Oh Gray Threads!

Oh gray threads,
Will you envelop me
Into a heart-warming embrace
Of Brotherly love?
To cover, to share the warmth
That only you can provide?
Oh, as I don you
And skip toward the street,
My heart takes a leap
Knowing that you shall stay by me!
For embolden throughout your body
Are spots of glittering white,
To symbolize the purity of your soul,
And written upon you is the word Navy
In a metamorphical embrace of the loyalty you share
As I wear you upon my chest.

A pretty funny poem... I like it. My guess is that you're talking about a shirt? Anyways, there are a few points that need fixing up:

"And skip toward the street,
My heart takes a leap
Knowing that you shall stay by me! "

That whole section sounds very disjointed... the ryththm changes from line to line and it doesn't sound right.

Overall though, a good poem.

Props my good man...I mean...your highness king sir...

That was a good poem, short but sweet. Very peculiar but although funny, intriguing to my human mind as because I never knew somebody could cram so many ideas into 10 lines. Good poem, my friend, very good. But, doesn't it seem a little rushed? I think it might have been better to think more about it and come up with a little more ideas, at least the people will get the mattize.

Sorry if you do not feel that way. It is my opinion and I stand by it, this is a forum where we can critique people, isn't it?

i like it!

weird thing 2 write bout tho!!!

Yeah, very weird, but weird is good and original! Two thumbs up

Thanks! I had to write this poem for a writing assigment one day in class. The teacher told us to pick an article of clothing and write about it. I chose my sweater.

Yeah, weird=cool! That was good, really, really good.

Very nice! Theres just one line that reads a little clumsily to me,

for embolden throughout your body

It just doesn't seem quite right. Otherwise I enjoyed this greatly

At first I was half asleep and thought this was an attempt at a serious poem that went horribly wrong and was about to say something scathing, then I realized it was supposed to be like that. anyway, this amused me. of course i'm pretty easily amused, but still, you can take it as a compliment if you want

LMAO thats both cute and funny...I like the use of "Oh", it gives it the exaggerated sense of a love poem - to a shirt! It cracks me up. Like Nate said, maybe a bit disjointed in places, but its still very well-written. One thing, though, where you say "For embolden", do you mean, "For, emblazoned"? Coz it just doesnt make sense otherwise, although it could just be me. A great poem.

I loved it, one of my favourite ever. I liked how it flowed kind of like a Shakespeare poem. I could even visualize some parts, such as a skip toward the street. It was like someone holding a sweater and skipping onto the street or something. I know I commented a lot in this thread but I just loved it.

Yeah, the language definately added to the humor. You took a serious kind of diction and made it very funny. awesome. -penny

I don't think I've ever read anything like this before. It's very different--and i loved it! I just wish I could write like this.

this is a really good poem. I love all the contrast It is such a good idea
When i saw the title i was thinking oh boring i will look at it because i am bored, I think it was great, I am a big fan of short poems in particular and this really didd this for me today well done XD

this is a really good poem. I love all the contrast It is such a good idea
When i saw the title i was thinking oh boring i will look at it because i am bored, I think it was great, I am a big fan of short poems in particular and this really didd this for me today well done XD