What a Wonderful World--REVISED

In the tune of "What a Wondeful World" by Louis Armstrong


I see skies of gray,

People hungry each day,

Nation vs. nation,

Forever at war,

And I think to myself,

What a wondeful world.

I see politics telling lies,

Leaders losing their minds

Bad deals and steals,

From Pakistan to D.C.,

And I think to myself,

What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow,

Leave so quickly from the sky

Never seen them on the faces of people going by

Where are the friends, shaking hands?

Saying, "How do you do"

Can't hear them sayin' "I Love You"

I see men sleeping in boxes,

While others are in mansions,

They die of hunger,

And we watch them suffer,

Yes, and I think to myself,

WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD

Oh Yeah..................

I didn't like this as well as 'the day America will fall'. It was a little less complex, didn't have as much impact. It seemed that unlike your other poem, there wasn't much substance here.

I like your use of contrasting; that is, contrasting the good in the song by Louis Armstrong with the bad of what you think is wrong with the world.

But faith is right; it needs more fleshing out. You can keep to the simple nature of the song and make a more emotional impact upon the person.

Just two lines caught my eye...
"I see politics telling lies,"
Change politics to politicians.

And the last line seemed out of place. It may be there in the song itself, but it's awkward to read.

Overall, it's good to get some real political commentary here on YWS. I like the way you express yourself through your poetry, and the contrast you do here is indeed very good.

I agree with faith - I didnt like this as much as I liked your previous poem. It doesnt seem to flow very well, although that could just be because I dont know the song very well so I cant use the tune to help me. I do like the use of contrast and the irony of "A Wonderful World" - very clever. But like faith said, it doesnt have the depth of your previous work. Not as subtle, perhaps, but still a good concept. With a bit of work it could be great - you just need to flesh it out some more.