If my real name is Shayna, and I assume my mom’s is Cassandra, why do you call my father Logan? It sounds nothing like Gabriel.” I had asked Riley but my mom answered.
“His name is Logan Gabriel Cambridge. Gabriel is a middle name that he hadn’t used in a very long time and he decided to take it up when we went to the other realm.”
“What is that other realm called?” I asked curiously. After all, it was my realm. “Earth?”
“Not quite. That’s the planet’s name and we are on the same planet. Only, it’s a different reality, if you will. We call the other realm ‘Terra’.”
I frowned. “But ‘Terre’ is earth in French. Any connection with Terra?”
My mother smiled. “No, there isn’t. Terra was named after Lord Rydon’s daughter. He named it so because Rydon and the other realm cannot live without one another. They are so intertwined that if one dies, the other will also die. He said that the connection between the two reminded him of his love for his only child, Terra. And so it was named.”
“Huh, that’s actually sweet. So who is Lord Rydon?”
My father’s eyes caught my own in the rear view mirror. “Harvey Rydon was the creator of this land. In this realm, he is considered what God is in the other. The maker of all.”
“So how did that work? Was Rydon here first, or was Terra?”
“Both, we think. The theory is that God and Rydon worked together to build this Earth and the trees and everything else. Then they each went their separate ways to create both realms. Only, something happened to it and the realms are like conjoined twins. One will die if the other does and vice-versa.”
“But. . . That doesn’t make sense. This land looks dead. Our world looks . . .”
“You think Terra is any better, sweetie?” My mother’s eyes were very wise at this moment. “Think of what you hear on the news everyday, of what you read in the newspapers you get at work. Think about the fact that although you were locked in your store all night, you still needed the protection of a dog. Think of the wars, the bombings, the earthquakes and the hurricanes. They may be ‘natural’ but they are directly linked to the death of this land.”
I gasped. “It’s true! Things just keep getting worse for this world with every passing year. The seasons have gone haywire; raining when it’s supposed to snow, snow storms in late spring. The frequent earthquakes, everything works! But . .. There’s nothing we can do about it?”
My eyes were wide as I searched my mother’s eyes. My father answered, “We as Terrans, no, but as Royal Magicals, yes.” I could here the pride in his voice and it made me smile. I didn’t know this side of my parents. They didn’t sound quite as boring when they spoke like this. They were proud and regal and confident.
We arrived at a fork in the road and my father asked Riley, “It’s right, isn’t it?”
Riley smiled. “Yes it is. You have an excellent memory.”
My father beamed and turned right. The inside of the car fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts. My father was concentrating on the road and Travis appeared to be asleep, his limp head jerking around as my father drove. My mother kept glancing from outside, to my father and then to me. What was she thinking? Did she regret not telling me about my past? Was she glad to be ‘home’ even if it no longer looked like the place she left years ago? Was she wondering how I’d react to this realm? To the change?
I glanced at Riley who was leaning against the head rest, eyes closed. I didn’t believe for one second that he was actually sleeping. The Riley I knew might appear to be resting but he was up and alert the second he heard a suspicious noise. As if feeling my stare and hearing my thoughts, Riley opened his eyes lazily, winked and smiled, then closed them again.
I felt a smile tugging at my lips and a blush creeping up my cheeks. I turned my gaze out my window so my mom wouldn’t notice the effect Riley had on me. As I stared at the passing scenery, I raised my hand to push back my glasses. Force of habit. When my hand met only air, I froze. I would never again have to clean or push back my glasses. Never have to grope for them during the night when I wake up and head to the bathroom. I wouldn’t have to keep monster-sized alarm clocks by my bedside to allow me to see without coming an inch to the glowing digitals. I wondered what would happen when I would return home. Would I need my glasses or were my eyes completely healed? If they weren’t, at least I got to spend some time seeing the world as it really was, without the distortion of inch-thick lenses.
I felt tears of gratitude fill my eyes and as I lifted my hand to wipe the tears, I froze. In the reflection of the window, a face suddenly superimposed over mine. Dark hair and green eyes that seemed to stare right at me. When I squinted, trying to bring the face into focus, the image disappeared and I shook my head. My new eyesight was apparently playing tricks on me.
Trying to keep my mind on something other than my eyes, I focused on the landscape. Try as I might, I couldn’t find anything to redeem the dreary land. It was cold, lifeless and unwelcoming. Now, more than ever, I missed my home in the woods. With its deep greens and colourful leaves, in every season it was truly a sight to behold.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” I murmured. I straightened when I made out what seemed to be a small village a few hundred feet away. I was going to point it out to my family but something was off about it. I squinted my eyes, straining to see . . . something. But I couldn’t; there weren’t any children playing or adults hanging around. There was no smoke in the chimneys, no animals sniffing around.
“It was abandoned a few months ago,” Riley said leaning closer to me. “This is one of the last villages to have joined the rest of us at Kimera.”
“What do you mean?” I turned to him and held my breath when I discovered just how close to me he was. A heartbeat away.
He slowly leaned back, away from me. “Like your father said earlier, this realm is attached to Terra and over the centuries, both have evolved. Terra has advanced in a technological way and Rydon has evolved magically. This land needs its magic to survive and it is a hard life when the magic is gone. Since the Royal Magicals began getting killed these past decades, the people of this land have fought long and hard to enhance their magical abilities and help those in need but it was pointless. One after the other they left their villages and headed for Kimera where they could have as much safety as was possible.”
I frowned as I thought about what he’d just said. Then, “But I don’t understand -”
“Shanna, look,” my mother said and pointed.
I looked up through the windshield and gasped. In front of us loomed a ginormous stone castle with towers and turrets and even a huge wooden bridge that lowered as we approached, giving us access to inside the courtyard. It was all straight out of a medieval book or movie! Educational, of course. Yes, everything looked perfectly medieval . . . Except for the small fact that the castle was pink. And not a shy pink either; it was a very bold, vibrant shade of pink.
I felt my jaw drop. “What in the world . . .”
I heard Travis chuckle and I turned to him. He was blinking repeatedly and rubbing his eyes. “I wasn’t sure if my eyes were deceiving me or not until I heard Shanna expressing her bewilderment.” He winked at me then glanced back at the castle. “Ah! I see that today the castle actually looks like one.”
“Looks like one? Are you kidding me?” I sputtered.
We pulled to a stop and clambered out of the car. I craned my neck to get a better view of the castle and was appalled to discover that flowers had been painted on the surface. Who would spend hours painting the stone walls of a castle? Someone who had nothing to do, that was obvious. Wasn’t a castle supposed to protect the inhabitants? Wasn’t it supposed to be dark and forbidding? Who would take this castle or its defenders seriously if they had to camp out in front of here and watch this pretty castle every day.
Then again, maybe the attackers laughed so hard when they saw this fortress that they busted a gut laughing, then died. Suddenly, I had to look at this unique fort in a different light.
By the grins on my car-mates’ faces, I had to assume this was nothing new to them. But what had Travis meant when he’d said that today it looked like a castle? Hmm . . .
I realised abruptly that there was no noise in the courtyard. No bird chirping or dog yapping, no children chattering or adults talking. Was the courtyard empty? I shielded my eyes against the glaring sun and turned to see where we had come in from. I hadn’t noticed anyone there –I mean can you blame me? I couldn’t unglue my eyes from all that pink! – but now I saw hundreds of people standing there, completely still, with eyes wide and mouths gaping.
They were all obviously in shock. Had they just noticed the castle? No, I realised, they weren’t staring at the castle, they were staring at all five of us. I glanced down at myself, then behind me; I burst out laughing. I was still wearing my pyjama and my father’s huge black bathrobe that reached to the ground. Riley was wearing jeans and a t-shirt that looked snug on him, even though my father and him were pretty much the same size. My parents were wearing matching pyjamas, a short and t-shirt outfit I had bought them a few Christmases ago. Travis was dressed simply in a black shirt and pants.
Realising the reason for my hilarity, the four others also began laughing until they were almost as hysterical as I was. Soon, my laughter became sobs and I wasn’t sure why I felt so out of control. Then again, I had found out just a few hours ago that my guard dog was actually a man and that my whole life was a lie. If that wasn’t enough, I was suddenly in another realm I hadn’t even known existed, I was standing in front of a pink castle and I was being stared at by hundreds of people. Right, I had no idea why I was freaking out.

Hey there! Sorry this took a while to get to, I was trying to catch myself up
Nitpicks first, as always:

borntobeawriter wrote:They said I was born there, in Rydon, and I believed them because why would they lie?

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think this should be in the past tense. Also, I'm not overally thrilled by the second half of this sentence. If I were you I'd removed the 'because' and just put in a period. But thats my opinion speaking there!

borntobeawriter wrote:but shedding quite a lot of light on this confusing night.

I think this reads slightly oddly due to the rhyming words, maybe find a different way of saying it?

borntobeawriter wrote:“Royal Magicals,” Riley answered. “It’s the abbreviation that was given to them years ago when saying the whole title became too tiresome.”

I'm just being awkward here but I don't like the way Riley explains the abbreviation. Personally, I think it sounds better as: "Royal Magicals," Riley answered.
You could put something on the end but I don't feel he needs to explain it.
That's it for nitpicks! There may be more but I haven't found them
I noticed that you haven't changed much since the first version so there isn't a lot for me to comment on in that area. As usual, love the chapter and can't wait for the next one!
Keep typing

Hey Mum! Here for a review (finally!).

This chapter doesn't seem much different from the original version, and there's no need for it to; it melds really well with the previous chapter (both in this new version and in the old), so once again I'm very pleased! You also did a great job explaining the history of Terra and Rydon and the facts about magic and healing without making it feel like an info-dump; it's not easy and I'm always impressed when people write informational scenes without loading the reader with a ton of confusing history.

In the reflection of the window, a face suddenly superimposed over mine. Dark hair and green eyes that seemed to stare right at me. When I squinted, trying to bring the face into focus, the image disappeared and I shook my head.

Eee I don't remember this part! Scott?

I guess the only little nitpick I have is the part with the castle -- I got the impression that they pulled up in front of it, staring at the pink walls. Did they then go into the courtyard? If so, shouldn't they have gone through the gates, over the drawbridge, whatever else? For a safehouse, no matter what shape it takes on, it would need defenses and guards, right?

That's really not much of an issue, but I had to say something besides praise. Great job again, Mum! Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Okay! The beginning of this sounded like a crappy romance novel, lol. I shall demonstrate!

He looked hard, and dangerous but his eyes and hands were soft.

He looked hard? Also, you said before that his hands were rough and then you say they are soft? Make up your mind!

The clearing of a throat slammed us back to reality more sharply than a slap would have. We both turned to face my father who stood there, arms crossed over his powerful chest, an eyebrow raised. “You two ready to go?”

Of course!

He was making me feel things . . . Things I’d never felt before.

I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS SENTENCE BEFORE EVER, ZOMG.

I felt my nipples harden, straining the thick fabric of my shirt.

OF COURSE.

Er, yeah. I am being too snarky, lol. In truth, I do like crappy romance novels. Really, I do! I spent today reading a fantasy story that ended up having these sorts of descriptions, hardened and all. BUT. I think you can do better here! For one, you can make it less, "I fall in love with you!" and more resistance! After all, why should she trust him? Tease us with their relationship! It'll make us care so much more about it!

I gasped. “It’s true! Things just keep getting worse for this world with every passing year. The seasons have gone haywire; raining when it’s supposed to snow, snow storms in late spring. The frequent earthquakes, everything works! But . .. There’s nothing we can do about it?”

Maybe I'm just a paranoid bastard, but I would be like, "Um... yeah. Right. Are you sure you're not just making this up?"

ANYWAY. I read it all. So. This means Chapter 6 is next. EDIT FASTER.

I'M ACTUALLY HERE. OMG. INORITE?!

I'm beyond late getting to this, but I really hope you won't shred my face off because of that. If you'd like to do so though, let me know because you totally have the right to.

This was a really cool chapter, Tanya. I found it really interesting to find out some more stuff about the whole different realms thing. It was good because it was nice and showy and not the slightest bit telly. It didn't seem like you were piling the information on us or anything. Instead, you gave it to us in little bits until we knew enough to understand what was going on and such. So yeah, awesome job on that! I like that we're getting to know Shanna's parents too. We didn't really see them much at the beginning of this novel, which was understandable of course, so it's interesting to find out what kind of people they are.

My first critique is kind of... I don't know, more of a passing comment really. This is probably just me and my whacked up self, but I found Shanna's reactions to her not needing glasses anymore kind of weird. She was in a completely new world, she'd just been through a great deal of stuff, but the one thing that seemed to get her emotional was the fact that she didn't need her glasses anymore. I guess the glasses could have been more of a... hmmm.. more of a cover, I guess, and in reality, it was the whole new realm, being attacked thing that got her emotional. I don't think that made any sense whatsover... err, I hope you kind of understand what I meant.

I guess having to wear such thick glasses for so long, but then not needing them at all could be emotional. I mean, I wouldn't know because I haven't always needed glasses or anything, whereas I know that you do. Taking that into account, you'll know an awful lot more about what it's like to constantly have to wear glasses and junk, so I won't get all whiny about this and be judgemental or anything. Basically, you can probably ignore everything I've said... I just thought I better mention it because it's something I noticed, you know?

I apologise if that was just a waste of time.

Anyways, the only other thing I have to say is actually sort of something Snoink brought up. I agree that there's quite a big romance feel in this chapter, or at least quite a few attraction vibes. It's clear that Shanna has a bit of a thing for Riley--I did assume that she would when I found out he was actually human (kind of, anyway). I see what Snoink means when she says about the whole crappy romance novel atmosphere, but I think the reason this feels a bit like that is because their relationship is a bit too much, too soon. You could argue that Shann and Riley have technically known each other for months because he's been with her as a dog, but then again, you could argue that that's a reason why them being so close all of a sudden is a bit odd.

I'm not Shanna, so I'd obviously react differently, but if I were her, I'd still be weirded out by the fact that Riley was, like, a dog a short while ago. I'd struggle to see him as insanely attractive this soon because the fact that he's been a dog for the past few months would be lingering in my mind. I can understand why she trusts him a lot because he's been protecting her for ages as a dog, but Shanna just seems a bit too full on right now with her attraction to Riley. Although Shanna was showing signs of liking him in that way in the past chapter or two, it seems to have ballooned quite a bit in this one. Kind of like on a level from 1-10 of attraction, it's suddenly gone from 3 to 8 or something. I guess what I'm saying is that it would be good to maybe make it all a bit more subtle.

Sorry I haven't been much help here, Tanya. >.< That's what I get for not reviewing properly in, like, weeks, eh? Overall, I really do love this novel so far. It's really original and from your spelling and grammar to your pacing, it's all great. That's probably why muy review sucks so badly. You're too good.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

TANYAAAAA! It feels like I haven't spoken to you in ages! How have you been? Ummm...wellllll....sorry for taking so long to get to this! I've been boycotting YWS in aid of my exams, (although, if I'd have known how they were gonna go, I wouldn't have bothered :/). So on that happy note, let's get into this. (;

...But I really have nothing to add (on both of the chapters). D: Well, trival thing number one: wouldn't Shanna have lots more questions for Riley about his being a dog? If it were me I'd probably be sitting with my hands folded under my chin asking one after the other for hours Can you talk as a dog? Does it hurt when you change into one? Can you understand what other dogs are saying? etc, etc, all of the top of my head. Shanna doesn't even seem to be a little weirded about by it. She's just like: You're hot. What if he has someone back in the other world? :O Kidding... (I've read it, but I also have no idea what you've changed...) Which brings me to my other point: The whole "Was that a man’s reaction to a woman? Or a dog’s to a bitch in heat?" and "I felt my nipples harden, straining the thick fabric of my shirt" is a sharp contrast to the Shanna later on in the novel that I remember, where she was scared to kiss Riley. It seems that just in this chapter her relationship with Riley jumps up about several pegs, then goes back to how she is with him in the previous chapter. So, will she still be like that with Riley or is she going to go back to her shyness? C:

Mmmm...all I've got at the moment for my nit-picks. Everyone else has got different stuff and I really can't think of anything more for ya to look at. Just the usual "I love this, and that...and that...and, um, that too..." which I won't go into too much. I love that she freaks out a little at the end of this chapter. For a moment I thought she was taking it all in her stride (which would be so unrealistic C;).

"As I was saying, sweetie, we are Royal Magicals. We are essentially pure magic and our bodies heal quite naturally. If you chip a tooth in your life, your body will take care of growing it back for you. If you cut yourself, or break a leg, skin your knee or lose a nail, any small detail will be healed. You cannot grow back a limb; it would take too much of your energy but repairing your eyesight falls in the category of minor details.”

So if they get injured or anything in this world, they’ll heal automatically? Gotta remember that one for fight scenes. And I wouldn’t call breaking your leg along the same levels as scraping your knee… :S

Secret admission: I always thought it was Royal Magicians…not Magicals… O.o haha I’ve called them Magicians in my head for too long now for that to change, so if I put the wrong thing, just bear with me. C:

Bring on the next chapter, Tanya! I'm looking forward to it. C;

Wife! I'm here to review! I'm running a chapter behind but that's okay because I'm still alive and I have the time.

So, I don't have much to say after reading this because well you've got some pretty great reviews on this already so I'm not sure how much more of a help I can be. :c However, I shall provide some sort of a review...Maybe.

Anyway, the first thing I noticed while reading was that description of Riley. I already had a mental image of him in my head and then you added onto that by making him tall and muscular, try to stay away from going into those specific details after you introduce the character. Usually we develop our own image and after a chapter, if you explain what he looks like we end up having to give our guys a haircut or a growth spurt or something. If you stick to tall, nicely built with shaggy brown hair and we know he used to be a dog, well then - our images are enough to give us flexibility. I'm saying this because I just had to give Riley in my head more muscle and a bit more of a growth spurt and now he doesn't look as pleasing as he did before because I was so used to him being the way he was in my head. Anyway, it's not much of a big deal but I thought I'd point it out...because I have nothing to say really.

Again, your writing is great and I loved this chapter. The humor in the MC's voice is always fun and the chemistry between Riley and her is just on fire! TOO SOON! xD I love how there's a bit of a romance in here with Riley and her but I did feel, like the others that it was too soon for her nipples to harden. Not time the time for that yet, babe.
Perhaps you could ease up on that bit. Why not let her think of all the things (Possibly embarrassing things) she has done in front of Riley when he was a dog and have her think of all the times she's talked to him and what he was probably thinking. Something to keep her on edge. When writing romances, it's a bit difficult since you have to steer away from the cliche side, that said - you'll have to push and pull with them. Think of a thousand reasons why they CAN'T be together and just one reason why they should. Make it seem like they'll never be but then, wham-o, everything is awesome after the climax of the story and it all works out. I find "good" romances to be hard to write and hard to find so connect your character through little meanings.

When you mentioned the pink castle I put my hands in the air! That's so funny how a castle could be a bright shad of pink, it was quite comical and I love it when random things like that appear in a novel. It's funny and the best thing is that you don't over abuse it and keep all your humor in when you need it. You're pretty good at writing it. I have a more difficult time with that...

Anyway, it's a great chapter. I felt like a lot of questions that I had were answered already but you also introduced a lot new information as well. You kept it quite easy to understand but I did feel like it was a bit much at times. Then again, if the character was in this land, you'd have many, many questions and would feel a bit overwhelmed. Another thing is the names, the fact that the names for the parents have changed and stuff, it's bit of a confusing feeling.

Another thing is I felt like her crying in the end was a bit weird. Only because I find it really difficult to cry in front of other people. Did it all "just" catch up to her? I think that maybe you should've tried to give us little bits and hints of that feeling throughout the chapter so it hits her more realistically in the end or something.

Overall, awesome chapter! I'm super excited to continue reading the rest of this. ^___^

-Pink

Alright. I'm a major failure. But I'm here now! No more vacations to prevent me from stalking MGD and throwing all my nonsense into review form :3

First, some smaller nitpicks:

I shivered again as I felt more than heard Riley inhale deeply, his nose tracing a path from my neck to my ear.

Did he actually do this? I mean, the following sentences make it seem like he did. But that strikes me as really odd. Why did he do it? What prompted him to just rub his nose all over Shanna? xD It seems kind of odd, especially at this part of their relationship.

“Hey! What’s wrong with this land? It looks . . . Fuzzy.”

Saying "this land" seems really formal which doesn't mesh well with the way Shanna typically speaks. I'd like to see a different word than land.

“What happened here?” I heard the tremor in my mom’s voice and I turned to her. Her expression was one of complete shock.

This kind of made me laugh a bit. Mostly because she spent a while talking to Shanna before she turned around and realized their surroundings were so depressing. It seems like this realization should have happened first, and she should have addressed these concerns for the appearance of the land she once knew so well before the whole conversation with Shanna and her glasses.

“Royal Magicals,” Riley answered. “It’s the abbreviation that was given to them years ago when saying the whole title became too tiresome.”

I think this could be finished just at "Royal Magicals". The whole explanation about the whole title being tiresome is a little awkward. I mean, most abbreviations exist because saying the non-abbreviation is tiresome (oh us lazy lazy people ) so it's not something that needs to be particularly explained. So I think him just saying the non-abbreviation and moving on works just fine.

Now onto some bigger things I want to blather on about xD

Terra and Earth

Terra has advanced in a technological way and Rydon has evolved magically.

This being said, I'd expect to see more drastic differences between the two realms. Since Rydon didn't evolve technologically like Terra it would make since that most, if not all, of the modern conveniences in Terra would not exist in Rydon and people from Rydon who had never been to Terra would not recognize or know how to use those conveniences.

In this context, it makes it odd that they brought the car to Rydon and then proceeded to drive it around on the roads there. Travis would of course recognize and know about cars since he lived in Terra, but bringing it to Rydon seems useless and that it would cause more trouble than it would be worth. For example, there are likely no gas stations on Rydon. Eventually the car would run out of gas and they would no longer have any use for it and it would be a waste of space. It also seems more convenient for Travis to just transport the people without the needed addition of the car (even if he is powerful enough to bring it along).

That being said, it would make sense that Rydon would have all sorts of magically aided advances that would not exist on Terra. Modern Terra conveniences would be replaced by Magical Rydon conveniences. For example, later in the story I know Shanna takes a shower in the castle. That's a modern convenience I wouldn't expect to have evolved on Rydon if there were fewer technological advances. Instead, I would imagine there would be something developed using magic that would help the people of Rydon clean themselves. The same goes for other modern conveniences.

Then, there's this:

“Both, we think. The theory is that God and Rydon worked together to build this Earth and the trees and everything else. Then they each went their separate ways to create both realms. Only, something happened to it and the realms are like conjoined twins. One will die if the other does and vice-versa.”

Seeing as both are essentially built the same, Rydon seems much more...desolate than Terra. Of course, there has been a lot of disaster but I'm talking in terms of settlements and land size. I get the idea that Rydon is incredibly small compared to Terra. If they are the same and built on the same Earth, it might make sense that they would be approximately the same size (although, maybe Rydon created Rydon to be smaller in overall size). And there's much less of an interconnectivity on Rydon as well as a lack of villages.

In the course of the story, it appears that there are a few small (abandoned) settlements and Castle Kimera. Why? Is there nothing existing outside of the scope of this area? No other countries or continents? No oceans or mountains or forests or canyons? These don't have to be places that are visited in the story, but just having a sense that they might be there gives Rydon a better sense of realism and solidity.

In the same way, think about the population of Earth (or, Terra). If both lands progressed essentially the same (barring the differences between technology and magic) it would seem that there should be at least similar population sizes (unless Rydon is in fact much smaller in scale than Terra is). And with larger population (even if most have been destroyed or have gone into hiding due to what has happened in Rydon since Shanna's family left) comes more settlements and an interconnection of these settlements. That means roads, methods of travel, and methods of communication. These would probably be different than what is present on Terra, but basic human needs are still the same and the same things would eventually come into necessity.

Shanna and Riley
I'm mostly echoing Snoink here with her comments about how romance novel-y this chapter sounds with their relationship. Basically, slow it down. Think about real relationships, and about the circumstances surrounding theirs. If you were in Shanna's shoes, would you be attracted to or scared silly by the man who you thought was a dog. Especially in her circumstances of finding out everything she knew was a lie. I don't think romance would be the first thing on her mind

They don't have to be all over each other just yet. Let their relationship develop. Allow Shanna to come to grips with her new identity and new role in Rydon, and just let Riley be there for her and support her and make sure she is okay (since he was her guardian dog after all). Then, when they do realize their feelings for each other/decide to act on those feelings it will be much more natural and satisfying to a reader.

End Comments
What I really love about this chapter is how we get into Shanna's head. We feel her reactions to everything as she encounters it and that's really, really good. Makes her real and sympathetic and likable. Plus, she has a killer hilarious voice and an awesome sense of humor. I've always loved Shanna, and you've done really well with her character and she just keeps getting better.

What I'd really love to see, in a nutshell, is more description and information on Rydon as well as a slow-down in Shanna and Riley's relationship. I know I always bug everyone about realism, but it's a huge part of the readers experience and super important. You're on your way, it just could use a bit more work

Anyways, lovely chapter Tanya! Now I'll be off to read the next one and then I'll stop being a failure. Well, I probably won't but I'll try really really hard xD

Keep writing!

-Lauren-

PS pardon the horrific length of this review xD